this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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It's interesting how just a few instances of surprise rejection early in life can have a big effect on personality. I ended up paranoid, always assuming that no one could really like me and anyone who acted as if he or she did was just pitying me or playing some cruel prank on me that I was too socially inept to see.
It got to the point that when I went to a school dance (I didn't want to but my parents made me) and the prettiest girl in the class asked me to dance with her, I actually got upset. I couldn't believe that she sincerely wanted to. I said yes because it would have been rude to say no, but I was convinced that everybody including her was secretly laughing at me.
I only considered the possibility that she was sincere years later, when I was an adult, but even now my brain is telling me "Nah, loser, she just felt sorry for you."
Same, even went to tinder to try to get some validation, but still felt like they were just pitying me and always ended up ghosting my matches and never doing anything besides the initial small talk, it's a hole that's very hard to crawl out of.
Uh, what's your secret to getting matches on Tinder? I can't imagine trying to meet women in order to feel validated. I did online dating before apps, when people had to have written profiles and send messages. I thought I was writing thoughtful messages to women whose profiles made them seem like they might want to hear from me, but I got ignored so much that it was really hard on my self-esteem.
Am I ugly? My grandma says I'm not ugly...
Edit: I just assumed that you're a heterosexual man like me, but maybe you're a woman getting matches from men? That would be very validating, according to what I've heard.
I'm a man, and I really don't know too since I too consider myself ugly, but seems like having a few photos where I dressed something like high casual helped I guess, also a photo with your pet if you have one.