I despise myself. I hate my laziness, entitlement, and lack of ability to work hard. But yet I know I have to tell myself I am enough. Because positive self talk does wonders and only with a positive view of myself will I be able to give positive things to the world. Yet I find it so difficult to praise and be proud of myself when I have so many flaws. It so hard to find a balance between self-love and being complacent, and I have’t figured out yet how to continue to push myself to be better everyday yet still be happy and proud of what I have already accomplished, because often it feels like I haven’t accomplished anything at all. You could say that I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself, yet I always feel like all that would result in is me continuing to be the lazy piece of shit which I hate, leading to more negative thoughts. It seems like a cycle of self-sabotage but I don’t know what to do about it.

This is 100% free, I will never ask you for money. I just completed my life coach training, and want to get some real experience, helping people reach their healthy goals.
We will connect by zoom at a mutually convenient time, preferably weekly. We will assess your situation, set some reachable goals, and track your progress.
I have previous training in psychology and hypnosis.
Please DM me and I will answer all your questions.

What does it really mean to strive for greatness? It's more than just setting goals and working hard to achieve them. It's about constantly pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones, learning from our mistakes, and never giving up on our dreams.

The path to greatness is not an easy one, and there will be obstacles and setbacks along the way. But it's important to remember that failure is not the end, but rather an opportunity to learn and grow. With every challenge we overcome, we become stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to achieve our goals.

Procrastination is a common topic even among High-Performers.
Procrastination is often connected to Overthinking, Stress, Fear of Failure or a Lack of Clarity about what you want.
 
This week I have some more time so I would like to give away some Coaching Calls for free. 
We’ll have 30 minutes and I want to make sure you’ll have a quick win during that time. 
 
I am a Psychologist and coached 400+ People.
Sign up for a free call here: https://calendly.com/marcosander/consultation
You can find my work here: https://www.youtube.com/c/MarcoSanderCoaching
 
Talk to you soon!
Marco

Balancing a full schedule isn't always easy. Full-time work, studies, hobbies, and leisure time - they all require thoughtful effort and execution. Unfortunately, a common pitfall is that we often overburden ourselves, leading to half-hearted efforts across the board.

One area where many of us go adrift is our to-do list. If your to-do list resembles more a 'wish list,' you might be making certain common mistakes. Here’s a detailed breakdown of five habitual errors and the corrective measures I implemented to turn my to-do list into a practical guide towards work-life balance.

1— Quantity Over Quality: A common trap is prioritizing the number of items on our to-do lists, sacrificing the quality of our efforts. I found focusing on fewer, but more meaningful tasks, significantly boosted my productivity and reduced burn-out.

2— Lack of Prioritization: Not all tasks are created equal. Developing a system for ranking tasks based on urgency and impact can greatly enhance our effectiveness. The Eisenhower Box is one method that worked for me.

3— Overlooking Breaks: Rest is not a luxury but a necessity. Including breaks in your schedule replenishes cognitive resources and aids productivity.

4— Lack of Flexibility: Some days won't go as planned. Having a list that can adapt to contingencies and unexpected events is essential.

5— Ignoring Task Dependencies: Some tasks are contingent on others. Understanding these dependencies and organizing your list accordingly can save time and reduce stress.

Work-life balance is a journey, not a destination. It entails continuous learning and adaptation. However, by correcting these mistakes, I've found my to-do lists have become less of a burden and more a practical guide to navigate effectively through varied commitments.

Implementing these changes won't overnight turn your to-do list into a magic wand. However, in my experience, these incremental, quality-focused changes can indeed make a big difference. I hope sharing my experience can aid others in managing their time and tasks more efficiently.

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In our journey towards self-betterment, consistency, and ultimate success, we often seek innovative methods to boost our disciplines. After spending significant time with software engineers and understanding their unique way of handling work, I have discovered a potentially transformative approach applicable to every other field — the principles of tech debt and maintenance costs.

