Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MaesCousin on 2023-06-21 20:27:55+00:00.

Me and my cousin Mae had a close friendship as children. As we became teenagers and our lives got busier, we naturally did drift apart, but still talked every two weeks or so during college. During Mae’s third year of college, she suddenly stopped talking to everyone in the family. She dropped out of school without telling any of us. Her parents had to find out from a classmate. We reported her as missing because we were afraid something bad happened to her. Mae sent a message to the family letting us know she was okay but that she had never felt satisfied with her previous life and just needed to start over.

Mae had never let on that she felt this way during our conversations. And it obviously hurt that she hadn’t tried to talk to me about it before just leaving. The only reason I maintained a lot of my social media profiles for a while after was so Mae would be able to find me if she ever changed her mind. I tried reaching out to her as well but I admit that after about two years I gave up and accepted Mae as a lost cause.

We had no contact with Mae for almost seven years. But she recently returned. Mae has three children; A five-year-old and two-year-old twins. She never told us about them. Mae never reached out during her pregnancies or after any of their births. Mae explained that her daughter’s father had passed away and the twins’ had taken off. She was doing her best on her own, but after the boy twin was diagnosed with a disability, she realized that she couldn’t do it on her own anymore.

Mae’s parents are willing to take her in and help with the grandchildren, but she said it would be hard for her because she knows they’re disappointed in her and the life choices she’s made, and seeing their faces/the way they look at her everyday would pose even more of a strain on her mental health. Mae asked to move in with me, saying that she knows I understand what it’s like to be a mother because of my own three-year-old son and brought up our childhood friendship with each other.

I told Mae that I have also been hurt and disappointed by her actions. She never tried to talk with me about her feelings of dissatisfaction or wanting to start over. Instead she just took off and left us to worry about her. I can empathize with being a mother, but I also need to put my own child’s well-being first. What if my son grows attached to her and her children just for her to run out of our lives again? My son has had enough loss in his life. How could I allow her to move in and trust her not to hurt us again?

Mae is staying with her parents right now. Mae texted me, saying she wished I had allowed her to move in, because, as she told me before, it’s a huge mental strain on her to live with her parents and seeing the disappointment in their eyes everyday. She also told me that she hoped our years of friendship would have meant more to me when she was facing such a low point in her life, both when she first left and now that she’s returned. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowRA_Narcdil on 2023-06-21 19:46:26+00:00.

My (42) son (Jay - 18) is having a baby with his girlfriend (Kate - 18). I will be honest in saying I don’t think they are ready for this. They have been together for less than a year, but she is due in July. Obviously I know that things happen, so we are doing our best to embrace it. I’m excited to meet this new little person.

Anyways, Kate’s family is uninvolved – they honestly weren’t great parents to begin with, but when they found out they kicked their pregnant 17 year old to the streets. My son and her were living with me until 2 weeks ago when they got their first apartment – I am extremely proud of them. We had a room set up for the baby, but since they got their own place, I let them take all the baby items I purchased. I mean a fully furnished nursery, and then of course everything from the shower – that baby isn’t going to be wanting for much.

Well, the baby is breech. They have tried everything to get that baby to turn, but nothing! So, they have an C-section scheduled for July 3rd assuming the baby doesn’t flip\she goes into labor. I requested this day off of work, and then asked my son and Kate if they would like me to pick them up or if they planned to have my son drive them. My son was confused and told me that he would drive them, why would I drive them? I told him I was just offering, and told him I’d be in the waiting room waiting for her to get out of surgery. Then Kate jumped in and said they weren’t having any visitors at the hospital. She said she needed time to heal, and they wanted to bond with the baby. She said it would just be the two of them and her sister.

I’ll admit I was pretty taken aback – I mean, I feel like as the grandparent I’m closer then the aunt – but whatever. I said okay because I didn’t want to fight, and said I would be waiting at their house. Kate jumped back in and said the only visitor they would be having was her older sister. She said she would be in pain, bleeding, and trying to breastfeed, and that she wanted privacy to do that. She also said that I never got my TDAP booster (which I don’t need as I had it maybe 5 years ago when I had to go to the ER for a cut), so I couldn’t come until the baby had its first shots or I got the shot. I pointed out to her if she didn’t have a vaginal birth that she wouldn’t be bleeding and it would just be a surgery recovery and she could stay in the bedroom and relax and my son could bring her the baby when its hungry. She told me that ‘nobody was taking her newborn from her’. Lots of other things were said, and I feel extremely taken advantage of. I sheltered and provided for her and my son and I didn’t have to - plus I gifted them a lot. I now see a lot of other narc tendencies from her, and I feel like its WWIII with my poor boy caught in the middle.

I don’t feel like an asshole, but she and my son are saying I am. AITA?

Edit to add:

1. I'm a man.

2. I see now that I have been the ass in several ways, so I'm going to just apologize to keep the peace and accept that I'll have to wait.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hefty_Manufacturer_9 on 2023-06-21 15:03:08+00:00.

i(21f) recently moved in w my older sister(25f). i did not know she was seriously dating anyone before but meet her bf(?m)when moving in. this is my first time living anywhere besides our moms house so was excited to be able to walk around my own house in any state i choose when alone. the only mode of transportation that the bf uses is my sisters car so when she leaves the house so does he. or so i thought. on one other occasion he was still at the house after my sister left & i was not aware. after this i asked that my sister let me know if he would be at the house when she is not. in a rush today she forgot to tell me, & i realized he was here when i hear a door close in the house after she left. i knocked on her bedroom door & when he answered i said out loud “why are you still here” exasperatedly. like 15 mins later i heard him leave the house & he didnt say anything but i think he already has an opinion abt my attitude bc of an incident when moving in so i think he might have been offended. aita? EDIT: I SHOULD HAVE CLARIFIED WE MOVED INTO A NEW PLACE TOGETHER, IT IS NOT MINE OR MY SISTERS HOUSE BUT BLTH OUR EQUALLY

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwraPainter-4325 on 2023-06-21 19:12:40+00:00.

