Homestuck

We are Clubs Deuce, despite the request of the audience. Deuce seems like a nice little fella. He doesn't seem to want to actually harm any or anything. But he is a member of the notoriously violent midnight crew. He is currently searching through his Battledrobe for his back-up hat. Meanwhile one of his targets Doze(2) is escaping very slowly. His Battledrobe is full of bombs, playing cards, and a cane. Deuce doesn’t remember what his cards actually are. Some items he finds are 2 black liquorice gummy bears, a questionable black liquorice magazine, some C4. Eventually he finds his hat.

We now meet Diamonds Droogs, he’s tall and a bit lanky, currently he is wearing what was Itchy’s hat. He’s standing in a room in front of a river of blood. Like the others he has weapons, 1 pool cue, 2 guns (I can't identify guns), and 2 cards. Droog’s deck is a Brawlsoleum, a mausoleum. Droogs cares about how he looks, he has many back-up hats, and full suites in his Brawlsoleum, also a bunch more guns. He also keeps his black licorice fish in his back-up hats. He claims this was his idea and the other had to learn the hard way.

Droogs get punched from the future. He knows this is Trace(3). Trace(3) can see the time trials that people leave behind. But Droogs points out that this means that he now knows where Trace(3) will be. He calls Deuce and tells him where to be and when. We could see from a flash forward that the Deuce got the message. In the meantime Droogs follow the blood trail up stairs.

Deuce has re-captured Doze(2) using a stretch armstrong. He then attempts to load Doze(2) and all his other junk into his Battledrobe. He realises at this point that his cane is actually a Bull Penis Cane and flips out. We are back to Spades Slick. It seems Die(6) appeared from a parallel dimension. Itchy had cheated in a game of cards and Die(6) wanted to see him dead. Though now he’s in front of Spades. This results in his head getting clubbed by a horse hitch. He manages to escape into another dimension.

With the other members of the midnight crew being distracting we go to Hearts Boxcar. Hearts are big guys. The only time I've attempted cos play was this character because I am also a big guy. He’s got a tv antenna, a big axe, and a morningstar. Hearts has made it to the safe. His usual method of safe cracking is to just rip the door off with his bare hands. But this one is too big.

Hearts stores his stuff in a Wrathtub, a bathtub. Oddly the tub's ripped from its foundation and just looks a bit like John’s after Rose ripped it out. The tub's filled with giant medieval weapons, a magazine, his walkie-talkie and playing cards. Unlike the others, Hearts prefer wax lips over black licorice. He has a bit of a thing for red cheeks.