Tech debt, in software engineering parlance, refers to the cumulative effect of shortcuts or expeditious solutions. These quick fixes eventually contribute to the overall complexity of the system, necessitating more dedicated efforts to resolve or refactor them down the line. Similarly, in our life, we often resort to quick fixes — procrastinating important tasks or cutting corners to achieve immediate results. However, like tech debt, these actions compound over time, burdening us with unresolved issues later.

Maintenance costs represent the resources required to optimize a system continuously. It parallels the continued efforts or practices we must sustain to stay in shape, maintain our GPA, or prevent our work projects from falling behind.

It's necessary to acknowledge these aspects in our life. Allowing tech debt or shortcuts to accumulate can lead to overwhelming problems in the future. Also, neglecting maintenance costs or consistent self-discipline could push us downhill faster than we can recover. By drawing lessons from the software engineering field, we can develop a perspective that aids in a disciplined approach towards our tasks.

We need to balance our short-term actions and long-term impacts astutely, continuously reflecting on the tech debts and maintenance costs of our decisions, actions, and habits. Through this disciplined approach, we can reduce feelings of overwhelming pressure, increase our productivity, and drive improvements in our personal and professional lives.

Remember, discipline is likely to be inconsistent at times, and it's perfectly okay. All we need is a systematic approach to manage these inconsistencies without allowing them to derail our ultimate purpose.

Avoid accruing tech debt and ensure consistent maintenance. Here's to a better disciplined and more productive life! I welcome your inputs and experiences in adopting this approach. After all, we're all in this journey together.

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Struggling to overcome the draw of procrastination and get down to work? We've all been there. It can be a formidable challenge to initiate tasks, even when we understand their importance. So, allow me to share a few strategies that have helped me to build a productive mindset.

1. Understand Your Why: Why are you doing what you're doing? Take time to reflect on this question. Whether it's to fulfill a personal goal, career ambition, or an externally imposed obligation, clarity of purpose can provide a powerful motivation to start working.

2. Time Blocking: Plan your activities in advance by assigning them to specific time blocks. This approach not only ensures your day is organized but also makes you realize the need to stick to your schedule, ultimately reducing procrastination chances.

3. Start Small: Overwhelming tasks often trigger procrastination. Start with small tasks that you can complete quickly; this will provide a sense of achievement to kickstart your momentum and motivation.

4. Limit Distractions: Maintain a clean, clutter-free workspace. Being mindful of potential distractions and actively minimizing them will help secure a focused working environment.

5. Adopt a Growth Mindset: Understand that progress and growth are usually accompanied by challenges and struggles, and that's okay! When faced with obstacles, view them as opportunities for learning and growth rather than deterrents.

Remember, these strategies are not a one-size-fits-all. Everyone operates differently, and what works for one might not work for another. But being aware of these techniques and trying them out can be the first step in developing your own arsenal of strategies to target procrastination.

So, go ahead. Try these out and start gaming your brain towards being productive today! Don't forget to share your progress and results in the comments. Inspire others with your journey and get inspired by theirs. After all, we're all in this together, striving to get disciplined in our own ways. Good luck, and get started!

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Are you feeling uninspired, lost, and dependent on food or shopping for fleeting moments of dopamine-induced contentment? If so, I have navigated through that path before, and here's my 3-strike method to regain passion and curb dopamine dependency.

1. Mindful consumption: We all resort to comforts like shopping and binge eating when we feel lost, but acknowledging this fact is the first step. Every time you reach for a cookie or feel the urge to buy a new item, pause and ask yourself: "Am I doing this to fill a void or cause I genuinely want to?" Over time, this mindful check-in can help you curb impulsive decisions.

2. Journaling: I can't stress the importance of this enough. Be it a physical diary or a digital note on your phone, pen down your thoughts whenever you feel overwhelmed. This acts as an emotional outlet and helps unravel your true feelings, your fears, and your aspirations.