I (42F) have a daughter (24F), Sam. Sam is my oldest, i have 4 more children that are all still minors. Sam has been living with me and her siblings for a year. She left a bad relationship, and I offered for her to stay with me, rent free, as long as she wanted. My only stipulation was to help around the house, and either work or be in school.

Sam is an excellent daughter at home. She is a 4.0 student in college, works full time and babysits a few nights a week. She is super helpful with her siblings, keeps her space clean, helps around the house, etc. The problem is when she's not home.

Sam's best friends are a group of guys in their early 30's. She spends most of her free time with them, and will often sleep over at one of their houses on weekends. I don't love that, but she's an adult and can do as she pleases. My issue is her reckless behavior that I think they're to blame for. Sam recently bought a dirtbike, got into a crash, cut her leg open, then let one of the boys (not trained at all) give her 10 stitches in it. She goes on whitewater rafting trips with them, ski's avalanche terrain, rock climbs outdoors, goes to raves, stays out partying till 4am, hitchhikes around alaska, sleeps over at random guys houses, etc. Her brother (not my son) also recently told me that Sam invited him to a house party with her, where she was seen doing lines and smoking weed. I don't even like her drinking, so I am definitely not a fan of this.

We got into the other day when she was home, and I told her that if she continues to live this reckless lifestyle, she has to move out. Her dad said I'm being too hard on her, and that we should be happy she's finally living life after helping raise her siblings for years.

So, AITA?

TLDR; daughter is behaving recklessly, i told her she has to move out if she continues.

EDIT TO ADD:

Sam was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer about 18 months ago. (She went through treatment, and is in remission) That was when her whole personality changed. She left her relationship (which, no one was upset about. It was long overdue), and became an outdoorsy, risk taking, partying indivudal. She was never like this before, she seems happier now, but like i stated above, she's far too risky.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AITA_Throwaway_I on 2023-06-21 20:55:16+00:00.

Throwaway because my son is on reddit

My wife and I have six children James-28, Jacob-26, Grace-23, Beth-23, Samuel-21 and Sarah-16. We raised them going to church and they were active in youth group and volunteering. 5 of my children are still Christian while Jake became an atheist at 13.

While this saddened me, I knew not to force our religion on him. After he told us he didn’t believe in God, we had him come to church for a few months until we could work out a plan for him to have him watched while the rest of our family was at church. He said that he was old enough to be left home alone, but we did not agree with that; he almost accidentally burned down our shed a few months prior. Eventually we came to the agreement that he could be left alone, but we had the neighbor keep watch on the house. He resented my wife and me during those two months for bringing him to church and further resented us when he heard the neighbor was keeping tabs. He claimed that forcing him to come to church was "abusive" even though it was only temporary

His resentment grew more due to our financial situation. The kids always had everything they needed and could join any club they wanted, but we did not have the same luxuries others had. We never went on big trips and Christmas and birthday gifts were usually small ~$75. We would give a smaller religious gift to the other children every Christmas and Easter, but he would refuse it. He would argue that we should give him cash instead, and my wife would sometimes because she didn’t like arguing. We also couldn't afford college funds. The rest of the kids were given large scholarships by the church due to their volunteering, but Jake didn't since he left 5 years before graduating

Over the last decade, we have been saving up for a pilgrimage to Israel. It has always been a dream for my wife and I to see the holy sites. We announced at Easter that we would pay for everyone’s travels and we've all been slowly planning our trip. Jake has constantly been critiquing the trip which makes my wife cry. We’d talk about seeing the Sepulcher and he responds “it couldn’t be the place Jesus was killed and buried”, we’ll talk about going to Bethlehem and he responds, “King David is just a myth”, the final straw was when we were planning to see the walls of Jericho and the baptism site of Christ. He then sent 3 paragraphs about how this entire trip supports an apartheid state and that he'd rather go to Japan

Seeing how ungrateful he was, I canceled his plane ticket and privately texted him that he was uninvited. He has since posted on Facebook calling my wife and I religious fanatics and saying we are treating him poorly because he is an atheist. He has accused us of being flat earthers, Zionists, and anti-Muslim. Our extended family has urged us to re-invite him, but I can’t see how to have an enjoyable trip with him there

Am I the Asshole for uninviting my atheist son from our family trip?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_Remove_2511 on 2023-06-21 20:26:29+00:00.

I 57M have two kids Erica 24F and Dave (adopted) 25M with my husband, Liam 62M. When Erica was 16, she got pregnant and decided to keep her baby. I was very upset, as I felt a child would impact her future and she wasn’t thinking of the consequences. However, after having her son Adam 8M, she became more responsible and my husband helped raise Adam while she did high school and part time when she completed her degree. She now works and supports herself and Adam.

Dave announced recently that he and Anna 25F, are expecting their first child, this caused tension in our family. Erica is my daughter from my first marriage and is mixed race, while me, Liam, Anna and Dave are white. Anna went to the same school as my kids, and made comments about both Erica and Adam’s heritage, and shaming Erica for being a teen mom. Dave told us that Anna has grown as a person and that she is changed, but Erica refused to be around Anna spending holidays with her mom and was angry that Dave would have a relationship with Anna after what she did. Anna has apologised after that talk, but Erica feels the apology is insincere and too late but does now attend family events and mostly ignores Anna but will not allow Adam to be near her. I am struggling to balance both relationships with my kids. Anna and Dave recently invited us all to their gender reveal, and I though this would be a good way to move forward as a family as we all agreed to attend.

