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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MaesCousin on 2023-06-21 20:27:55+00:00.
Me and my cousin Mae had a close friendship as children. As we became teenagers and our lives got busier, we naturally did drift apart, but still talked every two weeks or so during college. During Mae’s third year of college, she suddenly stopped talking to everyone in the family. She dropped out of school without telling any of us. Her parents had to find out from a classmate. We reported her as missing because we were afraid something bad happened to her. Mae sent a message to the family letting us know she was okay but that she had never felt satisfied with her previous life and just needed to start over.
Mae had never let on that she felt this way during our conversations. And it obviously hurt that she hadn’t tried to talk to me about it before just leaving. The only reason I maintained a lot of my social media profiles for a while after was so Mae would be able to find me if she ever changed her mind. I tried reaching out to her as well but I admit that after about two years I gave up and accepted Mae as a lost cause.
We had no contact with Mae for almost seven years. But she recently returned. Mae has three children; A five-year-old and two-year-old twins. She never told us about them. Mae never reached out during her pregnancies or after any of their births. Mae explained that her daughter’s father had passed away and the twins’ had taken off. She was doing her best on her own, but after the boy twin was diagnosed with a disability, she realized that she couldn’t do it on her own anymore.
Mae’s parents are willing to take her in and help with the grandchildren, but she said it would be hard for her because she knows they’re disappointed in her and the life choices she’s made, and seeing their faces/the way they look at her everyday would pose even more of a strain on her mental health. Mae asked to move in with me, saying that she knows I understand what it’s like to be a mother because of my own three-year-old son and brought up our childhood friendship with each other.
I told Mae that I have also been hurt and disappointed by her actions. She never tried to talk with me about her feelings of dissatisfaction or wanting to start over. Instead she just took off and left us to worry about her. I can empathize with being a mother, but I also need to put my own child’s well-being first. What if my son grows attached to her and her children just for her to run out of our lives again? My son has had enough loss in his life. How could I allow her to move in and trust her not to hurt us again?
Mae is staying with her parents right now. Mae texted me, saying she wished I had allowed her to move in, because, as she told me before, it’s a huge mental strain on her to live with her parents and seeing the disappointment in their eyes everyday. She also told me that she hoped our years of friendship would have meant more to me when she was facing such a low point in her life, both when she first left and now that she’s returned. AITA?