3. Pick up a hobby: Rather than striving for instant gratification, focus on building a lifelong passion. Start with something small, a hobby you always wanted to try or a skill you wanted to learn. It may not make you happy instantly, but it will provide a lasting sense of achievement.

Remember, it's okay to feel lost. It's okay to stumble. But as long as you're willing to get back up, every mistake becomes a stepping stone towards a disciplined and passionate life. Let's start small, let's start today. Comment below your thoughts or tips to regain discipline in life!

The best tools, methods and resources I’ve found to use all your brain’s potential:

1. Memory Palaces

Memory is most powerful for visual & spatial information You basically visualize a place you know well, like your house, and then "place" new info in different rooms. So, when you need to recall it, you just take a mental walk through your palace. It's a bit of a grind to set up, but once it's there, it's like a superpower.

There aren’t a lot of apps or tools for this method, but you can start with a Youtube video called “5 Steps to Remember Things With a Memory Palace” and then the post "How to Build a Memory Palace” from Art of memory

2. Spaced Repetition Apps

It's like doing mental push-ups and you only need to allocate 5 minutes per day. These app keeps throwing and repeating info at you, but in a way that's optimized for long-term retention. I've been using Anki and Savealll, and they're pretty dope. Also, check the Youtube video “The Most Important Study Technique I Use as a Medical Student”

3. Mnemonics

These are your quick and dirty memory hacks. There are different types, but my go-to is making up acronyms for lists I need to remember. It's like creating mental shortcuts, and it's pretty fun once you get the hang of it.

4. Learning Resources, YouTubers and coaches

If you're really looking to level up, there's a ton of stuff out there. I've there is a free course in coursera called "Learning How to Learn." Also, YouTubers like Ali Abdaal and Justin Sung are dropping some serious knowledge bombs.

If you're into reading, the book "Make it Stick" is a game-changer. And If you prefer coaching apps you can try WaveAI.

If you got some other brain hacks, let me know!

For those of you who really want to get disciplined, test yourself to see how much of a man you are, and generally transcend yourself in order to take charge of your life, fasting one to three days per week, the entire day (a 36 hour fast) will be the very best thing that you ever do.

By cultivating this kind of discipline you will be unstoppable, especially compared to all the average people out there who can't go hours without eating. This sort of domination over one's body is very rare, but for those who can do it, it is the fountain of youth as well as a path to much deeper spirituality and sharpness of mind.

When you do not eat for 24 to 36 hours, the digestive system is able to do other functions such as its immune functions. While your body is resting from digestion, it starts to repair and clean itself in a process known as autophagy, or self eating. This will rejuvenate you beyond belief. I was personally stunned when I took up rigorous fasting (I eat nothing put pussy on M/W/F) when I observed my inflammation drop so low that my horrible arthritis pain just stopped. I almost could not believe it, but there I was with no more knee pain. Wow.

A high fat diet is best in combination with this as it will allow you to become what is known as fat adapted, where you have little hunger because your body easily switches to using the fat off your body to fuel itself.

The list of benefits from this type of rigorous eating and fasting program are way too numerous to list. But just believe me that you will be, feel, and look amazing. I recently set a PR in the one arm pushup with 30, and I am deep into middle age. I don't know many 30 year olds who can keep up with me on the courts or in the bed.

I just hacked together a dead simple app that has one function: it lets you input any "wins" you have from your day, and view them all in one place. That's it.

Here's a screenshot of the wins list, and another showing how to add a win.

For me, it's easy to forget (especially during rougher bouts of depression) that even the tiniest wins can build confidence and snowball into bigger accomplishments. I built this to give myself some extra motivation to find wins wherever I can (along with a tiny bit of instant gratification when I do something positive), and so that I can look back on my day and feel good about whatever I managed to get done.

If anyone else is interested in using it, let me know in the comments and I'll happily put it on the app store for free. It would also be great to know if there are other features for an app like this that you'd want included. I love hacking on side projects and really want to build something that might benefit even just one person beyond myself.

