Am I the Asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Interesting_Try5005 on 2023-06-27 13:22:38+00:00.

I'm 30f and I just had my daughter 4 weeks ago. I had an emergency C-section and recovery has been a bit difficult, as I've popped staples out a few times over stupid things like coughing. I'm very, very tired. My husband's boss only granted him a week off after we had our daughter so things have been a bit more difficult but he makes sure that I have everything placed out neatly that I need during the day and has even bought me a mini fridge and portable stove top for our bedroom so I don't have to get up much. He is super hands on when he's home.

Now, I don't mean to be a complete AH here but my SIL has been asking consistently to come over and "take the baby" off my hands so I can sleep. And honestly, I appreciate the gesture but I won't let her. She's the only one that I won't accept help from, for a range of reasons. I've known this woman for 12 years. She is severely overweight (340+), can hardly walk without becoming winded and when I watched her with her niece (my other SILs kid) she would be up walking around while holding this baby as a newborn and it was so unsafe. I vividly remember Sirena's head just flopping around. And now that Sirena is older (9) she tells everyone that she "basically raised her". It's a mental health issue she has because she can't have kids (she got an STD when she was 14 that sterilized her and she doesn't qualify for adoption or even fostering kids). So between her weight and being generally unsafe AND her trying to claim she's raised/is "basically their mom" to Sirena, I won't let her watch my kid for me at all and I don't want her coming here because the one time she did, she overstepped in more ways than one. Ie: everytime I said no to something she refused to take no for an answer because she "knows what she's doing". Like no Jackie, I don't need you to change my kids diaper and it's weird that you desperately want to.

Yesterday she showed up here at 6ish after my husband got home and said "where's my baby?" My husband told her now wasn't a good time because we had just gotten her down to sleep and SIL goes "well good thing my fat makes me feel like an ocean rocking, she will fall back asleep in no time". He said no, she tried grabbing the baby anyways. I flipped out and told her to leave and she says "I just need my baby fix since I can't have babies". So I snapped and said "you're not welcome here anymore. It's not my fault you can't have kids." She left crying and I do feel bad. My husband hasn't said anything to me about it but I think he's pretty upset I said it too.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tiny-Plastic-8840 on 2023-06-27 10:35:19+00:00.

Around a week ago, my son (9m) and I (36 f) were having a movie night because it was my day off and my husband (37m) was working   So to round it up, about last week my son and I were scrolling through movies and shows, and Our Planet came up. My son then told me he wanted to watch the episodes about the sea.  

My son watched it and seemed to enjoy it before going to sleep. My husband asked what I was seeing for movie night when he got home, so I told him what we had watched and we chatted about it for a while. I didn't really expect anything because he didn't look angry or irritated.

The day or 2 after, my kid enthusiastically told us that he no longer wanted to be a doctor and instead wanted to be a sea scientist (marine biologist) during breakfast. I was happy and gave him encouragement by talking about his potential and options. My husband attempted to be a little supportive, but he was a little stiff and cold.

After my son left for school, my husband told me that we shouldn't have watched the ocean documentary. When I was surprised and questioned why, he explained that he wanted our son to have a bright future and that I might have ruined it. Our son is on top of his grade and that I made him distracted to a honorable job. He then said I would be responsible for crushing his dreams because he wouldn't pay any of the tuition. I argued that he was still only nine and that dreams can change. I also advised him to support whatever career path he chooses. We argued back and forth and I got caught up in the moment and screamed at him to leave.

He has been staying at his mother's house for a few days, and yesterday I received texts from his mother accusing me of attempting to destroy the lives of my husband and my kid.

I acknowledge that I was a bit dramatic and that I overreacted when I kicked him out, but I still disagree and will defend against what he said.

Edit: My husband and I are going to talk it through but I will apologize for sure for my behavior, my son doesn’t know anything about this.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Big-Warning8649 on 2023-06-27 10:30:46+00:00.

This might seem a little messy and complicated so I will try to be as clear as possible.

My dad and my mom had my older brother and me (both mid 30s). Mom died when we were 9 and 11. Dad remarried when I was 13 to his second wife Janet.

Janet was a widow with three kids from her late husband.

For the first year they had a typical marriage. They even had my half sister Katie in that time. But right after Katie was born, their marriage changed. Neither wanted a traditional marriage and weren't in love with each other, as both were still devoted to their late spouses. So they stayed married but chose to go by companions instead.

They slept in separate rooms. Did family things individually from each other except for with their shared child. Janet was not part of my brother's or my life really and dad was the same with her three kids. They would act like friends more than a couple because in reality that was what they were. They said they also saw it as lessening the potential burden on their kids one day.

From an early point both had made it clear that if they were to pass, they would want to be buried with their first spouses.

Katie struggled a lot with the dynamic. Now that her mom is gone, she is fighting for her to not be buried with her first husband so she can be buried with dad when he goes (dad has become unable to care for himself due to early onset dementia). Janet's other kids said no way and she goes in with their dad, who she loved, who was her real spouse. Katie asked me to help her talk them around and I told her I would not do that. That when dad goes he'll be buried with mine and my brother's mom, like he wanted and like we'd want too.

Katie told me it's not fair. It's like she doesn't matter in any of this. She told me I'm supposed to help her and support her in this and I'm refusing. That when she dies she'll end up being buried alone (she has often talked about never wanting to marry or have kids) and she won't be able to be buried with her parents and it isn't fair. I tried to offer her comfort but she told me I wasn't helping her change the plans and I could fuck off.

She's 19 and has suffered a huge loss so I am being compassionate as I can be. But she's mad and I don't know if I'm TA or not so AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sharp-Cabinet-7831 on 2023-06-27 06:05:45+00:00.