After the gender reveal, Dave asked Liam and I for our car keys, as he wanted to load some of the baby shower presents in our car. I was confused and asked why. Apparently, both he and Anna thought that like we helped raised Adam, we would help raise their new baby, so they wanted to load our car with some of the diapers/baby clothes for when we look after our new grandchild. We told them no, as we are too old now and that they are both financially stable to look after the new baby. While we are happy to occasionally help out, they should be responsible for their own child, as they are old enough. Dave said that him and Anna have lots of student debt and can’t afford to take time off and need the childcare more as Erica got a single parent grant to help pay tuition. They called me and Liam unfair as they raising a child is expensive now and that we should help out. Dave has said we ruined Anna’s big day as an expecting mom, and that we should have at least said no in private, but thinks that at least for the first few years should be hands on grandparents. Dave also accused us of favouring Erica over him, even though we said the situations are both different.

I am about to retire, and Liam and I have had plans for years about going back to our home country which they both know. I would have said I was in the right here, but even Erica thinks we are being too harsh on Dave and Anna.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/candybar2233 on 2023-06-21 19:20:32+00:00.

I (m41) am a single dad to my daughter (14). Her mom couldn't care less about our daughter so it's always been my daughter and I.

Almost 2 years ago my daughter got diagnosed with cancer at first it was Leukima but it eventually spread to her brain. Watching her go through this made me realize how strong and tough my girl is.

On the 9th my daughter unexpectedly got admitted to the hospital. Her birthday was the next day and she told me she wanted to wait until she got home to open presents and celebrate her birthday. So she and I ended up eating cake and watching movies in her hospital room for her bday. After that Her health declined pretty rapidly A week later (the 17th) she passed away.

I had all her presents ready in the recliner she always sits in for when she came home. Well that never happened so they have been just sitting there. The family had also brought over gifts for her mostly simple things they knew she would like clothes, blankets, water bottles, etc. I got her an Ipad as well as a few small things.

This morning my mom, dad, and sister came over to my house for the first time since she passed. We were going to make a picture board and slide show for her funeral. After we started working on both my sister noticed the presents and asked if my daughter ever opened them. I explained she wanted to wait until she got home to celebrate/open presents. And I haven't felt right moving them yet.

My Sister and mom said we should just give them to my sister’s twin daughters who are turning 13 in about 2 weeks. I said I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing my nieces our using gifts meant for my daughter. And if I was to do anything with the gifts I would donate the ones I can to the children's hospital. My mom and sister argued that it's right to keep the gifts in the family rather than going to complete strangers and I'm just being a selfish AH.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ready-Smile6112 on 2023-06-21 18:52:49+00:00.

My youngest Son "Tyler" 15M has a boyfriend "Marius" 16M. Now I like Marius fine for the most part other than that motorcycle he rides Tyler on all over perdition and being a lil rough around the ages. But lately in the last few weeks he's literally always around. He comes for dinner , breakfast, and stays long after he shoulda already gone home. He'll just sometimes be there at the house waiting for Tyler to get home from like a family outing.

I can also tell it was starting to bother Tyler and he looks like he might want a little distance. Yesterday I caught Marius after he dropped Tyler home from football and asked him what was up and whyd he'd been around so much lately. He just kinda shrugged and. wouldn't say much. Well I tried to explain the best I could that we love having him around ,but that maybe it'd be best if he went back to regular business hours or that maybe Tyler could go over his place sometimes. He kinda got this weird look on his face and just said yeah fine.

This morning I hear Tyler yelling profanities upstairs. I go to investigate and he starts in on how I could say anything to Marius like that. A little confused I asked why he was so upset. Tyler confided in me thar Marius recently came out to his dad who wasn't taking it great and he'd been avoiding going home and I basically told him to stay away. I apologized especially since I didn't know all the details just that he seemed uncomfortable with all the attention. Tyler somberly told me he was but that he was sucking it up for Marius. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cute_Air3092 on 2023-06-21 18:30:15+00:00.

My SIL, her husband and their kid currently live with myself, my husband and our 3 kids. Their house burnt down and it's in the process of being rebuilt. They've been here 2 months. My SIL works overnights 3 nights a week, her husband doesn't work. I work from home and my husband works 5-6 days a week installing docks.

Now, even on the days that SIL doesn't work, she insists that my kids remain quiet and don't make noise at all because she will insist on sleeping until 4-5pm after going to bed at 11pm the night prior. She claims it's because her body can't handle the sleeping schedule but she refused to switch to day shifts. I'm honestly fucking sick of trying to keep my kids quiet literally ALL day and most of the afternoon so she can sleep, while I'm trying to work on top of that. My son has ADHD and he is off the walls most of the time so I'm constantly having to stop what I'm doing (work) to go and correct my kid for having fun in his own house. I told my husband this wasn't working and that we needed to sit down with SIL and tell her this isn't working out and come up with an alternative.

So we sat her down yesterday and basically told her she had 3 options.. either but noise canceling headphones, put a camper on our property and sleep out there or change her work schedule because I will not be telling my kids to be quiet from sun up till sun down anymore. She said she can't sleep with headphones, doesn't want to change her schedule due to the pay differential and can't afford a camper. I basically told her those were her options. Take it or leave it. Today I did not try to keep my kids quiet. I shouldn't have to in their home. SIL comes down bitching because she can't sleep and I pretty much told her tough shit. I gave her options and she refused all of them. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No-Signal1027 on 2023-06-21 15:57:06+00:00.

I (27F) got engaged this year. Afterward, a friend/bridesmaid (22F), let's call her Evelyn, suggested going dress shopping when 2 other friends would be in town visiting from CA. The out of town friends asked to make the appt on Thursday at 3pm since they were WFH. My work is flexible & Evelyn also agreed.