👋I used to be that person who set ambitious early-morning goals and meticulously planned my day ahead. Yet, when the alarm rang, I'd conjure up an impressive array of reasons to stay in bed, convincing myself that I was simply not cut out for early rising.

However, my demanding job, filled with late-night work sessions, left me drained, and devoid of personal time. If I couldn’t develop the habit of getting up early, reading books, and engaging in physical activities would all be impossible. struggling with low spirits.

I was so eager to develop the habit of getting up early that I read and learned so much about habit-building methodologies and principles. Naturally, I read the bestselling book on habit-building—Atomic Habits. I also read a lot of related articles, hoping to find good methods for habit formation. And I got the one that has changed my life totally! It’s 30 One-Sentence Stories From People Who Have Built Better Habits.

Even though I had heard of the 'Identity-based habits' methodology before, I couldn't truly grasp its core from the dry theory alone, nor did I know how to put it into practical action. However, from this article, after reading the stories of others who had successfully implemented this methodology to build habits, I suddenly understood the specific ways to apply this methodology into practice. The details are as follows.

🌟I created a virtual identity for myself as a disciplined early riser on social media. To my astonishment, this external persona became an invisible force, a wellspring of motivation that propelled me to wake up early consistently. For the past 21 days, I've been living up to this self-imposed image, cultivating the habit of early rising with unwavering dedication. It’s really full of achievement.

With the article, I unearthed the real stories of everyday folks, much like myself, who had orchestrated life-altering transformations by applying the principles of habit-building. Their achievements, vividly detailed in those stories, made the "building identity-based habits" method seem not only attainable but electrifying. Thanks for this article very much! I think if regular individuals like me can achieve remarkable transformations, you can make it too! 😉

Finally, I’d like to refer to this article (Just click and try to read) again, hoping it can change your life and help you successfully build habits. 💪

This has really helped to stop me using YouTube as a springboard for a procrastination session. I'm guessing this is a 'punishment' Google have added for not being able to record your history, but it's a pretty useful feature IMO!

After working closely with software engineers over the last year, I’ve come to learn they have a unique way of thinking about their work. They think about their time very carefully and make decisions with regard to two things we would all benefit from thinking more about: tech debt and maintenance costs.
Tech debt refers to shortcuts or quick solutions that build up in a software product over time. These shortcuts let engineers ship the product faster, but as the product evolves, they require more work to fix retroactively than it would have required to build correctly the first time.
Similarly, software engineers are careful about what they build because they’re the ones responsible for the maintenance. Shipping a cool new feature isn’t just about the time it takes to build it, but also the effort required to maintain and update the feature as the product continues to grow and evolve for years to come.
As products and systems expand over time, tech debt and maintenance obligations grow until engineers are focused on putting out fires and keeping the lights on instead of moving the product forward.
The linear world of zeroes and ones doesn’t seem comparable to the complexity of crafting a fulfilling life, but designing our lives is surprisingly similar to building software.
Taking shortcuts on the food we eat, the sleep we’re getting, the work we’re doing, or our relationships creates the real-life version of tech debt.
Eventually, the quick fixes catch up to us. We get sick or get into a big fight with our spouse and we’re forced to go back and fix the root of a problem that we should have addressed correctly from the start. We can ignore the debts we create in our own lives, but it has the same effect on our lives as it does with software: our performance will slowly degrade until we crash.
Similarly, if we’re not intentional about the pursuits and habits we choose to build into our lives, we’ll become overwhelmed with the responsibilities required to maintain them.
Every new friend, hobby, or project adds to the richness of our lives, but it comes at a cost. Marriage, kids, hobbies, passions, and friends are all lifelong pursuits that require an immense amount of work to support. There’s a constant temptation to add more and more to our lives to continue improving but the upkeep ends up overwhelming us.
Crafting our lives requires careful thought and we’re rewarded for measuring twice and cutting once.
Limiting new commitments today means we’ll always have the time and energy needed to invest in our existing pursuits and avoiding shortcuts now eliminates the possibility of everything grinding to a halt in the future.
Software engineers are precise and thoughtful for a reason. We should be too.