I (33M) kind of started a fight at my wife (30F) over her wasting food. She and I had very different upbringings when it came to food. Her family had the disposable income to eat out multiple times per month, and her family would cook large meals (enough to feed an army basically), and when the food entered “leftover territory,” the rule in their house was whoever gets to it first gets to it. My family was much more money-minded, only eating out on special occasions and cooking just enough for one or two meals. Takeout was never shared, and if we had leftovers, it was equally distributed. Some would be surprised to learn this has caused a great deal of dispute in our marriage. My wife does the majority of the cooking, and she likes to order take in a lot, as we both have demanding jobs. Over our 10 year relationship, she has learned to cook in much smaller helpings as much of it would spoil. She’s not good about eating leftovers (the small of a lot of cold food makes her feel sick), so she tries to meal prep or cook just enough to cover 2 meals max as she knows letting food spoil irks me. When we have leftovers, I always let her know when her portion is still in the fridge. Typically she tells me to have it if I want it. She has said before that if she were truly coming back for it, she’d write her name on it or tell me not to eat it as she was saving it for later, but to my recollection she has never done that. I always tell her that the leftovers are her’s so she can have them, and we go back and forth like that in several rounds. The other night, we had leftover Chinese takeout (her leftovers, I ate mine). She asked me what I wanted her to cook for dinner and I reminded her that she has her leftovers. She said “oh yeah, hand it here.” So I gave her the container and I watched her dump it straight into the trash without looking at it. Wide-eyed, I asked her “what are you doing?” She proceeds to inform me that she has come up with a new system: if she tells me 3 times that I can eat her leftovers because she does not intend to come back for them, she will throw it out before it spoils. Apparently that was the 4th time I reminded her about the leftovers so that triggered the disposal. I got quiet to process the fact that she made this decision without talking to me about it, and finally I said she could have told me she was going to throw it out, then I would have eaten it. She firmly thinks that the statute of limitations expired as she told me 3 times I could have them, and she “could do with them what she sees fit.” I would have if I had known she’d toss them instead of conceding in eating them after understanding I truly didn’t mind her eating them herself. I feel like she truly hasn’t listened to/disregarded me feelings/upbringing with food. I told her “do you” and haven’t really talked to her since. So, AITA?

Tl;dr my wife has decided to throw away leftovers after she offers them to me 3 times and I don’t like wasting food

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LogicalSky6901 on 2023-06-27 12:27:51+00:00.

My SIL lives in a fairly large 6bd farmhouse on 10 acres. We are building a home across the street and in the mean time, we have a camper parked on SILs property. The only time we go in to her house is to use the bathroom or shower (we have electricity in the camper but no running water). The rest of the time we are across the street building and our kids (14m, 12f, 8m) are with us helping. We pay SIL $180 a week to park our camper there, which is campground prices.

Late afternoon yesterday my SIL asked us to all come inside to talk and she pulls up her chore list, with my kids names added to it. Things like laundry, dishes, cleaning the living room, sweeping, mopping, cleaning table + countertops, garbage, returnables, even helping cook meals (we do not eat with them), etc. She said "Does this work for you? I won't let anyone clean the bathroom because I'm the only one who does it properly." I immediately said no. My kids don't even go in her house unless they are showering or shitting so if anything, I'd make them clean the bathroom, not the rest of the house that they don't use. I'm not going to be making them do chores to that extent for simply using the bathroom, after they've been helping us all day with building our home. My SIL, who works all the time, says "the kids are in here much more than that because all my snacks are gone and I always come home to a trashed house and I didn't before you guys started staying here". She's clearly not putting two and two together with the fact that her own daughter (12) has had consistent friends over for the past 2 weeks since school let out and her husband (46m) does nothing to parent. Which I brought to her attention. My kids don't eat her food at all either. I've made a point to preach to my kids about minimizing our foot print here for this specific reason (her trying to blame my kids for her trashed house).

My husband is saying that maybe I should just allow her to add the kids to one or two chores a week to keep his sister at bay but I've refused. We pay to be here and we do not go indoors at all unless it's for the bathroom, as I've stated. My kids are not going to be scrubbing her house top to bottom for using a restroom and I have since told my husband we need to create an outhouse system (on our property) so we don't have to go in there at all. He says I'm making things more difficult when in reality, I'm protecting my kids from being used. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwawaydadskid on 2023-06-27 05:38:12+00:00.

My (15f) Dad (38)had my oldest sister Bella (22) when he was 15 years old with her mother Satan (41). It was a traumatic time for him as Satan left the country pregnant and Dad followed her over, they broke up when he caught her cheating on him and Dad wasn't allowed to see my sister until she was 10 after my Mum (37) had been speaking to Satan for 4 years to try and establish a relationship.

I was 2 when I first met her after my Mum payed for her to come over to our country with her mum to meet us. My brother (14 now 8 months then) was in hospital when they came over as he nearly died the week before they were coming here from SIDS, Dad did CPR, he came out the day they arrived.

For relevance my mum had my two other sisters when her and my dad got together 19 years ago but Dad took them both on & Mum, my Dad and sisters Dad have always gotten along and their Dad still comes for dinners and I call him Uncle.

Anyway, when they came over they both tried to split my mum and dad up and said horrible things about my mum & brother & sister and asked my dad to choose them two or us, Dad chose us and they cut him off again - My sisters and mum were treated horribly by Bella and her Mum the week they stayed.