Days before the appt, Evelyn sends a text that she won't be able to make it anymore. This bridal salon, & most others, closed by 5 or 6 on weekdays. The four of us were traveling on Friday, so Thursday was the only time that worked for the girls visiting from out of town. Evelyn had also attended my first wedding dress appt a few weeks prior.

At the appt., I of course wasn't looking at my phone since it was in the dressing room while trying on dresses. Eventually, I find a dress that I really love. At some point, Evelyn texted in a group text asking for an update. The friend who is a bridesmaid, let's call her Nina, sent a photo & said "We may have found the dress." Evelyn's response was "Interesting!".

I end up buying the dress. The four of us, including Evelyn, had plans 3 hours later to all hang out. I was excited to show her my dress when she got there and tell her that I did buy it.

When she got to my house, the first thing she said was, "Did you buy a dress?" and I excitedly told her yes. She didn't get excited & just stared at me for like 5-10 secs. I half-jokingly said "What? Are you mad I bought a dress when you weren't there?" And she said "Ya I am. Hope you guys have fun tonight" and left my house.

Within 10 mins, she texts me saying things like "I'm so fucking pissed at you" "If you thought I wouldn't be upset about this, you're out of your damn mind" "there are other peoples feelings that count" "get a fucking grip bridezilla." She came back over, and she cried and yelled at me and continued to tell me that I was selfish bc I wasn't thinking about her while trying on my wedding dress. That I was selfish for not thinking about my other bridesmaids, my sisters, my mom, etc.

She started to "rank" my friends, and created a hierarchy of my bridesmaids, and told me that it's fucked up that I bought a wedding dress with Nina and a friend who isn't a bridesmaid. She also told me that the wedding dress was the one thing she really cared about, and she couldn’t care less about any other thing about my wedding.

For rest of the weekend, we put aside our differences and we were able to get along. But now that the weekend is over, I can't stop thinking of all of this. She's still putting blame on me for what happened last week, and I'm seriously considering getting rid of her as a bridesmaid, but I also know that that would end the friendship we have. She hasn't acted like this before & I know that part of the reason she acted this way is because she's insecure about how close I am with Nina & feels threatened.

AITA for not thinking about her (or anyone other than myself and my fiancé) when buying a wedding dress?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Hopeful_Barnacle7466 on 2023-06-21 17:08:39+00:00.

I’ll keep this short, summer is here and my two kids 12f and 15m are in charge of making there food for when they go out. Such as soccer practice or my youngest goes to an art class that is around lunch time. So I work from home and I not have time to pack them food, we have plenty of stuff to make something or just grab some leftovers. Then they get picked up and are off.

So we are like two weeks into summer and so far both have forgotten to pack food almost everyday, so I made a new rule I will make you food but it will cost them a dollar. So there options are make there own food, pay me or go hungry at the event.

The youngest picked up on this real quick, and now is packing food for herself everyday. My oldest on the other hand isn’t. This whole week he has been paying me to make food. Today he didn’t have a dollar so I didn’t give him the food and he didn’t pack anything. So he was hungry at soccer pratice. I told my spouse what happened to day and he went off on letting the oldest starve. We got in a huge argument about how he shouldn’t need to make his own food.

He has an allowance, he gets 15 dollars a week. My youngest can do this just fine, yes I had the talk how to pack lunch. The reason for the dollars is because i have to get up to make him food when I am suppose to work and show you have to pay for convenience. I still make dinner and what not this is just for when they have to go to there club

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ravenmortal93 on 2023-06-21 17:31:46+00:00.

My (30m) gf "Tera" (29f) works in healthcare and makes about 6 figures a year. She has been saving a little bit of money out of each paycheck since she started working at 15 for what she decided would be her "stupid money" - essentially money that she couldn't spend on anything practical and had to be something fun. The rule she set was she had to spend the money when she was 30. I know all this because she has brought it up pretty often over the 3 years we have been together.

Honestly, I have been excited to see what she would do with all the money she has saved. Today, she came over and told me she had something exciting to tell me. She had decided what to do with her "stupid money". The grand plan she had come up with was a Disney trip. Which, initially, I was like "ok, whatever, her family lived near Disney World when she was growing up, I can understand her wanting to use some of the money for a few days there".

But she wasn't talking about just going to Disney World. Her grand plan for spending the money she's been saving for almost 15 years, was to do all the Disneylands in the world. Tokyo, California, Paris, and apparently there's one or two in China as well. She asked me what I thought, and I had to be honest, so the conversation went something like this:

"That sounds like a trip a 7 year old would plan, do you seriously want to waste your money on that?"

"What do you mean, it would be so fun!"

"For a 7 year old. You could spend part of your money on a trip to Disney World or whatever, but I would really rather be going somewhere that was for adults and actually had some kind of culture."

"Well, we wouldn't just be going to the parks, we would spend a few days in each of the cities too."

I then had to tell her how that made no sense. Take Tokyo for example, she was planning on spending three days in the Disney park and four days in Tokyo proper. One of the greatest cities in the world, and she wanted to waste almost half her time in an overpriced theme park?

We argued back and forth for a while, and she ended up leaving. She called me a few hours ago to tell me that if I didn't want to go, she was going to take her sister as a HS graduation present, but that I was being an AH about the trip she had planned for us. I feel like she may be the AH for trying to take back taking me on a trip, but I may be the AH for being honest and telling her I thought her idea was kind of ridiculous for an adult.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FunChocolate3897 on 2023-06-21 16:53:29+00:00.

I (32F) am caught up in a family feud that's tearing us apart, all because I won't let my entitled sister (28F) have her way with my vacation home.

So, here's the deal: I have this stunning vacation home by the beach that I've worked my butt off for years to acquire.It's my little slice of paradise, a place where I can unwind and escape the chaos of everyday life. Enter my sister, who has always had a knack for thinking the world revolves around her.