--

Adapted from Prompted, a newsletter delivering insights and prompts designed to help readers become a bit better each day.

The great frustration of the most impactful experiences like vacations, concerts, weddings, retreats, or even reading a powerful book is the impact quickly fades away.
When these paradigm-shifting moments occur it feels like our world is shifting onto a new axis and the insight or realizations we have are profound. It’s hard to believe we’ll ever be the same again.
But a few days later we’ve almost entirely forgotten the experience. We slowly slipped back into our old routines before we even noticed what happened.
We all have busy lives and without taking the time to intentionally reflect on the experiences, the positive effects don’t stand a chance of sticking around.
Pouring a bunch of salt into cold water will create a solution, but not all of the salt will dissolve. If we take the time to heat the water and stir it carefully as it’s heating up, all of the salt will be absorbed into the water.
The experiences we have in our own lives are no different. Significant events dump new insights, philosophies, and beliefs into our heads. Unless we take the time to carefully reflect and examine these new ideas as soon as we get back to our normal day-to-day, we’ll never be able to absorb them.
If these new beliefs or priorities are as profound as they seem, we need to take the time necessary to integrate them into our lives so they’re not filtered out when our real life resumes again.
To do this, we need to understand the insights and change our behavior.
If we go on vacation and come back with a profound sense of peace and calm that we’ve never felt before, we need to figure out why we felt that way before changing our behavior to integrate that feeling into our day-to-day lives.
Figuring out what makes us feel a certain way and why requires a significant investment in reflecting on the experience and ourselves. The best way to understand everything going on beneath the surface is cracking open a new journal and putting pen to paper.
Only after we understand the experience and why it had a profound impact can we begin the process of applying the learnings to our everyday lives.
Understanding these experiences and distilling the learnings are incredibly difficult, but the hardest part of this process is changing our existing routine.
Our lives are a fully saturated solution. If we try to add something new it will settle at the bottom of the container instead of dissolving. Successfully adding something new to the mixture requires removing something else.
It seems like improvement and success comes from expanding our capacity to do more. While we can increase our capacity, we can’t expand it far enough to achieve the lifestyle we want.
The sustainable and effective path to growth is living a life filled with worthwhile experiences, processing the learnings, removing the things that no longer serve us, and replacing them with something better.
We don’t need to do more to be better, we need to evolve our routines.

--

Adapted from Prompted, a newsletter delivering insights and prompts designed to help readers become a bit better each day.

Okay so when I say 'you', I'm actually referring to myself. I'm not sure if I'm addicted, but i certainly spend too much time gaming

Here is my theory

The interesting thing I notice most about gaming is that whatever game I play, the character i create ends up becoming highly reputable, rich, looks awesome and builds communities

For example...i used to play World of Warcraft like crazy, many years ago now. I was an undead rogue with an engineer skill, and i would build mounts (mechanohogs for any WOW nerds) and sell those, very lucrative

I would also make trinkets and weapons for PvP sessions, then i made my own PVP guild and sold those items to my guild members, i became in-game...super super rich

I used to play runescape too, for that...i was a free player (no paid subscription for benefits), and i got my mining skill to about 90 and would mine coal like crazy, then i would hire other people to mine coal for me so i could sell to other people (this was before the auction house existed, again for any runescape nerds) very lucrative, also harvesting yew trees was big back then...more money etc. I created a group of people and we literally operated as a business and would sell to runescape members who had the money to pay for high volume recourses

These are just two examples, across all games i have played...it sounds like this

The point I'm trying to make..

