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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/FluoxetineWriter on 2023-06-21 07:19:19+00:00.
My BF's dog, Skipper, who started to lose weight quickly around Nov is dying. We took him to the vet, they recommended a high-protein diet. When that didn't work, I scheduled Skipper again in Feb. My BF, Jeff, took him in and they found a "volleyball sized mass" growing in his abdomen. They were shocked at how large it was since there was no sign of any growth in Nov. The vet said he was doing well so we could take him home.
Present day, he has lost a significant amount of weight, hasn't had energy, isn't eating, and his #2s have gotten very dark and runny. Skipper is Jeff's first pet EVER, and I've had animals all my life, so I am familiar with the signs. Again, I had to be the one to make the appt. because Jeff would not hear my concerns. However, he did agree to a "Quality of Life" assessment appt..
The vet said Skipper is not doing well [he's had the same vet all 9 years of his life] and that she can tell he is not the same dog. So they called Jeff to ask him what he would like to do, and we scheduled an euthanasia.
Now, during the time that Skipper has been sick, I have been the one to take care of him. I've gotten him pain killers and soft foods when he stopped eating solid. I wipe his rear after his runny #2's, and I carried him up the stairs every night when he wasn't able to climb them anymore. I am home with him, hand-feeding him, bathing him, taking him potty.... I love this boy.
So now the dreaded day has come and Jeff drops a bomb on me saying I will not be going to the appt.. I asked him if he was messing with me and he said, "No, I don't want anyone there. We already talked about this." Which, sidebar, we didn't. I mentioned to him the other day that WE can take my car so Skipper doesn't have to ride in his truck's bed and Jeff said "Okay."
I told him that Skipper is my dog too and I deserve to get a chance to say goodbye and that I don't need his permission. I know the address and what time, I can just go without him. He said that it is not my right to do that and it is his decision because Skipper is his dog. I told Jeff he is being heartless to which he responded that I was crossing the line and trying to make it about me. He said that I can't be there because that is how he grieves. And I said I can't sit at home alone and just wait for you to come back and tell me Skipper is gone, I don't grieve that way.
Jeff got very frustrated and snapped, he said that it is Skipper's last night and it is not my decision because he is not my dog. I don't want to get in a huge fight when there are bigger things on our plate...but, I want to be able to say goodbye to Skipper because he's my dog too and I love him. On the other hand, Jeff is Skipper's owner. He has had him since he was a puppy and I want to respect his wishes.
AITA if I show up to the appointment to say my goodbyes even if Jeff doesn't want me there?.... I just want to be able to kiss my boy goodnight one last time.