My sister Bella recently showed up and is living with us for a month now, I don't know why but she shouldn't be here. Mum has gone to stay with her parents as she doesn't want to cause any issues & wants dad and us to spend time with her & Dad has been quiet but my brother loves her. I told my sister she needs to leave because I heard mum saying she's going to leave Dad as it's to traumatic having my sister here to my Aunty & I told my brother everything my sister and her mum done when they were here and now he hates her and wants her to leave too and I told her she's not my sister or my dads kid legally so shouldn't be here.

Mum is upset with us for not trying to build a relationship with Bella and for making it hard for Dad and wants us to apologise to her and forgive her but Bella never apologised to my mum so am I the asshole?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Potential_Beach6748 on 2023-06-27 10:10:06+00:00.

I (30m) have been on edge lately, and the complications with my wife's (31f) pregnancy have only added to both of our stress, her even more so, obviously. After a long, messy delivery, my wife was having trouble talking and wasn't able to calm down, and was breaking down essentially. She was just wheezing and reaching for the baby for a few minutes, and a nurse said "You need to calm down. It's over, it's not about you anymore." After I got my wife to breath and relax a bit, I approached the nurse and said she should have a heart and understand what my wife was and is going through, she said "Oh, okay." in a way that made it clear she didn't care. So I just looked at her and told her to be quiet if that was how she decided she wanted to waste everyone's time. She said "If you'd let me do my job, I could help get you three on your way home soon. Is that alright?"

I said I was sorry but I wasn't going to let my wife be treated like that, and if this was a chore for her to deal with, she should rethink being a nurse. I saw her wipe a tear a bit later. I hurt her feelings and I feel bad. My wife says, while the nurse's comment was hurtful to her, she would've preferred I be more understanding. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Glass_Honeydew3415 on 2023-06-27 08:09:37+00:00.

Backstory: I (28f) have been together with my now fiancée "Luke" for 10 years. We have 2 children aged 3 and 18 month. I am currently 3 months pregnant with our 3rd child.

My mum "Sandra"(48f) has recently had a baby with my bio dad, the baby is 2 months old. I don't have any sort of relationship with my bio dad as he left my mum when I was born leaving her alone with me and my older sister. We have a step dad Mark who i call my father, he has divorced my mum after finding out she is having an affair with my bio dad.

To the events: I have always dreamed of a romantic proposal which is something Luke was aware of. He has prepared and booked in a room in a high end restaurant, had it decorated for the event and also had his friend to take and edit a video of the whole thing (his friend is a professional and does fantastic videos). Luke also invited people close to us, so my friends, my sister and her wife, Mark and my mum. As this is a high end restaurant it doesn't accept kids under the age of 12 and has a warning about it on the website. Luke has also asked people invited to keep their children at home (the booking was made a good few months in advance). We have hired a trusted babysitter for ours. It is also important to note that he knew we won't be able to get married soon until our kids are older as I wanted them in our wedding and somewhat to remember it.

At the event we found out my mum took her baby with her instead of leaving him with my bio dad. When I have asked her about it, she said the baby is quiet and it is not her first child so she knows how to look after them.

Well, when the music started playing (it started rather quiet) and my fiance was ready to give a speech, the baby started crying. Luke has tried to carry on but nobody could hear him due to the screeching sounds the baby started to make, and I was feeling overwhelmed with it as my romantic proposal was getting ruined by my own mother being selfish. So I have asked her to leave.

My mum has tried to argue to stay and was creating a scene, but I ended up asking security to escort her out. The rest of the day went without issues but after the event was finished I have received dozens of messages from my mum and bio dad calling me an asshole for what I did.

Edit: paragraphs.

Also wanted to add, the child in question is not my mother's biological child. The child biological mother is one of my bio dad's girlfriends who wanted nothing to do with him, so my bio dad and my mum adopted the kid. My mother is also insisting her grandchildren to call the kid uncle, which is something me and my sister are against of (one of my sister's kids is 8 and therefore are older then the child).

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/77_mec on 2023-06-27 04:57:28+00:00.

Let me explain.

I (m32) recently got Detroit: become human for my PS5 and my son (m12) wanted to play with me because it had robots in it. We had fun until my wife (f31) told us to stop playing and that it teaches kids to curse and that racial discrimination, child abuse and murder is ok.

I tried explaining that the entire point of Markus's storyline is that it isn't and she got pissed and starting saying how she gets to parent too and that he was her son too, so I turned off the game, told my kid to go play in his room and told her that if she didn't like it, she could leave the room and let us have our fun in peace. She told me I was undermining her and that I was being an asshole, then made me promise I wouldn't play it with him again.

So AITA? I don't think I am but it'd be nice to see other people's opinion on it.

Edit: so I agree that I should've asked and made sure it was ok, but I did not think it was a big deal as she watches GOT whenever she wants regardless if he's there or not. I don't complain because he knows that it's bad. I explained it to him and he understood.

Also, I was not trying to be a "cool dad", I was just trying to explain that the game didn't promote those themes. And my son was in his room when we were arguing. So I wasn't undermining her in front of him.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/anon_pokedude on 2023-06-27 03:37:03+00:00.

My friend ("Jack") tragically passed away 6 months ago and his mother ("Lisa") invited me over recently as she was cleaning out his room. There was a collection/binder of Pokemon cards that she had planned on throwing out but I convinced her to instead give it to me.

Fast forward a month later and Jack's sister ("Elly") is angry at me for taking the Pokemon cards, despite her having no interest in Pokemon and having had 'first dibs' at my friend's old stuff. She's demanding I return the Pokemon cards, because she wants to sell them, so she can "use the money" to help out Lisa.

