Dear Daughter,
This is part III of a continuation of posts related to false accusations and my unfair arrest, coordinated by your mother, along with your grandfather and their attorney.
After spending the night in jail, the next morning I was released from the Santa Ana Detention Center. Your uncle R, posted bail for me in the amount of $10,000 USD. That means if I try to skip town and not show up for my court date hearing, your uncle has to pay $10,000 out of his pocket. That allowed me to get out of jail without having to stay in prison for a longer period of time. The cost of that privilege was $1,000 which came out of my pocket and I never saw it again. Let’s not trivialize the cost of this with just that amount. This little stunt of your mom’s cost me $30,000 which is now a very small fraction of how much was spent as a result of her and false accusations and her ferocity and enjoyment for litigation. That could have been money put to good use. It is now gone forever, into the hands of some greedy attorney's that your mom hired.
The problem I faced when I got out of jail that morning was that I had no wallet or keys or phone. For some reason all my possessions that I took with me to jail, were still at the Irvine police department and I was now getting out of the Santa Ana detention center (jail).
Heartbreakingly, because of that I had to call your grandmother in New York on a payphone, and reverse the phone call charges in order to have her reach out to your uncle to help me, because I did not memorize his phone number. This is a lesson learned to have the people close and dearest to you on speed dial in your brain. Do you believe they still had pay phones then?
Your grandmother asked what was wrong, and I had to explain to her that your mother had me arrested. I then asked your Grandma to contact your uncle here in California. She was crying so much. Then your aunt got on the phone and she was crying as well. I couldn't contain myself either. I started to break down in tears. I never wanted to upset your grandmother or your aunt, but your mother left me no choice. I needed there help to get me out of this situation. I was also exhausted from that very long night. I kept asking myself why your mom would do such a thing, but I had no immediate answers for that. This is when your grandmother and your aunt realized the truth about your mother. I loved your grandma and I love your aunt so much. They are two of the most wonderful people on this planet and I am not saying that because they are family. They are both truly kind hearted people. [At the time I write this, your Aunt’s time in this world is very limited. I want to support her but the harassment has become unbearable. I explained to her the reason I had to leave and she understood].
I never had to explain myself to them, because they already knew that I would never be capable of such a horrible act. Their sadness soon turned into anger towards your mom. Your grandmother questioned her actions, and then she asked what was wrong with your mom. She kept repeating how good our family was to your her, and this is how she repays us.
Your mom's timing of her bad behavior was impeccable. It was like she knew every action that was occurring with me through this hardship I was facing and wanted to punish me further and inflict even more pain that me and my family were experiencing. When I did pick up my possessions from the Irvine Police Department, I received a text message from your mom soon after, with the picture of you and me in Irvine riding a merry go round together. This was an obvious attempt to taunt me. I asked myself who was this person that I let into my life. I no longer knew who she was as she was now taunting me [picture will soon be posted]. This is when I started to have a fear of your mother.
Based on the criminal code I was no longer able to live in my home. The code takes you away from me as well, so I no longer had access to you, or any of my possessions at the home. I was not allowed to go back to my own home and I had to sleep at your Uncles house for a couple of days. The day after the arrest your Uncle R went to what was once my home to ask your mother for my laptop and other items so I could do my work. I was worried about losing my job because I couldn’t work if I didn’t have it. Since she was not home your uncle had to climb to the second floor of the home to retrieve it. What he did was very dangerous and I am very grateful for his help. He entered my home office to retrieve it and he got some of my clothes and other accessories to help me live with them until I figured things out. Since your Uncle is a former police officer he contacted the Irvine police department a head of time for and escort while all this took place. They gave him the permission to enter the home that way. After your Uncle retrieved my items, he spoke to one police officer that wasn’t even there the night of the arrest. Your Uncle R walked over to me and said, “do you believe the nerve of this rookie clown?”. While I waited anxiously for a response, he shook his head back and forth and said “He just told me, that your brother needs to do the right thing. I asked him if he was there the night of the alleged crime and he said, “no”, I asked him how the hell does he know if she is not lying. He said the officer stuttered incoherently and embarrassed.” Your Uncle went on to say that these guys should all be wearing diapers.”. I believe he was referring to the fact that they were all rookie inexperienced cops. Then surprisingly your brother said “What’s wrong with this street, it’s like Grand Central Station during rush hour.”. Our home sat on a culdesac and one reason we purchased the home was because it had little traffic and was very quiet. I immediately knew what your brother was talking about because I noticed the excess traffic myself. Multiple cars and what sometimes looked like the same person driving a different car coming down the culdesac only to turn right around because their was no where else to go.