In retrospect, I notice that the things I'm achieving in game are at a high level...exactly what i want to achieve in real life

My characters become rich, look cool, have the good stuff, lead 'guilds' which maybe you can imagine as 'companies' or 'businesses'

I would put crazy amounts of hours in to these things and each day would be like adding a brick to the wall of success, but most days I would be SO motivated, it's like i would add an entire row of bricks

Motivation comes SO easy in that scenario, i would wake up and think 'today I'm going to do this' and feel hyped

What I realised

And this is where the penny dropped for me..

I'm simulating the practise and vision of my success - I am literally, and figuratively, simulating the actions I need to do, the effort I need to produce, the hours i need to put in and the determination i need to have... in to a game, rather than my own life

If i were to take those same qualities and utilise them in real life, i'd be on the road to owning those rewards...but for real!

But in fact all i have done...is allow my mind to think in the same way it would have to, if it were in the real world. I've been simulating my success for rewards that are for my in game character and not for real life me

​

Recently i played this game called 7 days to die, it's a really cool zombie survival game and...surprise, you have a chance to make money on it

You can create vending machines and place them around the map, in good locations with high player throughput

So what did i do? I spent hours exploring the map, finding best loot locations, finding best vending machine locations (usually close to the in game traders) and creating a network of vending machines around the map, i would place appropriate items to the appropriate level of players in the game per region

For anyone who plays the game...every 7th day there's a big zombie attack and people build what's known as a 'horde base' to protect against it, so i would build a vending machine close to that with guns/health/ammo/buffs etc...or just host all that in my own base etc, again..an example of identifying and then making the most of a virtual and simulated profiteering opportunity..

Again...I'm just simulating the successful thought patterns I need to use in real life, but in game

In Conclusion

And this is why I think gaming is addicting, at least for me

The mind patterns and practises i'm using in game are the SAME that i want to do in life. In game. of course when in game, it's all so much easier to do

Some people say that people distract themselves from real life with gaming, and i think that is true, but i think it's deeper than that

People distract themselves...but STILL utilise the same skillset they need (making money, levelling up, developing etc) in a much easier simulated environment - this is the danger

The mind is still satisfied that it's doing the things it wants to do, whether it's in a virtual world or not

​

I do believe gaming has benefited me, in these kinds of 'make money' thought patterns especially, but imagine what I could do if I turned the tables, imagine if I took all of that 'simulated' knowledge and deployed that to my real life - which I have started, but it's a smaller chunk than the gaming at the moment

I felt a real penny drop moment when i realised this, I'm simulating my own success, I'm simulating the skills i need, it's all...practise, and yet paralysis by simulation almost

For anyone else out there who has troubles with gaming, especially those who have this 'energy' to build a character and get them crazy rich and have all the best stuff...this may be the answer for you too?

Regardless, I hope this can help in some way

My task list was a ‘wish list’ that always overwhelmed it. Here are 5 mistakes I was making but not anymore.

If you ever felt overwhelmed with your to-do list or found that it's not really helping you move in the right direction, you might be making a few common mistakes that i used to make too.

Here are those 5 mistakes you might be making too and what you can do about each one

1— Quantity over quality.
Focusing too much on the number of items rather than the quality of each to-do

❌ If you are simply writing down every single task that’ll fill your day you’re doing a “brain dump.” ✅ Choose tasks that will help you make progress on your projects.

2— Tasks are not prioritized.
Don't assume all tasks have equal importance. Sort your tasks so that you get the most important task done before anything derails your day.

3— Your task list is too long.
It's a surefire way to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and even anxious. There's only a finite amount of time in the day. A good rule of thumb is to stick to three to-do list items — five if you’re pushing it. I use Sunsama to keep my tasks aligned with how many hours I want to work in a day.

4— You aren’t using your to-do list to reflect.
Write a list of what you managed to finish in a day. Better if you write beside what you intended to do as a way to get perspective on how you’re using your time and what you’re capable of on a daily basis.

5— You aren’t using a to-do list system
This means using specific criteria to prioritize each task a certain way, or it can be a system that separates marker and manager tasks. Pick a system that helps you create a calm & focused day.