She has been entitled to have everything since the day she was born. To taking my toys and me not having a say because “sisters should share” to my high school boyfriend cheating on me with her. Her explanation: he liked her more than me because she was prettier.

Recently, she came to me with the request of using my vacation home for an entire month. She expects me to just hand over the keys to my hard-earned property like it's some kind of free hotel. Naturally, I couldn't fathom the entitlement dripping from her words.

I tried to explain that the vacation home holds a lot of sentimental value to me and that I'm not in the business of giving handouts. I expect her to pay rent for the month that she stays in there. But does she understand? Of course not! She threw a massive tantrum, accusing me of being selfish, heartless, and all sorts of colorful names.

What infuriates me even more is that she has the means to afford her own vacation rental, but she's too cheap to spend her money on anything other than designer clothes and extravagant nights out. Yet, she has the audacity to come running to me, expecting me to foot the bill for her luxurious beach getaway.

The fallout from this argument has been catastrophic. Our family is divided, with some accusing me of being a stingy control freak while others applaud my refusal to enable my sister's entitled behavior.

So, Reddit, I ask you, am I the asshole? Should I stand my ground and protect what's rightfully mine, or should I cave in to keep the peace within our family? I'm ready to hear your brutally honest judgment.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/DueTiger3413 on 2023-06-21 13:24:52+00:00.

I (33M) have a pretty close relationship with my sister (I'll call her Jade - 24F). We were best friends growing up, and we are still very close to this day. Jade married her wife (Audrey 27F) last summer after dating for 3 years.

For as long as I've known her, Audrey has been this serious person that is all about business with little sense of humor. I mean it is understandable because her family of origin really wanted this for her. Jade doesn't share much about her marriage but it is obvious that Audrey keeps a distance from everyone. I understand that and love her because Jade hasn't been happier.

Now, back to the event. I dropped off my son (Liam - 8M) at his aunts' place to go on a trip with my wife for two weeks. This was 2 months ago. Liam adores Jade and was happy to be staying with his aunties. Jade would update us and send us a few pictures every day, and it was lovely to see Audrey as involved in the whole process as Jade was. She has a busy schedule but she was there having a blast with Liam in every photo.

After we got back, I learned that Liam and Audrey had formed a 'secret friendship' because apparently he was the first family member from our side that met her. They kept it a secret for the sake of fun and mystery and would have fun together every time I dropped him off with them. Now they felt like they wanted to be a new kind of team and are sharing this with us.

I thought it was really cute and I started teasing Audrey ever since by saying things like 'even vampires have a lot ot love to give (I call her a vamp cause she's pale)' or 'Liam's been telling me you give pretty good hugs (She doesn't even hug Jade when she's hanging with us)'. I said these things during dinner yesterday and Audrey herself was just smiling as she always does when I tease her.

Out of nowhere my mom tells me to stop disrespecting Audrey in front of everyone. She has the tendency to think of the worst and act like a volcano for no reason at all. I said I am clearly not disrespecting her because I am still alive, and if I did, Jade would probably cut me in half. She said I needed to stop this childish behavior. Audrey said it didn't cause her any trouble, Jade said it was fine, but mom said it was her home and she didnt want any of her guests to be uncomfirtable. I said then maybe she should stop making these jokes about herself and let her guests enjoy their time together. My dad also picked her side and the enire evening was awkward.

My mom has sent me a lengthy text saying how it was rude of me to disrespect her at her own home. I kind of felt bad afterwards and wanted to see if what I did was indeed AH behavior. Pleade tell me if I was being a prick. Thank you

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TheMillersWife on 2023-06-21 14:01:10+00:00.

Context: My (37F) brother (39M) has a strained relationship with his daughter (15F). He hasn’t held a stable job in years and barely pays anything towards Child Support and is prone to angry blowups when things don’t go his way. He constantly accuses his child’s mother of souring his relationship with the daughter but he has her blocked on her phone.

The daughter (my niece) maintains a good relationship with me and my family and regularly asks to come over for the weekend, holidays, etc. We don’t really talk about her dad though she will volunteer little story bytes (like how he blocked her after she sent a text to him asking to respect her therapy sessions because he joined a virtual session without her consent).

She was over my house for Father’s Day because she told my husband that he’s the closest thing to a real dad that she has. We asked if she wanted her dad over and she said no.

Today he calls me (for the first time in over a year) screaming at me because I don’t let him know when she’s over my house. Asked why I don’t let him know when she’s over. I told him that I didn’t know what kind of communication they have with each other and that I’m just maintaining MY relationship with her. TBH he doesn’t even cross my mind when she’s over usually because it’s so impromptu.

He said I was enabling his daughter’s mother’s scheme to keep them apart and that everything I was saying was bullshit. He asked me how I would feel if he had my kids over without telling me. I told him that I would work on my relationship with THEM if that happened…. At which point, he hung up on me.

My brother and I have had a contentious relationship too - I let him stay in one of my houses when he was on rough times and after a bunch of complaints from my HOA about him (parties until 3am, loud music, strange people coming in and out), I told him he had to go.

So AITA for not going out of my way to invite him to events that I know she will be at or letting him know when she’s over?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok_Size2553 on 2023-06-21 15:25:38+00:00.

So I (22F) am the eldest of 6 with siblings who are 19, 15, 13 and 10 year old twins. The 19 yo is at uni in another city some distance away. My parents unexpectedly need to go to visit relatives abroad and have asked if I can look after the kids for a week. This is generally fine except 1 day I'm attending a course in another city. I will have to leave my parents house at around 6.40am and won't return until 7 or 8pm. Luckily my bf, who I live with, is off that day and is happy to help. When I told my Mother this she was incredibly appreciative of it and I thought nothing more about it.

