this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2024
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
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I pretend to speak in different languages. I give speeches as Mao Zedong, Hitler, Churchill, Kennedy, tv preachers, etc. I play with different high pitched Lincoln sounds and encourage the troops. I’ve encouraged ships full of pirates to prepare for Spanish ships and all the treasure that awaits them. I’ve called back to Houston to describe the moons of Jupiter. I’ve recorded my farewell to my family as the ship runs out of oxygen. I’ve been Napoleon just before a large battle, Alexander making promises to the Persians.
There might be something wrong with me.
One of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when I was alone at work for hours, very slow day. I started doing my best fake German Hitler impression and oh boy, the SS were seigin’ and heilin’. We were losing the war. Out of nowhere an old dude came walking out of the bathroom. He nodded at me with a look like he was embarrassed for my ancestors and descendants, I nodded at him with the reddest face on the planet. Took me months to get over that one. Fortunately he had an out of state tag and I haven’t seen him since. I hope I never see him again.
I can't remember what I said but whilst deep in conversation with myself early one morning on the way to work I made eye contact with a woman who was getting out of her car. I froze, her expression quickly changed to something I can only describe as an "I'm not getting raped today" face with a mixture of sheer terror and indignant anger, before she got back in her car and sped away. That one also shook me for a good few months, mostly due to her parting visage.
I find myself often coming out with "finger in the butt" or some variation (finger in your butt, finger up the butt etc) which is a bit weird as I'm English and don't use the word butt in normal conversation. Also, for some reason lately the "N" word in lots of permutations. It's not completely involuntary as I can control it when I need to but I'm not really consciously doing it when it happens either. Like you, friend, I think something may indeed be wrong with me and that it's time I have someone else check myself, before I wreck myself.
Well, hope you can afford private practice diagnosis, NHS wait lists for anything mental health related are absolutely insane these days. Unless you are English but live outside the UK, in which case I hope you're somewhere with a not intentionally broken health care system.
What is this in your world, like a Polish dog collar???
I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t a local. He was from the other side of the country. I guess I’m googling polish dog collar.
Edit:
Nope, don’t get it.
Just made it up. Like what would Hitler be euphemistically referring to as an “out-of-state tag”.
A swing. And a miss. On my part.
Good effort though. Fun fact, Germany itself has states, so you don't need to leave Germany to go to a different state.