Note these 3 non-negotiable elements of a to-do list:
✅ Clarity on what you’ll be spending your time on that day

✅ There's no doubt what are the top three most important items on your list

✅ List is prioritized in a way that gets you closer to your goals
What's the one mistake you think you're making with your to-do list?

Hey

It is a YouTube browser extension that enhances productivity by customizing pages, eliminating distractions, and automating tasks. It already offers over 200 customization options and features, including password protection, scheduled blocking, and more.

It is available on Safari for all Apple devices (iPhone, iPad, Mac) and it is also compatible with all Chromium browsers (Chrome, Brave, Opera...).

You can check it here https://untrap.app

I am a strong and disciplined person. I put in the effort to make sure my future is better. I’m fat so I’m working out. I have acne so I’m doing skincare. There are other areas in my life, such as college and my hobbies, where I’m also putting in the time and energy in improving and learning.

But I’m focused right now on my physical appearance because it is something I am insecure about. For almost a year now I have been in the gym consistently 4-5 times a week. I’ve begun doing a skincare routine for 4 months. And I know it’s going to take time to look the way I want to look, so I am willing to invest in all of that even if it might take me long.

The issue now is finding self-acceptance. I hate how I look. I look ugly. I look like someone you don’t want to spend time with. Someone told me “if you don’t like the way your life is right now then do something about it” and that motivates me everyday. I work so hard for myself and I try to love myself, and I do love myself. But it hurts me when I look in the mirror and I see that I have acne and that I’m fat. Although there has been improvement, I still have acne and I’m fat.

I want it so bad. I want to improve my appearance. I was handsome before. And how I look now is NEVER going to stop me from working towards my goals. It’s the self-loathing, it’s the understanding that because I am not the way I want to look right now then I am not worthy of anybody’s time and attention.

I wear a hoodie every time I go outside because I feel ugly. I don’t approach anyone or make any friends because I look like I’m lame. Appearance matters a lot in this world and I am not going to beg and put effort in trying to get other people to give me a chance in getting to know me behind my looks.

I’m so aware that I look unattractive and boring. All the nice clothes I have are wasted on me because my face isn’t how I want it to be.

How can I accept me if I am not yet the man I am working to become? I am patient, but it hurts when it hurts. (Not everything is about looks, I know, but the man I want to become are both the positive traits I desire to have and looks).

I try to love myself and some days it’s really easy, but the insecurity about the way I look is still there. I want to be myself unapologetically. I want to be proud and to show my face with no shame.

I don’t want to reject myself because of my looks, but I’ve been doing that even when I didn't want to.

How can I not let my insecurities get under my skin?

I created this playlist to ease my way into it. It instantly sets the mood and doesn't distract while doing so. Just a thought :) I initially created it for reading but works with studying and work just as well https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5NS04pw8b09XWJBAcM6eor

On average, it takes 66 days for a new behavior to be automatic.

After that, your new habit will be part of your identity—you won't be able to quit it.

But during the first 2 months, it's easy to abandon it.

To overcome the brittle building phase, apply these 5 strategies:

1. Start small

• Every effort we achieve consumes a bit of our finite willpower—habits are no exception. *
• The less motivation needed, the more likely you are to perform a task. *
• Set aside your long-term goals and start with very small daily wins:
• Do 10 pushups
• Read 3 pages
• Learn 2 foreign words
• “Make it so easy you can't say no”—Leo Babauta

2. Don't break the chain

• Missing a day (aka breaking the chain) delays the creation of lasting habits.
• Repetition is the key to forming automated behaviors.
• Even when life gets busy, try to get things done
• Do only 20% of what you regularly do.

3. Define the goal

• A common mistake is to give up too early because you're not seeing results, yet.
• Reading 10 minutes a day doesn't seem much.
• But if you read consistently, you'll finish 12 books a year.
• When you pick up a new habit, write down your goal.
• When you feel hesitant, read it.