Well fast forward to today, two days before they leave, and my Mum asks if bf is ok about getting up so early to get out here (we live in the city, parents out in the suburbs about an hour by bus). I tell her that that's ok, he'll just come through the night before. To say my Mother freaked out is an understatement. 

Mum: 'and where exactly will he be sleeping?'

Me: 'on the pull out, with me'

Mum: 'absolutely not! not under my roof!'

Now to be clear, when my bf and I first started dating, on the couple of occasions we did visit my parents together, we did sleep in separate rooms however, my parents always said that that was just because they didn't know him and earlier this year, before we were living together, my entire family rented an Airbnb for a wedding and there were zero issues about me and my bf sharing. Not only was it not a big deal but my Mum specifically did the room arrangements and put us together herself, without any discussion from me so I was pretty blindsided by this reaction today.

I checked the timetable and he'd need to get the bus just after 5am to guarantee he'd be there before I had to leave and presumably my Mother was also expecting him to leave once I returned that night meaning he'd potentially be getting home around 10pm. That is a ridiculously long day imho and far too big an expectation for someone who is doing you a favour. I advised my Mum as such and reminded her about the Airbnb and the fact that WE ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER and she reiterated that 'there will be none of that under my roof'. For the record, the couch is in the living room which has no closable doors, just open archways to the hallway and dining room. As such, there is ZERO chance that we'll be doing anything 'scandalous' over those two nights. I told her this but she still maintained that it's 'her house so her rules'. I told her that I felt my terms were more than fair and if she didn't like them then should find someone else for the week and hung up.

She's been texting calling me selfish and how this now means she'll need to stay behind and that I hope I'm proud of myself. I made it clear that it really doesn't mean that, there's a pretty easy fix here. 

Edit 1: Apologies, I deleted a bit for word count but the pullout is my parent's bed. It's in a little recess in the corner. They downsized last year. It's a 2 bedroom and the other rooms are already crowded with my siblings and we'd have to sleep on the floor which I'm also unwilling to do

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/One-Culture5097 on 2023-06-21 15:16:05+00:00.

A few years ago, my (30f) dad (60) went through a mid life crisis and started dating Celine, who was then 26-27, now 32. They only dated for a year but Celine and I became very close and she is still my best friend. Her being my "stepmother" is one of our running jokes, and I have her save as "maman" in my phone (French for Mum as she is French). As part of the joke, my daughter Bianca (3) calls her "mémé", which is french for "grandma". This is pretty harmless because both my parents and my husband's are different nationalities and have different grandparent names, and we are not french speakers, so by the time our daughter learns what it means, she will be old enough to explain the situation.

My dad married his wife Kelly about a year ago after being together 3 years. He brought her to visit at my place for a week. During that time, Celine briefly dropped by to return a pair of shoes, and my daughter excitedly greeted her. When she left, I guess Kelly asked what mémé meant and my dad explained, because Kelly threw a fit, saying it was disrespectful to her relationship with my dad to let my daughter call his ex that, and basically said she's still upset that she is referred to by her first name.

I think she's acting my daughter's age, not her own. My dad thinks it's fair that she's upset and that I should apologise/ make some kind of gesture. Thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Equal_Grand_1636 on 2023-06-21 13:51:55+00:00.

Sorry if I make any mistakes. English isn't my first language.

I (28F) started dating my girlfriend (Amy - 26F) around 10 months ago. We live away from most of our family members, and have little interaction with them because we're both going through residency.

Amy's brother, Seth (30M) is a single father. He was in town for a work event and left his daughter Mary (4F) with us for a few hours. He was late and already in a hurry therefore it was just a stop by visit, and I was the only one home for the day, since Amy was at the hospital.

I admit I haven't been around children much in my entire life and I have almost no experience outside of hospital settings (back when I was just a med student) for entertaining a child. While we were painting, I gave Amy a bit of the homemade cake we had. After she had some, I realized she was having an allergic reaction. So I got our first aid kit, gave her a shot, and she immediately got better. I then took her to the hospital to check everything again. I told her father via text since he wasnt picking up. Thankfully there were no issues at all.

Later when I explained the situation to Seth he was furious. He said I should've asked him or Amy about Mary's allergies because I was staying with her alone. I said I needed to be warned about this because this was sudden and out of the blue and Mary's nut allergy isn't something Amy had told me about. It simply never came up.

Seth called me an ignorant workaholic woman who doesn't care about family and left. Amy thinks I am right and that he should have told me but she also thinks it is pretty common to ask about allergies while babysitting children. I simply assumed if there was something I needed to know Seth would tell me. AITA ?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AITASpanish9 on 2023-06-21 06:57:58+00:00.

AITA for telling my stepmom that I WON'T learn her native language?

I 15F am a White American of Dutch and German decent. My stepmother is Mexican American.

I have always loved to learn new languages. I am currently studying Dutch because my ancestry made me interested in it. My stepmom 43F has been in my life long enough to know about my language learning passion. My bio-mom isn't in my life at the moment and my stepmom fulfilling that role for me. She is doing a good job in my opinion. She cars about me a lot.

Since my bio-mom isn't in my life my stepmom has wanted to have a closer bond with me. I don't mind that and I want it to. However, one thing bothers me. She knows about my language learning passion and wants me to learn Spanish so we could speak to each other in it. I don't hate the Spanish language but I'm not interested in it. I study Dutch because I have Dutch ancestry and because It allows me to read the diary of my Dutch great-grandfather. Spanish doesn't have that connection and history to me to convince me to put in the time and energy to learn it. I tell my stepmom this but she doesn't get it.

