Ask Lemmy

Stop using toilet paper to wipe your ass. Only water.

Extra points for petty, minor things.

Fine.
Only using even numbers for volume or brightness. No handshakes (between humans). No unsolicited hugs. No greetings. No Christmas, new years eve, Halloween, birthdays, etc. (only regular days). No loud talking (if any) on public transport. No phone calls or video calls. No purchases of digital goods (be it media or software) that doesn't come on a physical copy. No buying from Nestle. Avoiding supermarket membership "discount" (read: "data collection") programs.

Tabs are better than spaces

Education. Critical thinking will now be taught in elementary school. Economics in middle school. And philosophy in high school.

Pointless/Potentially Petty:

• You must always try to end going up/down stairs on your left foot. Left foot is king compared to the right foot, so it always lands flat when walking, whereas right foot lands on the heal and goes down.

• Games featuring anthro animals (think Sonic, Ratchet and Clank, or Brok the Investigator) are now games people will definitely be on the lookout for because anthro animal characters are amazing most of the time and I love anthro characters, as a furry.

• People will start self-censoring at the very least big tech company names like amaz•n or g••gle or fakebook or ex-twatter.

• "etc" or "etc." dies to using etcetera. I just like it better that way as a personal preference.

Less Minor:

• Everyone gets to suffer trying to self-diagnose and fix their computer issues before going straight to IT. If I had to suffer nearly a week of staying after college courses in the library for a few hours trying to get Proton VPN (unsuccessfully) to work on my Linux running laptop before deciding to send an issue report, the rest of the world gets to try being their own IT for a little bit.

• Folders Folders Folders! Most every file of yours on your phone, desktop, laptop, etcetera, are organized into folders and subfolders. Don't care if you wanna call them that or directories/subdirectories, but keep stuff at least somewhere organized. Especially music. Your music folder will be broken down by whoever the band is, what the singer is, what show it's from, whatever, just so long as it's fairly neatly organized, assuming you have music stored on your device.

• When it comes to cooking, it's okay not to always measure everything out exactly if you are just cooking at home for friends or family. So long as you have enough for everyone, it's okay not to be super precise, unlike with baking. Also, wooden spoons without round handles are completely banned for life. I hate them with a passion compared to rounded handled wooden spoons because I can't rub the handle to mix if it ain't round.

Using comments as an excuse for writing shitty code.

Duodecimal is provably superior, and the world now uses it instead of decimal. This means that the metric system is now base-12, and inches, feet, and yards are the common units.

Surprising to many people, very little else changes.

• Analog clocks stay the same
• There are still 12 months in the year
• Your eggs still come in dozens
• There are still 30 divisions of 12 degrees in a compass.
• There are still 12 face cards in a deck of cards
• Humans still have 12 pairs of ribs
• A bouquet of roses still has 12 flowers
• A box of doughnuts still comes with 12 doughnuts
• Colas still come in half-dozen packs, and boxes of cola still usually come in a dozen.
• Muffin trays still bake 12 muffins
• Packs of toilet tissue are still sold in some multiple of a dozen: ½-dozen, 1 dozen, or 2 dozen.

Meanwhile, everyone learns they can count to 12 on one hand, and to 144 using both hands.

Everybody now plays Ultima Online, Quake 1, Doom 2, and works from home. Also, free transit and anything displaying sapience (or at least sentience) gets the same respect as anyone else

The only music that matters is metal and everything else is canceled

Nobody is allowed to say "eepy" anymore.

Football is defunded, everyone watches pro wrestling now instead

We're eating nachos with forks

Everyone's self employed and stops complaining about their boss