Loud + no smell is funny
Silent + rank can ruin lifelong friendships
this post was submitted on 10 Sep 2023
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rank silent farts are great, especially if you are in a vehicle and control the windows.
Hit your friends with a "Hey, does it smell like popcorn in here?" for maximum effectiveness
there's an old joke about this:
man goes to doctor saying "I keep farting, doc; my farts aren't smelly and luckily they are also silent but I am worried because I fart all day long. Even now, as I was talking to you, I kept farting the whole time".
"I see", says the doctor. "I will prescribe you this pill, to be taken twice a day for a week".
"And will that help with the farting?"
"No, but it should help you with your sense of smell. Then come to see me after one week and we'll try to fix your hearing"
Pro tip for less stinky farts: shit as soon as you wake in the morning so you're not carrying bowels full of shit all day pushing fart gas through it.
Additional benefits include not having spontaneous emergency "oh Lord" moments of needing to find a toilet asap so as to not shit your pants.
The only way I can somewhat guarantee a morning dump is coffee. Are there other ideas?
Don't force it. Some people's "regular" is every couple+ days. I know a guy who goes after every meal. The food you eat helps of course, and stay hydrated.
You should really be going everyday, if you arenβt eat more fiber. Brown rice or quinoa are goated for easy fiber. I personally do a mix of quinoa, white rice, and brown rice that suits my tastes and needs. And if that doesnβt fix it then yeah you might be an odd one
Diet has a huge impact on bowel habits. I go about once every two days since doing keto carnivore.
When I used to eat burritos and pizza it was multiple times per day.
Unless it's causing a lifestyle issue, just eat to your health plan and don't worry about it.
Fwiw I still carry antidiarrheal pills with me, just in case, too many near misses from the burrito days
Exercise can help start the bowels moving. It'll help with flow. If you work out in the morning you're more likely to have a satisfying movement.
keto carnivore
Is that the same thing as carnivore?
More or less yes. But just emphasizing the focus is carbohydrates. And eating too much meat in a day can take you out of ketosis, so I'm mindful of that as well. But it's hard to do
Some milk is an issue, cuz it has a lot of carbohydrates. And depending on people's carnivore diet milk might work.
Fair enough. Do you dump the benefit of being fully fed, or add other keto food in place?
I do zerocarb, which is pretty much carnivore, often eating nothing but steak for a week running, and have done keto in the past. My favourite thing about zerocarb is being always well fed, which makes it easy compared to starving on keto due to difficulty meetings macros
I'm fully fed. I never go hungry. But if somebody put some vegetables on my plate, I'll eat them. I'm not ordering them. My housekeeper has a habit of putting broccoli on my plate. I do add green onions and jalapenos to lots of dishes.
I think it'd be really hard to do vegetarian keto. You need supplements.
I eat a fish a day, bit of beef liver, and then some other protein until I'm full, eggs, chicken, something like that. I eat till I'm full.
The human body is supposed to naturally initiate a bowel movement first thing after waking, but sometimes we find it inconvenient and disrupt that timing. Coffee can help re-train it when it gets messed up.. or when you're time constrained in the morning.
I have a job where I can flex poop in the morning, so without caffeine it may happen immediately, and sometimes it may take 30 minutes. Food also stimulates it in the morning.
Metamucil for regularity
A good curry the night before usually guarantees at least two.
I don't have a choice in that, as soon as I wake up a countdown starts and I better start legging it to the toilet.
Always a good idea before a day of traveling. Nothing worse than stress-poops when you're in an unfamiliar place, with time constraints.
Rank farts by far. One time I was at a crowded bar with music playing. When suddenly a whole section of people suddenly started smelling the rankest fart to the point that people were pissed and leaving to go outside. A literal room clearing fart that lingered in a crowded place. That situation wouldn't happen with a loud fart.
One of my classmates back in school regularly let out the most rancid farts I've ever smelled. Everytime, the class was unable to continue for a good ten minutes until the air was breathable again, after opening all the windows and the door
It depends on if you are the giver or the receiver.
Like all great comedy it is about location and timing.
So somewhere you can trap a fart? Great for a stinker, perhaps get one caught behind the door of a supermarket chiller cabinet. My brother used to "cup" people by farting in a suitable receptacle and sneaking up behind them and jamming it under their nose. He still might, although I suspect his wife has probably had words about setting a bad example for the kids.
If you are amongst family or friends then a real ripper seems the correct choice. Everyone can give it a heart cheer but you are also setting a bar that you are challenging other people to beat.
Iβd take a false alarm over a sneak attack.
Rank, because it means thereβs shit mixed in it. Loud without smell is mostly just gas.
The third option: thinking it's a fart and instead you shit yourself
Rank for sure. Loud farts are funny. Rank are disturbing.
Sending: Loud.
Receiving: Smelly.
I would 100% prefer loud in both scenarios. Why would you want to smell shit?
Oh relax, no one really minds their own brand that much.
"My brand!"
Depends on if you're withdrawing or depositing
That depends, whether I'm the giver or the receiver... π¨
Why does it depend? Why would you not prefer to give and receive the same way?
It depends whether I'm wearing Depends or not, duh.
Depends on if it's a competition or not
You forgot wet
serious answer: it depends on your definition of "worse". There's some study linking smelling farts (and specifically the component that makes them rank) to health benefits: https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/jul/14/silent-not-deadly-how-farts-cure-diseases