A weird thing she does is try to spanishize my name. If my name was "Mary" (not my name just an example) she'll try to call me "Maria." I tell her I find this weird and she'll apologize but call me the same name just a few minutes later. When I ask why she says its to get me used to being in a latin household with her. I find this response really weird so I just accepted being called a more Spanish version of my name in order to avoid that conversation.

Tonight I was home alone with stepmom. A situation like that allows her to talk to me on a much deeper level. So over dinner we talk. It was a good talk for the most part. She talked about her love for me and I was flattered. Because my bio-mom isn't in my life she has proposed that I be adopted by her. I'm still thinking about that but she mentioned indirectly during our conversation. "If you're going to be the daughter of a Latina like me you should learn Spanish to connect with your culture."

I have always found her obsession with me learning Spanish annoying. One more time I state that Spanish has no significance to me and that she can forget about me ever learning it. I finished my meal and went to my room to watch a movie.

Half way into the movie stepmom comes into my room and asks me for an apology. Apparently by stating that Spanish has no meaning to me I insulted her culture and heritage.

I don't feel like I did any of that. What is your opinion, redditors?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inside-Journalist166 on 2023-06-21 13:23:44+00:00.

Baby girl is due in a few weeks (or maybe days like damn she’s dropping). And we already know we have a trip coming up Memorial Day next year that will require us to leave our baby home with someone.

I️ immediately jumped to my parents would watch the baby ( I️ did make this assumption without consulting him) and he made the assumption his parents could watch her since we’d be flying out of the airport close to his parents.

I️ told him logistically it didn’t make sense because his parents wouldn’t watch our three dogs in addition to the baby so my parents would still have to drive five hours to our house to watch our dogs (which my dad would do in a heartbeat, many times I’ve had to watch him pack the car before going home because he’s tried to sneak my oldest hound out with him. They adore our dogs). If my parents are going to make the drive and care for the dogs, it would be best to leave the baby in her home that she’s familiar with and not tow her three hours away to his parents.

However I️ did voice to him that outside the logistics I️ was also just not comfortable with his parents watching the baby. I️ don’t know them well though they haven’t given me any like child abuse red flag vibes, if anything his mom is too coddling. I️ told my husband that I️ recognize I️ have a bias to my parents because they raised me so I️ know how they parent, react, I️ know them as people. I️ don’t have that relationship with his parents so like anyone else that I️ would want to watch their interactions with my child for a while before feeling comfortable that I️ know how they would react in certain situations and learn more about how they make decisions. Not to mention, it’s questionable already how they will respect boundaries. But with time and enough interaction, I’ll get to be comfortable with them watching the baby alone.

My husband is upset at this saying on the flip side he could say the same about my parents — which is totally true and fair. The only counter argument I️ have is that they’ve shown much more interest and willingness to compromise when it comes to our dogs than his parents. Both of our parents have dogs so it’s not about one liking dogs and the other not.

So the question lies, AITA setting the expectation that my in laws have to essentially earn my trust before watching our child?

EDIT: okay I️ realized I️ forgot to specify why the trust isn’t there:

1. They have two small dogs that bite and aren’t potty trained so they poop/pets where ever they want
2. It’s pretty rural so medical help is a minimum 25 minute drive
3. His dad isn’t Covid vaccinated

But otherwise they are very nice and kind!

EDIT 2: I️ accept the asshole verdict. I️ definitely should have put more details into the current status of the relationship with my in laws.

I️ will reopen this conversation with my husband and show him this post to discuss the comments.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Winterwere on 2023-06-21 12:28:17+00:00.

Long story short, I (M25) will organize a party to celebrate my degree and it has been 6 years that I’m waiting for this moment, since here in Italy the medical degree is 6 years long.

Today I told my friends to bring their swimsuits and my boyfriend (M26) told me he doesn’t feel comfortable with his body and that he would rather leave if we all go to the sea (since the restaurant is on the beach). I told him it was unnecessary to leave because I don’t think that everyone is going to bring their swimsuit and even if everybody does, we would have done a 10 minutes long bath just to have fun and then we would have stopped. I tried to convince him to bring his but I didn’t insist too much and I told him to either talk with us while standing on the shore or to talk with anybody else, my family and his family will be at the party too.

He was firm and he said I didn’t take into account the fact that he’s uncomfortable with his body and I replied that it’s my party and I would like to take a quick bath in the sea since I never have the chance to.

I started shouting and crying because everyday there’s a problem with my party and I’m so stressed about it. I’d rather not do it but my mother really wants to and I’m too much of a people pleaser to not do it.

He called me an asshole and he hang up the phone call. So do you think I am the asshole for not saying I would have cancelled the swimsuit idea?

Edit: thanks to everybody replying to this thread

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Shot_Climate3917 on 2023-06-21 13:47:52+00:00.

I 32M live in an apartment complex with a pool. There is no active lifeguard or anyone really monitoring it like most apartment pools.

On Saturday my boyfriend and I went to hangout at the pool around 2 PM. We get there and it’s packed. Like wayyy too packed. I knew this couldn’t all be residents. There were maybe 25-30 Hispanic people with beer(glass bottles of modelo as well, double rule break, with the alcohol AND glass), loud music, and they were also using both of the grills on the patio. After investigating further it looked like one of the small families that I’ve seen around the complex was having a birthday party for their kid.

Our complex technically has a rule that all non residents must be checked in at the office to use the pool, but there’s no way they enforce this and nobody really pays attention to that rule. BUT a whole ass birthday party?! The entire pool was filled with kids. It doesn’t specifically say no parties but it says be respectful of others spaces and not to hog items like the grills, hot tub, umbrella tables. My bf and I tried to lay out in the corner but it wasn’t working. After another couple told us how displeased they were with this party too, my bf suggested we say something. We left and stopped by the front office and told them about the party.

