Grogon

I was trying to Lucid Dream a few years ago and forgot about this topic and the last days I have been trying to provoke it.

I also work nightshift only since a few years and quit using it because I never had issues sleeping after work but now I threw in 3 mg of Melatonin and what else can I say other than I had the most lucid dream ever in my life.

It felt so real. Normally I get scared after looking into the mirror of my bathroom because it was pitch black and had no reflection. Numbers never made sense either. So while I knew all that I ran to the bathroom and looked into the mirror knowing it won't show reflections and started laughing "It worked".

It's a funny subject to me because everytime I watched the youtube videos and read on the internet I was like "weirdos" and now I can't wait to go back to sleep tomorrow night.

I have a feeling though it was a one time experience. Especially if I don't use melatonin.

Anyone else have had lucid dreams? Perhaps someone doing it daily?

Hey guys, I moved away from home and I miss it every day.

Is anyone in the same position or had the same experience and what helped? Now that we bought the house and have a debt I can't easily get back to where I came from in the near future. Lucky enough though it's only a 8 minute drive (the town I use to live in is about 5 miles away from where I live now).

I think a big part of my thoughts circling is that I grew up in the other town and know all the people and in the town I now live in I barely know anyone... I can't explain they aren't unfriendly, infact most are welcoming and friendly, but have different interests than I do.

My old town had a nice lake that was a 5 minute walk. Now I can't even walk to the lake anymore and even by bike it is about 30 minutes away.

I don't know where to post this but I just want to get this off my head so just ignore if not interested, kind of all feelings I just felt in a 10 minute time frame out in the wild:

As I walked home two hours ago I passed by a student party. The air was thick with a youthful energy that I recognized all too well—a buzz that seemed to capture both the excitement and uncertainty of those nights where anything felt possible. I know that at 31, I’m still young, but in a different way—a way that carries the weight of experience and the quiet wisdom that only comes from living through those wild, uncharted years.

From the speakers, the unmistakable opening chords of "Blink 182 - First Date" filled the night air. I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes, and in an instant, I was 19 again. I was back at those hazy, crowded parties, standing nervously by the bar, a little tipsy, trying to work up the courage to talk to someone. Back then, life felt like a series of endless possibilities, each one as intoxicating as the drinks in our hands. I didn’t know where I was headed, and honestly, I didn’t care. The future was a distant thought, overshadowed by the thrill of the present moment.

Then, as if the universe was in on the nostalgia, "Sum 41 - In Too Deep" came on.

I stood there, lost in the music, feeling like I was 19 all over again, but this time with the knowledge and perspective that come with being 31. I remembered the sting of those awkward moments, the times I fumbled for the right words and ended up with nothing but a smile and a kind rejection. But I also remembered the highs—like that one night when, after what felt like an eternity of nervous anticipation, I finally had my first kiss, and it happened to this very song. That kiss, clumsy and sweet, would turn out to be with the woman who is now my wife. Back then, I never could have imagined that the girl I was so nervous to talk to would one day be the person I’d spend my life with.

What can I say? Those were truly unforgettable times. As the memories washed over me, I slowly continued on my way, but I couldn’t resist one last glance back at the party, my ears still tuned to the music. "The Offspring - The Kids Aren’t Alright" was playing now, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was almost as if time had stood still in that moment, even though everything else had changed.

But as I walked away, I also couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. In those years since, I’ve lost three of my closest friends—one to cancer, another in a car accident, and one to a pulmonary embolism. They were the friends who danced with me to these very songs, who shared in those wild, carefree nights. Their absence makes those memories even more precious, and bittersweet.

Yet, as much as I cherish those memories, I know those days are behind me. They belong to a chapter of my life that’s closed, but not forgotten—especially not when the love that began in those moments is still with me today, and the memories of those we lost continue to live on in my heart.

It's weird because I feel like I will never get the time back. The time between being 16 and about 22. I know I have a lot coming at me in my next years but I know that a lot of it isn't going to be what "was". It's going to be a different great but different ride. With that being said I am in for it but I also would like to experience the other ride one last time, but I can't. I slowl moved on and away from the music and the teens partying because let's be honest. 31 is young but not "22" young where you could just "join the party".

