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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Icy-Technology-6863 on 2023-06-24 09:12:18+00:00.
So I (25F) live around ten minutes away from my brother (33M) and his family. His son (Max) is 5 years old and the cutest little ray of sunshine. On Tuesday evenings I take him swimming and on Sunday mornings I go to the park with the family (sometimes my friend and her kid will come along). This isn’t a strict routine but overall I spend a lot of time with my nephew and I deeply enjoy it.
This was fine at the start but after a while my brother started saying that I’m making his son “a bit too soft”. These are the examples he gave me:
- When I’m out with the family (let’s say we all go to the park together), Max prefers to hold my hand. I explained that this is probably because he’s used to holding his parents hands so I’m different and exciting.
- Max is more comfortable expressing his emotions with me rather than his dad. One time I was having dinner with the family and Max hurt himself whilst playing. Well he went up to his parents and showed him where he hurt himself but he didn’t cry. However when he came up to me he burst into tears and curled into my lap. My brother told him to stop being dramatic and that he’s fine. Granted, Max probably knew I would hug and console him (and that his dad would simply tell him to get over it) but there’s nothing wrong with a 5 year old crying and wanting hugs.
- Overall Max is very affectionate and is constantly hugging me or holding my hands or kissing my cheek. He doesn’t do this with his dad. Apparently this is proof I’m making his son “soft”.
So my brother highlighted the above as examples of his son getting influenced by me. His wife/my SIL disagrees, she says that Max really loves me and that it’s normal for a 5 year old kid to be this way.
The final incident happened last week. I had arrived at their house and Max gave me a flower he found. My brother grumpily said that he never got a flower and then took me aside for a private chat. He basically said that I’m turning his son into a “softie” and making him “too emotional”. At this point I snapped and told him that he’s crazy for describing a 5 year old child as a softie. I told him that there’s nothing wrong with his son’s behavior and that he should seek therapy before making nonsense complaints.
I was pretty mad so ended up leaving straightaway.
So now my brother thinks I'm an asshole for snapping at him like that. He said that he simply pointed out the obvious and that my response was uncalled for. However his wife thinks he is the AH and apologized to me.
Was my response disproportionate? Am I the asshole?