4. Schedule a time with your habits

• It's tempting to complete your habits when you have time.
• But it's easy to get carried away with other tasks.
• Add a slot to your calendar to complete your habits and show up on time.
• Doing them early in the morning, before life kicks in, is effective.

5. Track your progress

• Doing the same thing over and over without seeing great results (at first) can be deceptive.
• Tracking your habits solves this:
• It helps you visualize your progress since you started
• It makes you feel good instantly when ticking the box!
• There are tons of free habits trackers, you can also do it with pen and paper.

Final thoughts

You don't need to work hard, just show up every day. When your habits become part of your identity, the opposite effect happens: Not completing them becomes hard.

So here's me: Up until a week ago, I was really into self-improvement, like REALLY into it. You can even say I was obsessed. You can think of something, I did it. How to pick up women/day game/charisma/cold approach, Worked out every day, did tricking/parkour, finished Can't Hurt Me in a day, learned two hard piano songs with by myself with no piano background, and I when I did scroll, it was all Redpill-looksmax-Andrew Tate-Sneako-Goggins. I am Christian and I even put it above maybe even my morals unknowingly. I believe it all stemmed from insecurity and grudges and vengeful mindset, since growing up I was a people pleaser and said yes to everything, kind of like the "nice guy". I wanted to prove everyone wrong and have them "Flex that they knew me" or "Theyd regret how they treated me". I'd have to say it did work and I accomplished a lot, but I still felt broken and it seemed to never end, always wanting more. I was mad all the time and it was straining my relationships. Then I came across this life changing tik tok post about a guy explaining that well the "nice guy" and the "badass bad boy" will ultimately lead to a dead end (ill link it it as it changed my life), as they both stem from insecurity, and that we have to come from a healed standpoint, being thankful for what we got while striving for more.
Fast forward I am feeling like a better person, but now I don't seem to improve. I haven't been working out at all now and I don't feel any drive or motivation or desire to chase goals or learn money or anything and I'm very afraid. On and on this goes like that one quote: “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times."
It seems to never end and judging from the pattern ill probably come back to that narcissistic "bad boy".
Has anyone found balance? if so how?
Thank you to any responses.

Hey everyone,

I recently finished reading the ever popular Atomic Habits and I can say that it has definitely changed my mindset, my perception of goals, my everyday habits.

Goals are useful for charting a course, but systems are the most effective in moving forward. When you spend too much time thinking about your goals and not enough time creating your systems, you'll run into a few issues. The antidote is a systems-first mentality. When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don’t have to wait to permit yourself to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running.

My 3 major takeaways from this book are:

An atomic habit is a regular practice or routine that is small and easy to do and is also the source of incredible power; a component of the system of compound growth.

Bad habits repeat themselves again and again not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change.

Changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.

Highly recommended to understand the science behind habit building and practically implement those baby steps to build or break a habit!

We tend to think of productivity as simply getting more things done. While this might make sense initially, the reality is that we need to get better sense of what we need to give our attention to, not necessarily our time. This comes in handy especially if you often have an overwhelming to-do list.

The Commitment Inventory is an exceptional step by step technique that involves building a to-do list, assigning percentages of attention to items and subsequently trimming the list. I break it down in full right here in case you’d like to know more for yourself - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DklGF4CqrqI
Hope this helps and gives your productivity the boost that it might need.

i don’t know if it really counts as an addiction, because it’s not drugs or anything, but i spend way too much time on my phone/social media. mainly discord. i don’t want to get rid of it completely because I’ve made friends, but i don’t want to have urges constantly to get on like i do now. everytime I do something else it just feels like I’m forcing myself so I don’t check disc and it’s not fun nor rewarding. it feels hopeless. I’ve watched so many videos, so many “how to get rid of social media addiction” posts, but nothing ever works. i mean, it just gives us no brainer “tips” that a five year old could’ve come up with (no offense to them, it’s just frustrating). the urges win, no matter how hard I try, and it feels so hopeless.