2meirl4meirl

CW: I’m about to just complain about drugs for a while

Want to know what fuckin sucks? Being just the wrong type of neurodivergent so none of the happy chemicals work the right way.

Drinking tastes bad and does nothing. Unless I drink a lot in which case I just get a headache. No happiness, no confidence, just a “why am I paying for something that tastes bad and gives me a headache when I could be buying dessert or something else that actually tastes good?” Sure mixed drinks can mask the taste of alcohol well but do know what gets rid of that taste completely? Not adding it in the first place.

When I say that to people they usually tell me to grow up or call me a kid, but honestly hell yeah. I’d take a pop over a beer any day. Tell the bartender to give me a fucking capri sun.

Anyway, the point is alcohol does not work like a happy chemical. “Oh you’re just not drinking enough” yeah sure Jake, remember when you and I split a bottle? Oh yeah you don’t remember because you nearly blacked out. You were smiling till the end and all I got was a fucking migraine that lasted into the morning. It’s basically like my hangover starts when I start drinking and doesn’t stop till hours after I stop. So it’s just pain for no reason.

Next, Weed does absolutely nothing for me. Doesn’t even make me tired. Possibly does make me hungry but not enough to make me certain it does. Also makes my eyes feel dry. Oh and just like alcohol, weed also tastes bad and smells bad too. But hey my friends like it when I talk about space while they’re high and I enjoy their awe. Just kinda wish it worked for me too.

And guess what. I’m ADHD, so stimulants just make my brain tired and sometimes give me physical anxiety feelings. I am grateful that my meds help me focus and be able to make lists and stuff, but also why the fuck isn’t that just a standard feature of my brain in the first place?

Sure I haven’t tried all the drugs, but we’re at least 10:0 of drugs I’ve tried to ones that make me happy. (Unless you count candy/chocolate as a drug), and the ones I’ve yet to try are much less accessible. Is it worth it to keep trying if most likely it’ll just be an expensive headache? Most drugs just give me a headache. The physical effects sometimes work but not the cognitive ones, not the good ones at least.

Anyway, not to be the “you should be grateful you don’t have it worse” kind of guy, but the next time you choose to not take your suffering raw, be grateful you have that option.

Remember kids, thank your drugs the next time you use them lol