His statement instantly brought back flashbacks of the recent incidences that occurred with recent dealings that I had with your mother prior to this incidence of false accusations. Prior to this incidence, when your mom moved you to her parents and commuted to Irvine for her job, I remembered how your mom repeated private conversations that I’ve had on the phone with my attorney and friends about different issues. Then I recalled how my cell phone battery life was not functioning up to par and my cell phone always seemed to be overheated. When I removed the SD card from the phone, I started to get strange codes being texted from your mother randomly. Many scary ideas came to my mind about the person that I married. Was I now being stalked by her? Why did she now have the need to know everything about me and my life? I thought about the fact that sometime shortly after her repeating my conversations, she felt the need to drive 60 miles from her parent’s home to retrieve a store purchased container of milk from our home refrigerator. She was frantic about getting this milk and she became aggressive in her desire to come to the home to get this. It was then that I thought she was likely trying to retrieve something that assisted her in her monitoring of my conversations. It was my intuition that was telling me something wasn’t right with her behavior. At that time, I questioned if it was really over between us. Did she decide to give up that quickly, only after a few months of our relationship going downhill? My thoughts focused back on my conversation with your brother. I told him I noticed the amount of vehicles too. I went on to tell him that this is not typical for this street.
My brother and I left what was once my home and I ended up staying at your brother’s home for a few days while things get sorted out. I am very grateful for his help and continued support throughout all of this unnecessary mess.
A few days later I went to visit my attorney for our divorce. He told me that what your mom did was like releasing an atomic bomb on our situation. It does exactly what she wanted it to do. Remove me from your life, from our home, and make it as difficult as possible to be your dad. The district attorney is the person that prosecutes these types of crimes in criminal court. What your mom didn't expect was for the district attorney to immediately drop the charges and there was no criminal hearing. The reason for this is because I had already called the police on your mother a few weeks earlier because of her erratic behavior and I explained to them during that call to the police that I was in fear for not only my safety, but also for my freedom. This was absolutely true. Your mom made things very difficult for me. She was already spreading rumors about me, that I was an alcoholic and that I was abusive to her. Those fears that I had as a child of falsely being accused surfaced and my proactivity served me very well in this situation. The district attorney already knew what your mom was up to and didn't want to touch this case at all. He had already listened to the phone calls I made to the police pleading with them to help protect me against her at decided to dismiss the case. All criminal charges were immediately dropped, but not without the pain to me and my family.
Unfortunately, the false accusations and the abuses that I received from your mother and your grandfather escalated with intensity shortl thereafter. I was still not finished with this ordeal of this false accusations of domestic abuse. I was finished proving my innocence to the criminal court system, but I now had to face the family court system with these same accusations. This is where I mentioned before, in a previous post, that the Violence Against Women Act was unconstitutional. To be tried twice for the same crime is what is called double jeopardy. The interesting things is that now you are tried by one person, the judge, and not a jury of your peers as it would have been in criminal or civil court. The family court system has the power to charge me as guilty and issue a restraining order against me. If a restraining order is issued by the judge, it would force me to stay away your mom and you for many years. That means that I couldn’t see you for a very long time. Double jeopardy should prevent this unconstitutional act of being tried twice for the same crime. Fortunately, I was not charged for this despicable accusation in family court either.
This Violence Against Women Act was meant to protect women from real abuse and your mom used that law illegally to take you away from me. Despite me being cleared of these charges in two courts, years later I petitioned the criminal court to seal and destroy my arrest record. A judge in this case agreed that no abuse from me ever occurred, and ordered that any record of my arrest should be sealed and destroyed. Despite this, your mother was never punished for these heinous accusations. In fact, she never showed any fear of me the entire 6 months that we waited for our family court hearing to address these accusations. During the 6 months she tried to entice me to communicate with her over 50 times. She knew that if I were to respond even once to her communications, I would be arrested for doing so and the restraining order might stay in place permanently. I watched as she would antagonize me day after day taunting me to respond to her. I did not responde to her because I love you too much, and I wanted you to be an important part of my life.