I feel torn because I had double checked with Lisa that Elly didn't want the cards and she assured me that I shouldn't worry. I've told Elly that as Jack was my best friend and that I double checked with Lisa I am going to hold on to the cards.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Any_Volume_4503 on 2023-06-27 09:51:36+00:00.

Some years ago my sibling and I each inherited a large sum of money. My sibling spent it on a nice car, a house in a wealthy neighbourhood, a big wedding and some money to start a family. I tried going into investment and it paid off so I am now living a very comfortable life.

A few days ago my nephew (9) asked about inheritence in general since his friend had just inherited some money from a grandparent. He asked if my money would disappear since I don't have any children (it is known in my family I don't want any). Before I could say anything my sibling and their spouse told him that he and his sibling would inherit from me so when I died they didn't have to work and could just live off the money they got. I told them that all my money goes to different charities and no family is in my will. My nephew thought it sounded cool and asked me about how the money would be used. When he left the table to go play my sibling and their spouse were furious. They said that they chose to work less hours because they thought they didn't need to save money for their children because they would get my money one day when I passed. The discussion at that point didn't go any further as the children rejoined the table. It has spread in the family that all my money go to charities and I have gotten angry messages for the past few days. People tell me it's selfish that I'm not leaving any money for any of the children in the family and I value strangers and animal shelters over their children. My cousin's spouse is especially vocal about all this.

I give a lot of gifts often on the more expensive side. There is also a trust fund for the children that they get when they turn 21 and the parents know this. People either argue that I should change my will or say they don't want to get involved. My aunt and uncle are the only one who says it's my money to do with as I please. I guess I'm kind of robbing their children of finanical stability and security? Am I the ahole for not leaving money for the children in my will? (There is free healthcare in my country so they won't need money for that which was one of my main reasons for not including them in the will.)

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/accountaita on 2023-06-27 04:54:09+00:00.

My sister Mia and I are usually close but this is really causing some issues. I didn't think I did anything wrong here, but now I don't even know and I'd like some third party insight. This happened in April.

(Also if anyone's curious I'm 22 and she's 28.)

Mia had a high risk pregnancy, placenta previa and some other issues. She eventually had to get a c-section a week earlier than expected, but the baby was stillborn, which was terrible.

I had my MCAT the day after Mia delivered, and she'd told me before that she wanted me to stay with her, we talked before they took her in and she was a screaming crying mess. I ended up leaving since I had my exam early morning, and I came back to the hospital as soon as I finished. I did hear the awful news that the baby was stillborn before the exam but I didn't go then.

So a few days pass and Mia's super pissed at me, saying I ditched her during the worst time of her life. I told her I was really sorry but I had to do my MCAT. I know she's going through a really difficult time, but she completely went off at me, saying I could've just done it another day and I thought some test was more important than her and her baby's life, and that I deserve to fail.

Mia's still saying I'm selfish and at the least, I could've just gone to the exam directly from the hospital and stayed with her the rest of the time. A lot of extended family know now, and some are saying what I did was terrible. My mom agrees with me, but is saying to just let Mia be because she went through a trauma.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Tradwife1029 on 2023-06-27 02:33:37+00:00.

My husband (25M) & I (25F) were together for almost a yr. My dad passed unexpectedly, we broke up, & 4 yrs later we decided to try again. My husband proposed on 2 year anniversary. My family was super involved in wedding planning & at first so was MIL. My husbands little sis/bro were going to be FG/RB. MIL and I came up with cute ideas for them. The day before my dress appts I fractured my ankle. The new date was Easter weekend/weekend before FGs bday. I now know MIL didn't come dress shopping because she didn't want me to out shine FGs bday.

My MIL got distant after starting new relationship. We met up w/ MIL & got on topic of guest list. It came out her ex-husband was invited to wedding bc my husband felt like he was a father figure in his life. MIL wasn't happy. MIL told her dad & next wk he called my husband to meet for coffee. He came home from coffee w/ grandpa & was basically a meet to convince us to not invite ex. MIL was supposed to be paying for rehearsal dinner & nobody else on his side was contributing at all where my side was giving us money to help pay for wedding/very active in planning. If MIL/grandpa was paying for catering/venue & wanted a say in who was invited is one thing but they weren't.

3 wks before wedding MIL says she will only be at ceremony. We didn't want any drama on wedding day. We say ok & tell her to be there 30 mins before ceremony. She asked if we even wanted her to come since she is only there for 1.5 hrs? We said of course we want her to come but she wanted to be there for ceremony & 30 mins before gives her time to do her hair/makeup on her own/would have less chance running into ex.

Its wedding wk. I call vendors for rehearsal dinner/wedding. I call restaurant for rehearsal. They show reservation canceled & was never paid. We were livid. We discussed the issues we had & we decided to uninvite her. We messaged MIL saying since issues with ex being there & rehearsal dinner being canceled w/o us knowing we feel its best she didn't come to wedding. She said it was a surprise. We asked why change location she had us pick out. MIL said we didn't include her in planning & my husband said she distanced herself/became all about her new family/forgot him. MIL denied & said my husband was ungrateful, took screenshots, & removed herself from chat.

1 wk after wedding, we find out MIL went on cruise w/ bf/kids leaving weekend of wedding. We don't know for sure how long she planned this but I work at same place as MIL & u can't request a wk off 2 weeks prior. She bragged to friends she had a trip when wedding was, mos before. We think she planned cruise w/ new family/not being at wedding mos prior. We don't think we are wrong. Are we?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sad_Subject2779 on 2023-06-27 07:53:12+00:00.

My (25F) fiancé (28M) and I are planning our dream wedding but want to keep it small. From the get go, my fiancé and I both said that we do not want any children at our wedding due to a number of reasons.

