this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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But if you select Elamite, you can't pay in copper ingots.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That reminds me of the installer for Red Hat that used to have an option to use redneck as the language.

[–] FlyingSquid 46 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Ha! I love it!

I want "You can't git dat much swap, Junior" on a shirt.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago

Petition to replace the word "Ok" on all popup boxes to just "yep"

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago

I love "meggerbytes", it is fantastic

[–] jewbacca117 16 points 1 month ago

I want that "yep" button to be standard

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Size (Megs)

Hahahahaha

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ælces! Endelice ic mæg beon þēowod on mínre meder sprǣce!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Neat! As a German, I can actually read and understand this.

[–] FlyingSquid 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

My dad had to learn both Old and Middle English as part of his English doctorate, but he didn't know German. I guess he could have learned pretty easily. He was great with languages. He was actually offered a job by MI-5 as a Russian translator in the 1950s, but as he was a socialist, he told them to fuck off.

He learned Russian because he loved Russian classical music. Really. And then he studied the language the rest of his life. I remember him doing self-written grammar conjugation flash cards when he was in his 70s.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Seriously? As a native English speaker, I cannot.

[–] FlyingSquid 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's because England got invaded by French speakers and it fucked up the language in all sorts of ways.

[–] thedirtyknapkin 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

That's cause the English language was basically replaced after 1066. Old English is very similar to Germanic.

[–] FlyingSquid 6 points 1 month ago

How dare you!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (5 children)
[–] FlyingSquid 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You gotta know if they just speak Elamite or if they also are Elamite.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yes, that's essential information for offering a web service!

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 1 month ago

I mean you want to know whether or not their copper is of good quality, right?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

The one who crosses the finish line first gets to use the organs and blood of the losers.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Neandertal, Denisovan or Human

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That's subspeciesist!

[–] marcos 6 points 1 month ago

It's one where everybody runs so very slowly...

[–] jewbacca117 4 points 1 month ago

I prefer the 100m, myself

[–] negativenull 11 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ĉu vi parolas Esperanton?

[–] zloubida 4 points 1 month ago

Memkompreneble!

[–] FlyingSquid 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Jes. Mi parolas iomete.

spoilerThat is almost the entirety of my knowledge of Esperanto.

Edit: Altough I thought it was "Esperante?"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Esperanton is the accusative form of Esperanto. So literally "Do you speak Esperanto?" Esperante is an adverbized form of Esperanto. So "Ĉu vi parolas esperante?" Is like "Do you speak esperanto-ly?" Hard to translate literally.

[–] FlyingSquid 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Thanks for the explanation.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Nedankinde!

[–] EtherWhack 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] Zidane 5 points 1 month ago

Egyptian (Ancient) (Modern)

👋🏻 😹 🐈