You are absolutely not alone. As various factors rise & fall, sometimes they stack up and I just lose hard for a day. Do what you can to be nice to yourself on those days. Beating yourself up for not functioning "normally" is like mocking a quadroplegic for not walking with proper posture. Days like that I try to make time to do something slightly creative with no end goal, like record some bass lines then delete them. The required solitude is an amazing treat (if you can get it), the creative outlet feels like finally letting go of a fart you've been holding in public all day, and the final deletion keeps anything from having any pressure to be good enough.
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2023
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ADHD
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Thanks, ADHD, I read that as "mocking a quadriplegic for not walking like a prostitute." 🤦🏼♂️
I'm glad I'm not alone in experiencing this much worse some days. I like that idea of making something as an outlet, then deleting it later.
Yes. It's part of having ADD / Executive Dysfunction. You're not alone, your feelings are absolutely real and valid, and it's ok to not be at your best 100% of the time.
Something I've learned during my almost 5 decades is that you have to save up against the ADD bad days. In other words, don't procrastinate about dishes or laundry because there will be days when you're just not able to do them. Save up for those days by getting shite done! (Obviously not today, you're having a bad day)
I used to beat myself up something terrible until I realized that.
You're not alone. Lots of people share the same disability as you, but that doesn't cheapen your individual suffering.
There's just something about having so much trouble even doing something as basic as dishes on days like this that makes it so easy to feel like a failure. It really sucks, but I'm glad I'm not alone! It's comforting in a weird way to know that other ADHDers have those days too.
Absolutely. The most useful "habbit" I have for managing my ADHD is being brutally honest with myself at all times.
If you learn to reflect on your patterns and feelings, you start getting a good idea early on when you're gonna be in one of those dysfunction days.
Best thing I've found to do about it is "take the day off". If I know everything is gonna be uphill in a unique way, I take it easy. If I'm at work, I try to focus on the most accessible micro-tasks, or "tedious" things that take zero cognitive work.
For me those days are a sign of burnout and I know little will be accomplished if I force myself to overwork that day anyway. So I prioritize resting my brain. Sometimes it means doing nothing at all, sometimes it means video games or folling around with in GarageBand with a keyboard and bass.
Letting your brain do whatever random bullshit it's craving can be just as restful as doing nothing. Sometimes these days can actually be really productive for my hobbies, or housework, or spouse time, just depending on what my brain wants.
I've never learned to know when a dysfunction day is coming. Do you have any insight on how you figured that out pattern-wise?
yeah "taking day off" works best for me too, if I try to push myself too hard on those days, I don't succeed and get exhausted from the self induced stressing.
Or if I really really need to get things moving I drink coffee on that day, seems to work. Not very effective when drinking coffee on multiple days a week though
Sometimes feels like these days are the norm to be honest and the days where I can do stuff is the exception to the rule. I've managed to up my work productivity massively with meds and habits but man life is still such a challenge. I find I feel suddenly hopeless whenever I have ''free'' time.
I definitely understand what you mean with that, I try to play games more because it's always a fun way to spend free time and keep my mind active, but for some reason it can be hard to get started!
It can also be very hard to stop. I just massively fucked up my sleep schedule in 2 days by playing Smash Bros Ultimate campaign mode. I'm not sure how I'll do anything tomorrow.
/me waves from that place
It's absolutely a thing. It was a game changer for me when I gave up fighting it and just accepted that "whelp, my brain's just gonna brain today." If you can, just try to give yourself what you need and slow down. It is what it is.
I also find something satisfying about doing a big methodical cleanup after I feel better from a slump, your milage may vary.
Yeah, I've managed to declutter a lot from doing just that, actually. I have a sock drawer that needs cleaning out after this one
Definitely. Probably sleep is a big factor. Maybe diet? Idk. I do better with exercise usually. Like today I was doing a bunch of stuff in the yard for 3h. I'm exhausted and sore but tomorrow I suspect I will be "on it" more than normal.
Who knows what else --sunspots? Subtle shifts in Earth's magnetic field?? Lol
Oh yeah, for sure. If I am able I sometimes even plan them, like I will just let my brain bounce around between 4 or 5 projects I have going or video games or whatever. Those days I try hard to reframe my goal to just work on something, not anything in particular, and it seems to help me not feel like crap about it. I hate how we ourselves are our own greatest critics sometimes, it’s really just not helpful, that’s why I try to trick myself into tiny accomplishments that way.
I hate how we ourselves are our own greatest critics sometimes, it’s really just not helpful
I think this explains the comorbidity that ADHD has with anxiety and depression. It's a pretty direct path from inability to meet expectations > excessive worry > sadness.
That is so true, I wish it was talked about more because I think it is something we all deal with at one time or another.
My strategy for these days is to let myself off the hook for finishing anything. "Just put three dishes in the dishwasher, then you can go back to the project your brain will let you think about." Sometimes that's enough to break the spell and load the whole dishwasher.
I had the day off work yesterday and I straight up couldn't do anything fun or productive, just ended up napping and browsing the internet all day because I couldn't figure out what to focus my energy on.
Had that big time on a workday earlier this week. Had some tasks to perform that I expected would be easy, which only made it worse. Turns out, they took longer than I expected the next day, and I’ve still got some left to do on Monday.
But anyway, no, you’re definitely not alone.
I too am part of the club. This is normal... unfortunately
I try not to beat myself up about it. I remind myself that everyone has off days, and everyone deserves some R&R.
sigh, yes, I read a great description the other day of executive function and was just gutted at how well it describes by executive DISfunction :(
I cannot bring myself to do most of the things that need to be done in my house, and spend so many hours wasting time on the couch. A couple months ago, I decided to turn the tables a bit…I realized that even if I was stuck on the couch for whatever reason, I could still be productive in many ways. So, I decided to focus on the good things I could do from my couch (host zoom meetings for my support group, manage a couple facebook groups, do volunteer work for my choir…) and so I feel better about my crappy executive function…
Been there this last friday, absolutely sucks and ruins my weekend with all the guilt and not being able to rest since now I have the urgent feel to do everything to make up for what I didn't do on friday.
I know we shouldn't being so hard on us but it's just so difficult sometimes.
Yeah, it's difficult to not be hard on myself sometimes. Especially weekends, I don't wanna "waste" this time because then Monday will come and I'll have work or classes!
Ok so .... what do you really want to do with your time?
I struggle with that sometimes. I often end up wasting time on some silly thing like ..uh... Lemmy lol.
I've been trying to live more intentionally after a good friend passed away this year. So I try to focus on things that make quality of life better. Like weeding so the garden makes me happy not bummed. Or if it's chores I try to look at it like "this will make our space nicer and so I will be happier day to day" rather than "ugh ... I have to do the dishes" or whatever.
Hormonal fluctuations have been shown to affect symptoms. You* can talk to your doctor about a small bump up in meds for when you are most affected. I can't remember if it's just before a period or during that symptoms get worse. I recommend tracking your period and making notes of when it's worse for you. Menopause is crazy for many reasons, but defo for ADHD.
*Anyone who has a period.
OMFG yes!!!! Even with a good med regimen I have days where my EF is just not firing on all cylinders. YOU ARE NOT ALONE