this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
123 points (96.9% liked)

Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 113 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Damn girl you shit with that ass?"

Has to be up there

[–] hutchmcnugget 68 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Are you from Mississippi? Because you're the only Miss whose piss I'd like to sippee.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

congratulations. i thought that the comment above yours was the worst but you beat it by a mile.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

I don't even know what to say. You win?

[–] ZagamTheVile 69 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not a pick up line but- "I don’t think I can do better than you and I know you can't do better than me, so I guess we should just get married." She sighed and said "yeah, you're probably right".

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I dont wanna shit on you, but the "I cant do better than you" is sweet and I used it with my BF, but the "You can't do better than me" is many times used by abusive partners as a way to diminish their self-esteem and make sure that they dont leave them, because they really think they cant do better than their current abusive partner.

I believe you said it with the best intentions, but is something that people does.

[–] ZagamTheVile 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, I hear you but context is important. She's good and safe, so am I. We have 2 kids together, been together for 20 years, have ducks, a rabbit, share all expenses and income exactly 50/50 and have had each others back through the worst of other people.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm not shitting on you, but "we have ducks" has to be the funniest justification why the relationship isn't abusive I've seen yet.

[–] ZagamTheVile 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] janonymous 15 points 1 year ago

Well, you convinced me!

[–] clumsyninza 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The second picture looks like it's generated by AI

[–] ZagamTheVile 1 points 1 year ago

It's the red heat lamp. They gotta be kept warm for a few weeks and it makes our living room look like Kramers apartment.

[–] PopcornPrincess 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] ZagamTheVile 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yeah. Been together for like 20 years now.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You both sound like a solid 5

[–] ZagamTheVile 10 points 1 year ago

Hey now. On a good day and if you squint, I could pass as a 6. Maybe 6.5.

[–] PopcornPrincess 10 points 1 year ago

Hell yeah. Nice.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I once tried the most cliche of them all - did it hurt when you fell from heaven. She actually found it funny. In the sense that it's so stupid that it flips around and becomes funny. Nothing ever came of it but we had a nice chat on the otherwise empty train.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

imo the purpose of those cheesy lines is more to break the ice and get your prospective partner to laugh and loosen up rather than to swoon them, sounds like it worked to me.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At a club, I just asked her "Wanna make out?" and we did. Very weird that worked.

[–] Maven 22 points 1 year ago

I use this a lot and people seem to appreciate the honesty.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

"Did you know you can save 15% or more by switching to Geico?"

[–] PopcornPrincess 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not a line per say but my friend and I were shooting pool against 2 dudes randomly. One serenaded us with Bruno Mars β€œJust the Way You Are.” A short while after he randomly proceeded to guess both of our weights very incorrectly. lol I guess we made him a nervous.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In a man vie theater: STFU to a girl a row behind me. It worked.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't get it. He told her to STFU? And she liked it and was "picked up"?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Sorry, lots of typos in previous message.

So yes, I was in a cinema and told a girl to stfu. Next day she saw me in a bar, recognized me and was like: β€œfuck that, you told me to stfu. It was you.” We dated for a month or so.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"I shat in my bed, can I sleep in yours?"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Amber Heard, is that you?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I feel like we need to add the extra constraint to the question, and worked. What's the worst pick up line you ever used that worked.

[–] NielsBohron 7 points 1 year ago

Naw, I think this is better. I've seen the "... and worked" version of this question lots of times, but I want the actual bottom of the barrel this time.

Don't get me wrong; "... and worked" still yields funny answers every time, but this is more interesting to me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Watching team America at the movies, leaned over to my date and said "I promise I will never die"

Worked a treat!