1. We want to get married in the bush somewhere where wild animals roam freely, and the age limit is 16 and up. (This is non-negotiable because small children are at risk -Venue requirements)
2. We both know from personal experiences that one person always ends up looking after the children and do not enjoy the wedding.
3. We want to have just adults at the wedding so that we can celebrate the day properly.

My parent and siblings explicitly stated that my nieces and nephews will be REQUIRED to go to the wedding and I have no choice in this matter. My dad even went as far to say that if my nephew will not be allowed to go, he will then also not go. This broke my heart as I am the only girl in the family and now he doesn't want to even attend. My brothers said "I do not care what she wants, my children WILL be there". Take into consideration that all my nieces and nephews are under the age of 7.

My fiancé's family has been supper supportive and respects our wishes of not having any children at the wedding. They even made arrangements up until this point to have the little ones taken care of.

Now I am honestly considering not inviting my parents anymore because they are forcing me to do something that is not part of our wishes.

I love them al dearly, but I feel they don't want to make the sacrifice for me and my fiancé's big day. As I ultimately mean, it us getting married and not them.

So WIBTA for telling them that I will not be inviting them as they want to rather spend the day with their grandchildren than celebrate the day with me?

Edit 1: Forgot to add. My fiancé and I are paying for our whole wedding. Neither the in-laws nor my family us contributing a cent because it's always a one sided competition with my mom of "They gave this much and we can only give this and now we look bad" or stuff like that so we are avoiding this situatiom completely

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwra_defaultless on 2023-06-27 03:44:43+00:00.

Throwaway account, because my siblings are here

Short thing, I (30F) was born in a poor country to a middle-class young lady from a conservative family. My bio-dad was a no show, so her parents threw her out of their house.

Now, I was born severely ill, and she was told the chances of survival for me were low. I understand she was on a hard spot. She turned for help to her then employers, who in turn connected her with their son, whose wife had infertility issues. They accepted the risk, adopted me, took me out of the country to get treatment and helped me recover almost fully. My adoptive mom passed away, and now its only dad, my grandparents, and me.

My bio mom though, sought out to my dad when I was 14, asking for a chance to reconnect with me, she said she was feeling guilty and she was in a better place both mentally and financially, my dad accepted kind of grudginly, and took me to see her that summer. There, we saw she had had three kids more, and one was barely one year older than me!, her parents didn't seem to mind, they had eventually forgiven her and allowed her back home, where she had safety for my siblings. My dad appeared to be really uncomfortable with that and took me back home barely two weeks later. I must confess I felt like I wasn't good enough for her, despite knowing that was unfair because of her circumstances at the time of my birth, so I kept in touch with her...Until she started asking for money for my siblings, making a lot of excuses. I took to sent her a part of my allowance, but eventually my dad found out and asked her to keep away from me.

Now, during my early 20's I got a FB message from one of my siblings, my other siblings followed soon and they started all harassing me about how she missed me, and how I had walked away just because they were not 'as rich as me', I must admit I felt pretty bad and agreed to reconnect with my mom so she wouldn't think I was looking down on her or something, but as the weeks went by she came up with this sad shit history about how she was ill, and my siblings work at minimum wages and she just can't work anymore, hinting she needed money...again. I lost it and told her I never wanted anything to do with her again, because I was just a money pouch for her, but I wasn't so years ago when she decided I was not worth her time, blocked everyone and moved on.

This week, it was an Instagram DM using my sister's account. Bio mom is claiming she's loosing her house and needs 15k to pay it off, I have the money, but I told her I just won't do it, I don't care if she becomes homeless, I am not her emergency fund. My siblings have started harassing me again, telling me how I'm too privileged to know what they are dealing with

I'm starting to feel awful again, so Reddit, AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwawayaita9779 on 2023-06-27 00:05:51+00:00.

I hardly ever go see my family, as frankly, they think they’re funny when they’re just being rude. Of course, I (25M) am always seen as being sensitive or starting fights, because I was never the right kind of son for them.

My two older sisters, who I will call Amy, (f29) and Brit (f32) are exactly the kind of kids my parents wanted, married before they were out of high school, baby on the way before the year was out, church every Sunday, whatever.

I on the other hand am aro/ace, an atheist, and a heathen to them, because of my job (which I prefer not to talk about here, as it’s rather revealing).

Like I said before I don’t go to family gatherings often, because of how “funny” everyone is. But, recently was my mother's birthday, and I was guilted into going by my dad because in his words “we always tried our best to understand you, and you won’t meet us halfway-“ and that she really missed me. Which all felt manipulative to me, but whatever.

I went, I brought a gift (some glass figurines from a collection she loves) and braced for the worst.

Surprisingly everything went well, at first, there were jokes thrown but nothing that really bothered me, so it was fine. Then Brit said something like;

“Well, I’ll ask the question if everyone else is too scared, how’s dating going, Op?” And laughed.

I didn’t want things to devolve so I just smiled and said something like “Good as ever, how’s your husband doing?”

But she didn’t drop it, and laughed again, offering to set me up with a girl from church, saying maybe she could “screw my head on right”

At which point I got very angry and asked to change the subject.

My other sister asked if I really wasn’t worried about being alone, and said that she just wanted someone to be there to take care of me.

I told her I could take care of myself, I really wanted to change the subject.

My father butted in that everyone should calm down, because he knows I’m just looking for the right woman, to make an honest man out of me, and laughed, along with everyone else at the table, frankly, I felt humiliated and just wanted to get away from these people.