Festivals have also changed. Going to festivals at age 20 was bringing 1000 beer cans and cheap food. Atleast here in Germany. Now it is 75% a kindergarden and all are "normal" people at our camp ground. It's fun but not what it was like at 20. Now we have kids jumping around. Heck, we are going to Summer Breeze and we have an own fridge for baby food... Unthinkable 10 years ago because all the moms and dads at our camping spot were drunk party animals ten years ago. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad they aren't drunk party animals them being parents now. But this is what I mean with "different ride". We share the stories years ago but we won't relive them anytime soon.

A friend for example has "baby time" during Heaven Shall Burn this year. I don't have kids but if I do I know that "ride" is gonna be special because well having a baby brings responsibilities and it might be fun taking care of "your baby". But it's a different fun.

So my last TV I bought I pretty much woke up, drank a coffee, walked to the tech store that isn't around anymore and got pretty much what I needed and went home happy and had a TV.

Either it is me in general but I hate having to upgrade tech nowadays. Even if it is just a friggin' smart phone I tend to go to deep into the subject and go through points I shouldnt care about because I'm not the target audience.

Like I don't care how great the cameras are now on phones. Yet when I have to upgrade duo to missing upgrades after 5 years I upgrade and then I read through all that non sense just to get the best out of the money I'll be dumping for features I won't ever use.

Ill compare Samsung S23, S23+ and Ultra and what ever and then read comments about how bad X is and company Y does better for the money and then it's to late.

Then I dump 12 hours into researching on youtube, trying to filter the company fanboys and the real talk people just to find out they are all "bought" and only 5% of the reviews aren't bought.

Now I am sitting here wanting to upgrade my 2011 TV and have to choose between LG G4, Samsung S90D, S94D, S95D and every single one of these tvs has negatives and pros and I am lost.

Might not just buy a tv and go drink coffee and play computer.

I personally would have went with the S95D from Samsung because I personally like matte screens more but funny enough most reviews critics are because it is a matte display and not glossy lol. I have huge windows behind my sofa and thought it might be cool but now I am not sure anymore duo to almost everyone saying how bad matte screens are for OLED TVs.

The dude in the shop said I should go with the S95D because it is cool if I have a lot of light sources and yes it has it's downsides because of the matte screen really bright scenes can create a "white cone" around the edge duo to matte screening but he also said it's something you won't notice or pay attention too when using it. I am not comparing G4, S90D and that TV when watching a movie.

I also don't watch a lot of TV at daylight but when I do I know reflections are annoying. And I also saw that the S95D performs great in the dark as well against other glossy OLED TVs even if it has a matte screen.

This again is probably a subject I shouldn't care about. It's like my TV right now is just displaying grey instead of black and I lived with it 12 years (happy). Either TV will be a huge upgrade for me. I could just save my time and buy the tv and be happy but no, I am here researching way to long for a friggin' TV. I am so deep in the TV subject now that I even know the S90D Series has a Panel Lottery because some TVs have OLEDs and some have QD OLEDS panels... like... honestly, if no one told me I would have been happy without QD panel and wouldn't have known but now that I know.... dunno not gonna buy.

I am currently in a really awkward situation. My mother doesn't like my brother but visits him once a week to take care of his child.

But I know they talk trash behind her back and she talks trash behind their back. Both I don't want to be part of and I distance my self from both sides in that case... I have a feeling it is more of my brothers wife that is causing the drama because she is bringing weird stuff up to my wife about me but I don't care.

Either way... I don't want to go deep into that issue because it isn't my issue.

My mother is living in a house and she doesn't want my brother to get anything because I do most of the work. I drive her around, help in the yard,, I help her with her mother (my grandma), I generally have a good relationship with her.

My brother is complete opposite. His wife said they would never want the house because it is in a small town and they like the city more. Now suprise, they are looking for a house but currently unaffordable and they are joking about my house in a small town next to a loud church.

Now that my mother is living in a huge house alone they sometimes say things like: "I wish we had a house for our family": "A house would be so good"- "but not a house next to a church"... etc. so kind of like they are expecting my mother to say "Here are the keys, move in".

I have a decent relationship with my brother and his wife, not awesome but not bad. If he wasn't my brother I wouldn't have anything to do with him though.

Either way I am repairing most of my mothers house, redoing a lot of stuff so my mom can live in a "nice" house with new tiles, walls,... and our wish was to live in that house one day too - basically sell the house that we currently live in that is next to the church lol.

My mother won't talk with him and she said I will get the house and it's already on paper (notary) too but in my country we have a forced 25% inherit. I would have to pay him 25% of the house and thats not really the issue. My problem is he isn't doing anything for my mom and in general it is a totally weird situation because they are both speculating on moving into the house one day (kind of) or using that money from selling the house to buy a new one.

