Asklemmy

Side note: I don't know if I was clinically dead in any of these.

I have three experiences. When I was 10 I was hit by an SUV travelling 50+ mph while walking across a highway. It knocked my shoes off and threw me dozens of feet. I still don't remember anything. Apparently I was unconscious for awhile. First responder said they saved my life while waiting for an air lift to take me to the hospital. It was the kind of nothing when you sleep and wake up.

The second I mixed a bunch of drugs. I think I was on 5 different ones. I took an absolutely massive rip of air duster and instantly my body was gone and so was anything resembling reality. I remember thinking ohhh I'm dead. My being and/or individuality was melting / merging into this infinitely recursuve fractal pattern. The sense I was an individual was an illusion. Then I snapped back into consciousness.

The third I definitely don't think I was dead, but it was a very relevant dream. The kind of dream that is so vivid it is indistinguishable from reality. I was completely sober at this point in my life (in part because of the experience above and another experience with hallucinogens where I saw the exact same thing the VFX artists made in the exorcism of emily rose, but I saw it before the movie was even made).

The dream started with me at my own funeral. I was for lack of a better word a spirit. I've never had dreams like this before or after.

The most fascinating thing was the sense of need and/or desire was completely gone. I felt the most free I had ever felt in my life. But I did have tasks. I had to visit my best friend Brant. He was in a very dark small place that I kind of transported to he was dead/ a spirit too. He apparently hasn't had a source of light here and I apparently had a small bit of shine. Because the room lit up a bit when I entered. We laughed about how weird it was that there were shadows even though we were semi transparent. Then my dad (whom I never saw but apparently was guiding me through my tasks) said I don't know how long you have left you need to go. So I left and I visited/transported to my mom who was also a spirit. We danced together. She was skinny and wearing a bright red dress. There was more light here but it was still nondescript. Then I woke up .

I sobbed like a baby for probably 30 minutes when I woke up. The biggest change was that I had desires again. I desperately wanted to stay in that state I was in during the dream. The best I can describe it is if you had a good job, had great sex, ate an amazing meal, than sat in your most comfortable chair next to the people you love, for a brief moment you wouldn't feel any base human level desire just a vague satisfaction. It was like that but times 100 and it was just the default state.

Since they dream I've only told it to strangers and Brant. Brant had since died via suicide at age 25. My mom who has been obese most of my life, has lost significant amounts of weight and now owns a strikingly similar dress. Honestly I don't know what to make of it. It still spooks me. It changed my life.