So I stood up, and made my way to the door, my mother following me the whole way, asking me to be considerate “We’re just joking!” And I was so angry I couldn’t stop myself from saying “This is why I never come over you know? None of you can let me have one visit without being made fun of. You’re worse than children.” and left.

Apparently, after I left my mother cried for hours, and my sisters and dad have been blowing up my phone for ruining her birthday over a joke, and demanding I apologize. I do feel bad about making her upset, but why am I the only one being called to apologize? Which is why I’m dragging my feet. If I’m the AH I’ll apologize and try to move past it, but I really don’t understand how I’m the one in the wrong? AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NextAd1603 on 2023-06-26 22:26:37+00:00.

Growing up my parents were never present. I grew up in a well-off family, my father was always out on a business trip or another while my mom, whp was supposed to be a stay at home mom, would spend more time drinking wine with her friends than taking care of me.

When i was 6 years old they enrolled me in karate classes under sensei Yamada. He was a short, japanese-american man who carried his family's karate tradition. He was a very kind man with a passion for passing on karate to the young.

We quickly developed a strong bond because i would always be the last student to leave the dojo. He'd show me all kinds of old martial arts movies, we watched the Karate Kid trilogy together 10 times over the years.

As i grew older and became a black belt he became even more present, attending my school events, giving me life advice and just being there for me. I'd spent more time in the dojo than at home. When i was 15 sensei Yamada even hired me as a part-time sensei.

My parents, on the other hand, were always distant and seemed to resent me for... Idk, existing i guess.

Before my 20th birthday came along i asked sensei to give me the greatest gift of all: to accept me in his family and let me carry on his surname. Since he has actual children i thought he'd refuse but he accepted so i legally changed my surname to Yamada.

As expected, my parents were mad and disowned me, calling me an ungrateful brat. However, several friends of mine said i was in the wrong for changing my last name.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Crusade_of_Contempt on 2023-06-26 20:07:39+00:00.

My wife and I are huge Vegas Golden Knights fans. My parents and her parents are huge fans as well. We always watch the games and try to go to as many as we can. This past season was great for us. To win the Stanley Cup was amazing and we were all celebrating and so excited. I was outside the arena during the final game and at the celebration parade later that week. At the parade they handed out rally towels that had the logo and said things like 2023 Stanley cup champions. I grabbed some extras for friends and family that couldn’t make it. I planned 1 for my family, 1 for my parents, 1 for my in laws, and a couple others for friends.

The day after the parade, the captain of the team was on my side of town signing autographs. I showed up 3 hours early for this and stood in the Vegas summer sun for the experience of meeting him and getting things signed. I was sweating like a pig. I got a hat, a shirt, and a towel signed. I planned on making a shadow box for the shirt and towel and putting the hat in a case in my office at home. I thought it would be super cool. I gave every one their towels except for my in laws because they were sick, so I waited.

Well today my wife calls and asks if I would be okay giving my in laws the signed towel because we already have the hat and shirt and they’ve been so sick that they could use a pick me up. They love the team and getting something signed would be really special to them. I said no, I’m the one who waited in that super long line for this. They weren’t sick the day he was signing things, they could have gone, but they didn’t. I don’t want to give it up. I had plans for it. My wife says I’m being rude and should give it to them and we can keep the unsigned one.

AITA for not wanting to give it up?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/fartistdad on 2023-06-27 05:16:15+00:00.

I (24 M) have a friend (27 F) who is really into grounding. I don’t know exactly what that is, but it involves being barefoot everywhere you go to feel connected to the world or something like that. I do think this is strange, but I try not to pass judgement or make any comments. The issue is that she’s been complaining about foot pain and recently went to the E.R. I had to practically force her to the hospital because she refuses modern medicine because shes sort of a hippie. At the hospital, she got diagnosed with trench foot. If you don’t know what this is, its where your foot becomes spongey due to unsanitary conditions. Its incredibly painful and you should not be getting this if you bathe regularly. When I found this out, I honestly got really grossed out because its actually insane to have gotten that. I told her it was really gross and she needs to start wearing shoes to avoid this. She got incredibly angry at me and said I was disrespecting her lifestyle and her supposed “culture.” Am i the asshole for saying that about her feet? I feel like I could’ve said it in a nicer way I just think the whole situation is absurd.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/CanIntelligent8903 on 2023-06-27 04:28:13+00:00.

I'm 20f. I had a rather difficult upbringing, single mother, absent father, lived below the poverty line most of my life type shit. When my uncle on my dad's side found out I exist last year, he purchased a house for me in the city I live in to essentially make up for my dad being a POS. I also live in Ireland, where there's a major housing crisis going on

Its a 3 bed 2 bath, but i turned the living room into my bedroom because im lazy and dont want to go up and down stairs all the time, so technically 4. I'm really proud of how I've decorated it, kept it clean and managed all of the bills myself for the last year. I'm also greatful that I won't have to struggle to find affordable rent like a lot of my friends do.

The issue I'm having is that 4 of my friends, two couples, are being evicted from their houses before the year is out and are struggling to find places to rent. I love these 4 people more than anything, but they're sloppy, and have a tendancy to host after parties and stuff. Their current house has bottles and cans everywhere, dishes are never cleaned, they somehow have a slug problem.

I let a 5th friend, who was having some serious financial trouble move in with me because she needed the help and she's cleaner and calmer. The 4 friends being evicted caught wind of this and knowing I do technically have two free bedrooms, asked could they move in as well when their lease is up.

I said no, because I do not want 6 people living in my house, especially people who are not properly house trained and will absolutely disrupt my current lifestyle. I don't want to have my space invaded so much, because honestly, it's mine and I want to keep it mine. I told them I won't let them move in with me unless they actually end up sleeping on the streets and even then I'd have my reservations.