About an hour later we started seeing all them leaving the pool. It looked like the party was shut down. This morning we got a note on our door from the hosts of the party. Idek how they knew it was us or what unit we lived in but that’s beside the point. The note called us assholes for what we did and now said they are under a “lease review” where the office could decide to evict them if they want. So they thanked us for potentially getting a poor, small family kicked out. I said we weren’t the only ones who had a problem and if we didn’t do it they would have eventually gotten caught. I also told them that whatever happens is their own fault for blatantly breaking the rules. Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Acceptable-Nose5144 on 2023-06-21 11:28:54+00:00.

TW: mentions of Eating disorders. please protect yourself and click away if you can be triggered x

So I'm an adult female who lives a block away from my mum. I was anorexic and bulimic for 8 years, 'weight' recovered for over a year now. Still struggle with ED thoughts everyday but my job keeps me busy. However my mum has been dropping by and telling me how much weight she has been losing (she used to be slightly overweight) and keeps telling me the exact numbers. She knows I struggled with ED, what my triggers are and how I almost died during covid lockdown when I was at my worst. I have no idea how someone could be so insensitive around their daughter?

She loves dropping by without invitation and gets mad if I'm not home when she does. She lets herself in through the backdoor with her spare key. That key is for emergencies. She has zero respect for my privacy.

The last straw was me coming home to her looking through my suitcases full of old clothes, all spread over on my sofa in the living room. Those clothes were all from my severely underweight days. I put them away for a reason. I was going to donate them to charity when I am mentally strong enough to do so. But no, she was 'shopping' for clothes that would fit her (tiny sidenote: she is a whole foot shorter than me so she can fit in those clothes at her healthy weight, she is not starving herself drastically or anything) She said 'you CAN'T FIT in them anyway, so I'LL WEAR THEM FOR YOU. It's not like you're losing any weight these days'

I kept my cool and asked her to leave immediately. I was so triggered, hurt and angry at the same time I starved myself that entire weekend. A few days after I changed the locks to my backdoor and she still doesn't understand what she did wrong. I've been ignoring her calls and texts for 2 weeks. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FluoxetineWriter on 2023-06-21 07:19:19+00:00.

My BF's dog, Skipper, who started to lose weight quickly around Nov is dying. We took him to the vet, they recommended a high-protein diet. When that didn't work, I scheduled Skipper again in Feb. My BF, Jeff, took him in and they found a "volleyball sized mass" growing in his abdomen. They were shocked at how large it was since there was no sign of any growth in Nov. The vet said he was doing well so we could take him home.

Present day, he has lost a significant amount of weight, hasn't had energy, isn't eating, and his #2s have gotten very dark and runny. Skipper is Jeff's first pet EVER, and I've had animals all my life, so I am familiar with the signs. Again, I had to be the one to make the appt. because Jeff would not hear my concerns. However, he did agree to a "Quality of Life" assessment appt..

The vet said Skipper is not doing well [he's had the same vet all 9 years of his life] and that she can tell he is not the same dog. So they called Jeff to ask him what he would like to do, and we scheduled an euthanasia.

Now, during the time that Skipper has been sick, I have been the one to take care of him. I've gotten him pain killers and soft foods when he stopped eating solid. I wipe his rear after his runny #2's, and I carried him up the stairs every night when he wasn't able to climb them anymore. I am home with him, hand-feeding him, bathing him, taking him potty.... I love this boy.

So now the dreaded day has come and Jeff drops a bomb on me saying I will not be going to the appt.. I asked him if he was messing with me and he said, "No, I don't want anyone there. We already talked about this." Which, sidebar, we didn't. I mentioned to him the other day that WE can take my car so Skipper doesn't have to ride in his truck's bed and Jeff said "Okay."

I told him that Skipper is my dog too and I deserve to get a chance to say goodbye and that I don't need his permission. I know the address and what time, I can just go without him. He said that it is not my right to do that and it is his decision because Skipper is his dog. I told Jeff he is being heartless to which he responded that I was crossing the line and trying to make it about me. He said that I can't be there because that is how he grieves. And I said I can't sit at home alone and just wait for you to come back and tell me Skipper is gone, I don't grieve that way.

Jeff got very frustrated and snapped, he said that it is Skipper's last night and it is not my decision because he is not my dog. I don't want to get in a huge fight when there are bigger things on our plate...but, I want to be able to say goodbye to Skipper because he's my dog too and I love him. On the other hand, Jeff is Skipper's owner. He has had him since he was a puppy and I want to respect his wishes.

AITA if I show up to the appointment to say my goodbyes even if Jeff doesn't want me there?.... I just want to be able to kiss my boy goodnight one last time.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ShowUsYaNungas on 2023-06-21 12:46:17+00:00.

My dad died 12 years ago.

At the time; me, my brothers and my step mother survived him. My brothers were both married, both childless and home owners. I was (and still am) married, had 4 kids (now 5) and was renting.

When my dad was on his death bed, I asked how my step mother would go financially. My dad had a very satisfied and content look on his face and told me "she would be looked after."

I discovered this meant $220k in life insurance which my dad bequeathed to my step mother in his will. Shortly after he passed, one of my brothers called me asking to help contest the will. I refused. I couldn't imagine contesting the will and taking that security way from my step mother after knowing what giving that security meant to my dad. As a result, my brothers never contested the will themselves.

After my refusing to contest the will, my brothers alienated me for a few years. We re-kindled our relationship after those few years however things have never been the same. My younger brother blames this on me due to "not backing their play" a dozen years ago.

So, AITA?

Additional context: our parents split when we were all minors. Dad met and later married our step mom when we were all adults. Our step mom was never a part of our upbringing and gave our dad a good life before MND hit and during the years of his decline... and ultimately his passing. She gave us no reason to want to take anything away from her. She was a good wife to our dad.