this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2024
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Nope, you're describing not being young, that's nothing like being actually old. Growing old has a bunch of stages:
joint pain
can no longer dance all night
hangovers last all day
dentists start talking to you about your gums
But then you get to the phase of
skin losing elasticity
liking dinner parties
marijuana is now a medicine
developed distinct preferences about stuff like threadcount
And then after that the next phase is more like
a lot of time worrying about your parents
all body fat migrates to one or two of its favourite spots
seriously consider putting everything on lanyards
your favourite singers are all dead
And so on, you get the picture. That's as far as I've traveled but as far as I can see the phases after that involve things like bladder leakage and losing friends to alzheimers.
Stage one: Effortful noise when rising from a low chair/sofa
Stage two: Inability to rise from a low chair/sofa. Beanbag? Nooooo….
My own turning point was finding myself unable to get out of the bath by just standing up. It was comic but also terrifying. I eventually worked out I could lever myself up with my arms. Phew.