The 4 friends think I'm being an asshole, but I don't think I am, because its my house and I decided who gets to live here. They're all not talking to me and I'm not too sure what to do with the situation now. AITA?

Edit: I forgot to mention, they are being evicted because the property is being sold, and I believe demolished to make way for something else but I'm not 100% certain on that

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NewRedditWasAMistake on 2023-06-27 03:23:06+00:00.

I used to have a friend in high school. Let's call him John. John was one of those people who tried really hard to not take anything seriously. He would always try to make overly edgy jokes and say terrible things just to get a reaction out of people. Over time I just got tired of his inability to take things seriously and his constant need to try and be edgy and a few years after high school ended, I just slowly stopped talking to John. Before I stopped talking to him for the most part, he was in a relationship with this girl that he never really seemed that fond of. He always talked about how he "settled" for her, even though she was his first girlfriend and he had been a bit of an incel the entire time that I knew him. I'm pretty sure he never said anything rude to her directly, but over voice chat programs like discord and skype he would also say some really horrible things about her. Eventually, she ended up getting pregnant, with twins. I thought this would be the moment that caused him to actually mature but instead this just caused him to get even worse. He would constantly "joke" about accidentally tripping his pregnant girlfriend while she was on top of the stairs or "joke" about how he wished one of the twins would die so he could save some money by only having to raise one child. Eventually I just got sick of it and stopped talking to him for good.

Just two weeks ago, a few years after not being in contact with him, I ran into his girlfriend at a fast food joint. She came up and talked to me and we caught up a bit. She let it slide that things haven't going that well between the two of them and that John has been really cold and distant, to which I had a knee-jerk reaction of "Yeah, I'm not surprised." She seemed intrigued and wanted to know more and this is where I said fuck it, and told her that he would always say terrible things about her and her unborn children when I still knew him. She pressed even harder and wanted to know the kinds of things he said, so even though I knew I shouldn't I gave her a few examples of things he said in private. She was mortified. She left the restaurant red in the face. A few days ago, an old mutual friend of ours asked me out of the blue if I had said anything to John's girlfriend because she mentioned that a friend of his told him all the terrible things he's been saying the past few years about her and her children. They're supposedly about to split up, and I know I'm partly to blame.

So, should I have kept all that information to myself? I didn't go into detail about some of the more disturbing things he said but I can't help but feel that if I was on the receiving end, I'd like to know what my partner is saying about me behind closed doors. But on the other hand, I feel sorry for the kids who will now have to deal with parents that might be splitting up.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Background-Diet-934 on 2023-06-27 02:03:25+00:00.

I f(36) am married to my husband m(38), he and i recently had a baby and have been trying to make our work schedules flexible for the babies needs. This is where his mother comes in, she offered to help out with the baby so that we would be able to work easier and not have to rush home daily, me and his mother haven’t always been the closest but I saw the opportunity and took it. It was about three weeks after she started babysitting that i added security cameras in my home only to find that his mother was stealing a lot of my expensive jewelry and gifts from my deceased mother, when I confronted her about it my husband told me that I’m overreacting and that its just jewelry, its not, I don’t have much from my mom and now most of it is gone. I flipped out at both of them, I was furious. My husband took down the security cameras and later at an event showed up with his mother wearing my mothers necklace, i didn’t want to cause a scene so i pulled her aside to kindly ask for it back but my husband freaked out at me causing a scene i didn’t want to happen. After that i just snapped i threw all his stuff outside and changed the locks the last thing i texted him was that he can move back in when i get ALL my stuff back and i get an apology from both him and his mother. A lot of people texted me saying that i was wrong for kicking him out but seriously AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Comfortable_Egg_3921 on 2023-06-27 01:59:31+00:00.

I'm in my third trimester of pregnancy, first kid. My husband wanted to travel to visit his friends and family, knowing that once baby comes, he probably won't be able to see them for awhile. He is taking some summer courses to get an advanced degree, but had a weeklong break between classes. I said okay, knowing I wouldn't be able to go with because of how busy I am at work (if my doctor would even sign off on me traveling).

He had a great time there, but had a miserable time traveling home for reasons outside of his control. He got home early yesterday (when he was supposed to be back late the night before) and was exhausted. He slept most of the day, got up, did some homework and played video games for a few hours, and then went back to bed.

Which brings us to today. He had class from 9-3. We had a meeting with a birth coach at 6, and the meeting lasted about two hours. Immediately after the meeting, he turned to me and said "great, now I'm not going to have time to do anything tonight."

This isn't the first time he's said something like this after something birth/pregnancy related I've asked him to do with me (and I haven't even asked him to come to my doctor appointments with me, so I don't think I'm asking for that much). I told him that when he says that, it makes me feel like this pregnancy is some big burden and inconvenience to him, when in reality I'm doing all the heavy lifting. He said no, he just hasn't had any time for himself. I reminded him that neither had I - I worked all day and didn't have a three-hour break between the end of my day and the birth meeting like he did. And I also didn't just come off of spending a week chilling with my friends and family, playing games and having fun. He replied that that didn't count as time for himself and it was exhausting. My response was that if it was so exhausting, he shouldn't have gone or should have gone for a shorter period of time so he could have relaxed at home during his break. He got really angry and left. AITA?

