Socialanxiety

as others already suggested i think therapy is probably very helpful. but ill try to give another input. do you have any chance to engage in something social? like family functions or some coworkers party you would be invited to? maybe it could be nice to go. it doesnt need to be a big commitment. you can leave early i f you feel bad. but in my experiences this is the first step one can do. and ofc you wont become friends with people there instantly. but the more you are around people, the more those people will like you, in my experience. i was able to make a friend from just beeing at some queer meet ups were that person happened to be aswell. that leads me to the second tip i have, maybe you could find community in hobbys or the like. i find it hard to meet up in real life but shareing my drawings and connect with other beginner artists online was really fun for me. i am not even good. but it doesnt matter ^^ thats why i like reddit/lemmy and the like. i can find a community i find intersting and participate. and after some while i start to recognize the usernames.

i wish you all the best. i absolutly know how hopeless things can seem especially after such a long time. i was once in a similar spot. to you. but even now things can still turn around. there are so many people out there, a bunch of them would love to have you there and eventually to be your friend. the biggest border i had was makeing myself aviable for others, by beeing in public at events or in communitys.