this post was submitted on 06 Mar 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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top 22 comments
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[–] Mr_Blott 58 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I kind of want this as a lamp...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

You could set certains plants under it.

[–] Olmai 43 points 8 months ago

The executioner looking at me after I asked to eat him as my last meal

[–] [email protected] 42 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Imagine going through the trouble to eat the entire chair, only to find that they have another one.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver 25 points 8 months ago

Time to order dessert

[–] [email protected] 30 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I’d be so nervous during my last meal that I’d definitely puke and never want to eat that dish again, so I would make sure to pick something I don’t like.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That makes sens- Wait a minute...

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Imagine getting metal tattoos so you can safely guide the power through you body

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

"Whelp, he's clearly god, release him immediately"

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot 5 points 8 months ago

Or Ernest. Same thing, really.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

yfw you apparently forgot you get executed by firing squad

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Who cares zappy chair = tasty

[–] UnderpantsWeevil 16 points 8 months ago

So, unfunny fact. In Texas, the nation's leader in state sanctioned executions, you don't get to order anything. Because my mayor is an absolute piece of shit, we ended the practice way back in 2011.

Now death row inmates receive the same inedible crap served to the rest of the building for their final meal.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago

Congrats, you now die of starvation.

[–] WereCat 9 points 8 months ago

I'd probably try Fugu if I had to order my last meal. I also doubt they would bother to cook it properly so I would avoid my sentence (officially).

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

Your executioner might be a robot

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

It's rich in iron.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Dead men eat no chairs…

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

If I ever get the death penalty I'm going to eat a huge amount of food that I know will give me a giant volcano of diarrhea.

I'm never going to hurt anyone, but all these new censorship laws going around and me being as subversive as I tend to be...some of the jokes I make. Yeah.