UPDATE: husband came home and we had a long heart to heart. Apparently the trip was stressful for reasons other than just the travel (his mom thinks we're going to be terrible parents and he had to spend most of the time fending her off, so his nerves are frayed-they have a complicated relationship that I thought was fine now, but evidently not). He didn't want to tell me about the issues with his mom because he was worried the things she was saying would hurt my feelings (he wasn't wrong). So he got frustrated that I thought he was off having fun when he was actually having a hellish week. But he apologized because he realized there's no way I would have known that without him telling me.

I told him I wanted to feel like we're a team and we're not communicating well with each other. And that we're also going to be tired when baby comes, but that doesn't mean we can shut down on each other. He agreed but also pointed out that he thinks baby exhaustion will be different than exhaustion from his mother. Hopefully he's right.

I feel kind of dumb for posting now because this was all a miscommunication, but it was so unlike my husband to just storm off on me that I thought I must have done something wrong. So thanks everyone for your insights.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AITAEnablingAuntie on 2023-06-27 01:45:04+00:00.

My sister Taylor got married earlier this year. Before that happened, my niece Isabela was bullied by a classmate named Joey in middle school. Taylor had to request a meeting with the school to demand Joey be separated from Isabela because Joey had been making extremely unacceptable comments towards her. Joey had been causing issues for other classmates as well, such as purposely spilling drinks into another kid’s backpack or taking another kid’s notebook and threatening to tear up the pages. Joey was kept separate from Isabela, and he attended a different high school. Isabela said she thought she would never have to see Joey again.

Well, Taylor and her now husband Asher had dated for four years. They decided only after getting engaged to introduce each others’ children, which is when Isabela discovered that Asher’s son was the same Joey who used to bully her. Obviously, this immediately caused some issues. Taylor uses the same explanations as Joey, which is that Joey was an ignorant kid and didn’t know any better, and his parents’ divorce pushed him to act out. While I’m sure those things are true, Isabela says that Joey refuses to take self-accountability.

According to Isabela, Taylor and Asher keep trying to push her to be friends with Joey. Isabela will explain that she just doesn’t want to hang out with Joey, but her mom will simply go behind her back. For example, Taylor invited Isabela to go to the mall saying it would be just the two of them, Isabela agreed, and then Joey hopped in the car at the last second because they were all going to shop at the mall together.

Taylor explains that she and especially Asher are upset that Isabela doesn’t want to include him or Joey in activities. She’s also worried because Isabela has been mentioning moving out, which Taylor thinks is too soon because she’s only nineteen. Taylor says she and Joey should just be friends now that they’re stepsiblings (this is why she and Asher didn’t introduce children until after their engagement.)

I told Taylor that she can’t force Isabela to be friends with Joey just because they are now stepsiblings. Taylor kept giving me the same explanations for Joey’s behavior. I told Taylor if Joey has truly changed and is genuinely remorseful for the way he treated Isabela, then he would understand that he is not entitled to Isabela’s friendship. Trying to force a friendship never works outside of movies regardless. She’ll only strain her relationship with her daughter if she doesn’t let go of her “become best friends” expectation.

Isabela thanked me later for trying to reason with her mom, but my parents had the opposite reaction. Taylor was devastated by her first husband’s death and she finally found someone new who makes her happy, so they said of course she wants her family to get along. They told me I was enabling my niece to act childish, and that the bullying stopped by high school so I should also encourage Isabela to “stop holding grudges.” AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/adoptee_throwaway890 on 2023-06-26 22:23:26+00:00.

I [26F] recently bought a house with help from my parents. On my own, I had saved up enough for a 30% down payment and was getting ready to look into buying a house with a mortgage (I’m starting a PhD program and will need stable housing for the next 5-7 years). When I told them this, my parents very generously offered to help me buy the house in cash.

My parents are very well off and I acknowledge that I’ve had a very privileged up bringing, but I still try to not draw attention to this so people won’t treat me differently, and I live pretty frugally. At first I denied the offer because I feel bad taking money from my parents. Up until now they’ve only paid for my car and my education (through a college fund).

They refused to let me refuse and said that they’d rather help me buy the house in cash than have me pay more than what it’s worth in interest. They also didn’t want me to have to worry about affording a mortgage payment on a PhD student’s income. Instead, I will be paying my dad back in fixed monthly payments. The house that I decided on is a very modest size and price, and was even $100k under the budget my parents were willing to help me with.

Fast forward to last week, I finally closed and started moving in. I invited some of my close friends over for a housewarming get together.

When they got there, one of my friends [27F] asked me how I was able to afford such a “nice” house. I was upfront with her and told her that my parents very generously helped me with it. I didn’t go into detail.

She then started pressing me pretty hard for more information about my mortgage payments and interest rates, talking about how they’re ridiculously high and it was stupid of me to buy in this economy. I’ll admit that I got annoyed at her continuing to press about this in front of everyone at what was supposed to be a fun, laid back event, so I told her that they helped me buy it in cash and that I’d rather not talk about it anymore.

She then goes off on me about how I’m the reason people like her can’t buy a house right now and that it was unfair of me to take the opportunity to get the house away from someone who “needed it more” by putting in a cash offer. She even went on to insult my parents and my adoption and told me that the only reason I have this life is because my rich parents “bought” me from overseas.

That last comment was the breaking point for me and I kicked her out of the party. Half of my friends are on my side and the other half said I was too harsh on her and that I should’ve just lied. I’m starting to think I should’ve just lied too, but I also didn’t want to act like I bought the house all on my own, because I didn’t.

So, am I the asshole here?

Edit for clarity: I did tell her that I was paying my dad back but that went over her head. In hindsight I could’ve told her that I put down 30% of my own money, but in the heat of the moment I didn’t think of it and I don’t know if that would’ve helped much. She’s made off handed comments about stuff like my career and education before but never publicly or this extreme.