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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sleepy-Joy-8 on 2023-06-23 03:22:14+00:00.
My aunt “Emily” is married to my uncle “Jeff.” That makes Jeff’s mother “Linda” my great aunt-in-law, which is how I know her. Linda has never been discrete about the fact that she doesn’t like Emily. Emily’s always been nice to Linda, but Linda is always super rude to her. Linda’s super sexist against women despite being a woman herself. She says things like how Emily would be a homemaker if she were a good wife and actually cared about Jeff. Despite Emily and Jeff earning about the same amount, Linda also has this weird logic that Emily is “stealing Jeff’s money” because they aren’t actively trying for a baby. Most of adults in the family make excuses for Linda’s rudeness and sexism because “she’s old” and “it was a different time.” So you can’t call her out without becoming the bad guy. Jeff, Emily, and my parents are basically the only adults in the family not constantly making excuses for her.
Emily’s dad (my actual grandpa) has had mobility issues for a while. Before he was staying in a gated community for older adults, but it started getting really expensive to live there and he and Emily both agreed they’d be happier if my grandpa lived with her. Jeff had no problem with it since he and my grandpa get along really well. But Linda threw a fit when she found out. She said that my grandpa couldn’t move in because they “had” to keep an open bedroom in case Linda needed to move in. Jeff put his foot down with Linda, and during a family barbeque, Linda was complaining to anyone who would listen how Emily “poisoned” Jeff against her, that it’s the woman’s job to take care of her husband’s family, and even said it was “unfortunate” for my grandpa that he didn’t have a son. Linda turned to me and told me that she hopes I’ll not be like Emily and “do what’s right” when I have my own husband. I was really annoyed with Linda, so I told her that women have more purpose in life than just obeying their husbands’ families. This is the part where I may be the asshole, but I then commented that “It’s no wonder your daughter doesn’t talk to you.” Linda’s daughter is no-contact with her (likely for the kind of attitudes and behaviors listed above.)
Linda caused a scene and ended up going home early. My parents defended me but the rest of the adults there (Emily and Jeff weren’t present) told me my behavior was unacceptable. They agreed that a lot of the things Linda says are “outdated/old-fashioned” but I have to remember that she’s old and I can’t judge people from a different time for not having a modern viewpoint. They all said that someday I’m gonna grow up and be embarrassed of myself now for “picking on” an elderly woman, my own great aunt-in-law, no less, and then told my parents that they’ve raised a brat. I know bringing Linda’s relationship with her daughter into it was a low blow, and the majority of the adults in this situation said I was the asshole. So I’m looking for neutral perspectives on here.