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Oh boy. You have really been through some rough times, I am so sorry about that. Especially with not having family around for support.
So what you're describing with texts sounds exactly like what I would experience with anything related to hospitals. My wife has experienced many severe health problems, and even TV shows about the medical world would send me into a tailspin. I would have physical reactions—heart racing, intense fear, etc.
I talked to my doctor about it and he diagnosed me with panic disorder or PTSD from the experiences I had. I was put on medication that helped a ton with panic. I also continued seeing my therapist.
I am not a doctor, but maybe you're experiencing something similar? I know you don't want to be on meds, but maybe it's worth talking to a doc and see what they say?
At any rate wish you the best, these scary feelings are not fun.
As someone who's lost their partner recently, this is exactly right. My favorite shows used to be medical ones and I cannot even see a commercial in a medical setting without getting pulled back to that day instantly. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD because of the experience.
Sounds like OP has PTSD also. Meds and therapy for him and her, especially couples therapy, would be what's needed. Don't know what that looks like in a 3rd world country though.