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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NightFluid5111 on 2023-06-25 15:53:11+00:00.
My sister (41) and my niece (12) live with me (31), my wife (29) and our 2 sons (12, 6). My wife is currently pregnant and she has stated that she cannot figure out if this is her hormones or not and asked that I post here for unbiased feedback. Now, the reason they live with us is because my sister's ex husband is a piece of work and often got on my nieces case about food. She is extremely food insecure now- but in a hoarding food sense. To a point of her freaking out if my kids eat snacks because there "won't be enough for her", even if the cupboards are full of snacks and food. They've been here for bordering 3 months now and we had never once told her she couldn't eat our food until now.
My sister babies my niece a lot because of everything they've been through and I get it but it's starting to cause a lot of tension. Like my niece will be sitting on the couch with popcorn and cheez-itz and Rice Krispy Treats and will throw an absolute tantrum and go check the cupboards to see how much food is left after our kids get a snack and start yelling "mumma, they're going to eat it all". It's fucking infuriating, even to me, but especially my wife- who buys all of the food. My sister's job pays really shit so she contributes very little to the food or cost of living. We have sat my sister down and tried working out a snack plan or something to that affect because our tolerance of my niece and her food behaviors are quickly flying out the window but my sister keeps saying "she's in therapy, it won't be like this forever" and essentially does nothing about her daughters behaviors other than baby talking her (ie: "it's okay baby, I'm sure they will leave you some").
Well, yesterday I had just gotten home from work and our kids were getting ready to go to their sports. My wife told the kids to grab some snacks for the ride because it would be a late dinner (tournament week). They grabbed a couple bags of chips and some freezer pops. As soon as my kids got in the freezer for the pops, my niece is in a full melt down. "You can't have those, I wanted them, momma their eating all the freezer pops!" My wife snaps a bit and says "my kids can eat the food I bought!" And walks out. I then tell my niece and my sister that our kids snacks aren't to be touched anymore and that she would have to start buying her kid her own food because we are past our limit and she's not doing anything to help. My niece was crying, saying "so they get all of it? That's not fair" and my sister was carrying the same tune; stating I'm heartless of my nieces condition and going to make it worse. AITA?
ETA: my niece is in therapy and has been since the split between her parents. My sister is trying to get food stamps but it's currently on hold until the court makes a verdict on Child Support and Medical Insurance.