They say hindsight is 20/20. There is so much truth in that statement; but often we are gifted with a sense of intuition which helps us navigate life. I’ll never know if that intuition saved my life in the past but what I do know is that when I felt situations were just not right, I would use that intuition to stay clear of the possible danger. What I realized over those months that your mom was giving me so much trouble was that she was slowly trying to set me up. My intuition screamed to me about this, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I called the police to help me, I called my attorney to help me and neither would help assist me in anyway. And hey, besides, I’m a man, I should be able to protect myself and handle abuse from a women. What I found is that no one wanted to help me or let alone care about what was happening to me. Unfortunately that is one of the unfair aspects of life. You’ll learn that most people just don’t care enough. The laws are meant to protect women and what I learned is that men can be abused just as much as women can. You’re mom accused me of all the things that she was actually doing to me and she still does it today after all this time. She was abusive and I was helpless, in a world that doesn’t really care about protecting men from abusive women. I finally realized that I was being abused.
What I figured out after the arrest is that your mom basically set me up. She threw me under the bus, stabbed me in the back, fed me to the wolves and other terminologies that amount to absolute deception on her part. It’s likely that she conspired with her attorney and possibly your grandfather to create an uncomfortable situation. That uncomfortable situation was to refuse me access to care for you by myself, and to be the parent I wanted to be. Prior to the arrest, every single moment she spent in our home in Irvine she would instigate a situation that would create doubt in people’s mind about my attempts at being a good husband, a good father, and a decent person. I no longer knew who this person was, until one day she found the perfect opportunity to call the police on me, thus dropping that atomic bomb on our situation making things turn from bad to worse. What she did was illegal and immoral. If her attorney suggested it to her then her attorney should be disbarred. This is corruption at its finest. The laws for domestic violence were meant to protect women. Since it’s inception and during your lifetime, it has managed to morph into a way of protecting both men and women, but it’s original intention was to protect women that had a fear of their safety. Your mother abused this law by doing what she did, and she showed not one shred of fear as she contacted me by email and phone over 50 times before we finally made it to court to determine that I did not commit this crime she accused me of. I knew that if I was to respond to her attempts to contact me, I would instantly be thrown in jail. The person claiming to be harassed was actually the harasser.
Let me also go into detail as to what your grandfather did. Your grandfather was in the courtroom heckling me. He was making absurd faces at me through most of my testimony at the hearing. Your Uncle R was there and could not believe what he was doing. Uncle R looked at him and saw the judge give him a disapproving face at which point he stopped. His purpose was to instigate me. This is something he has been doing since the beginning of this debacle that he and your mom created from the start. My thoughts went back to my Dad and if he would ever do such a think and without any question in my mind I know he would not. I recall the day I asked him for your mom’s hand in marriage. He was very excited and happy. While seeing him do this I said to myself, “Who is this person and what kind of family did I marry into?” I realized I made a big mistake in marrying your mom and you are the only good that came about it and I have done nothing but suffer under their hands to maintain my relationship with you. Your mom gave testimony as well and her story had changed so many times throughout this whole ordeal. You’ll learn that when people tell stories that seem to change often, it’s likely that they cannot get the fictitious facts each time they have to explain it. There is a good saying for this, “Oh What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” - SIr Walter Scott
As a result of their lies and the pain that they put me through, I was angry and rightfully so. I was angry at her bad behavior, angry at the injustice. It was at this point that I realized there was never going back. We reached the point of no return and would never be a family once again. Your mother had taken a hatchet to our family and butchered it beyond recognition, just as she was so excellent at hacking to pieces those people that survived on their jobs. You mom severed what was left of possibly of our family being saved. My family, your uncle, aunt, grandmother, finally realized that the problem was not with me, but it was with your mother. My family knew I was never capable of doing what she claims I did. Her lies to my family were no longer relevant. She had lost any and all support from my family. There are many other dynamics that I believe are going on with your mom that I will not go into detail about, but in future writings I will provide you information on how you can avoid situations like the one I put myself in with this person I really never knew.
It didn’t stop there. What ensued over a 10 year period was and ongoing assault on me from your mom and grandfather that hasn’t ceased to this date. The vile statements she would make to me in emails, the lies she would tell the court all supported by her attorney. Your grandfather’s personal attacks on me when I was in court or when I would see him at your school plays or other school functions. Both your mom’s and your grandfather’s behavior was absolutely disgusting. I will go into each of them in detail and with evidence.
I love you so much and I hope you don’t look down on me for telling you the truth. The truth is what it is and I promised I would never lie to you. This is the truth going forward.
Love, Your Dad