It's like I already know they are getting 25% because of how they are treating our mom (ignoring her, not visiting with the grandson and not calling, not asking if everything is okay etc.) but I feel like I would be happy with 50/50 one day. But from my moms view ven 75/25 is horrible, she'd go full 100% on me.

Edit: I hope it is clear that I don't have an issue with my brother but I feel the inherit of 25% that I already know he will be getting will cause conflict. I didn't choose it and I told my mom to talk with them but she only says: "Normally you don't have to tell your son to visit with grandson if they are only 20 minutes drive away". I mean she isn't wrong though but somehow this is gonna be a conflict one day. The last thing she said was: "I won't talk with him and you are getting the house, 75% of everything I own and he is getting the forced inherit of the law and if you want to give him 50/50 to avoid conflict - I am not here I don't care do whatever you want and give him more money or half the house"

Now just observing of what he is doing for my mother and how inherit should function I do think he doesn't deserve anything. But I mean come on isn't that unfair? On the other side I am sacrificing my free time repairing her house and replacing old stuff with new stuff she is buying (tiles, floor, furniture,...) and he isnt helping at all.

I don't know how to explain this but now that my house is "done", my wedding is over I am just bored.

Before that I was in stress and always wanted to give up. But now I am staring at a wall with coffee in my hand and playing video games waiting for the next vacation somewhere.

Is this normal?

I had to take down my old post. I got a few messages since then how it is now that it's "done".

I am not completly done, in winter I will install the backwall of the kitchen about 30-35 cm high against the wall with the same material my kitchen counter is. Or I will use tiles to spice it up, but haven't decided what colors would fit or if I will just stick with the kitchen counter as background.

I know it will get dirty, especially with the coffee machine near the wall but thats a winter project for me.

So here is the endresult with the open wood ceiling.

Edit: Oh and one shelf on top is missing that will be installed in 5 weeks though, will just fix the symmetry

Ich habe einen Vinylboden von Coretec auf einer Dampfbremse verlegt und jetzt ist da eine Stelle, vermutlich nicht richtig eingeclipst, die lässt sich rein drücken...

Muss ich nun den gesamten Bodenbelag nacheinander rausnehmen und da wieder ordentlich rein klippen oder gibts da ein "Hack"?

Es ist nur eine Stelle zwischen zwei Dielen, aber mitten im Raum und erst nach einer Woche aufgefallen.

Hab mal eine Aufnahme hinzugefügt unten... man sieht es leider nicht so gut, aber es lässt sich leicht rein drücken und knackst etwas.

Hey I know this is obvious but I didn't think I'd ever look much different ever because from 20 to 25 I still looked the same. I was skinny, no fat and weirdly I looked unhealthy compared to now because I am a bit "rounder" now in my face.

I am only 31 years old so I guess I should do some sport but man people don't take how you look for granted and let yourself go. I am no where near overweight, healthy 76 kg at 176 cm but I am sure my bodyfat % might be a bit to high and it is crazy how much impact it has on ones face.

Honestly I feel completly burnt out. I love my job, it's actually a place where I can relax.

Currently building a house with my soon wife and we are doing so much on our own. Currently painting and laying the floor and in two weeks we are planning on moving in.

On top of that we have a "big" wedding on the 19th July (small with family) and 20th July (family and friends) at a different location and so much organising going on. Heck, I am talking about stuff I never thought we ever needed and needs to be done because I just take it for granted if I go to weddings but every detail is so much work. From name cards, where to seat family/ friends, drinks, speech organising, food, cakes,... the list goes on.

It was never planned that house construction and wedding will be in the same year but our company took forever to start the house (november 2023) and now we are in our final steps of the house (finally!) and I am so exhausted.

Today in one month I think I am going to feel very good. Wedding is over, we eventually live in the new house and I can focus on my hobbies again.

Id do it like this but two people told me other way... Not sure?

I don't have many examples, but to bring one or two up one was my scuba diving course in Thailand.

The dive instructor showed everything and we copied him in a pool. And everytime we had to do all the things I just looked bad.

Another example was climbing. They show how to tie the knot to harness, everyone successfully manages to tie the knot and I am standing their like an idi**.

The thing is what I observed is that if I have time to do things on my own and no pressure I seem to do "okay" and once I can do it I do it blind.

Anyone else experience this? What can I do? I am at a point I am afraid to learn new things because of failing infront of others.