this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2024
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National security officials are used to shaking off absurd conspiracy theories, but the latest rumor that’s gripped MAGA world just hits different.

The claims by Fox News and far-right influencers that pop star Taylor Swift is part of a Pentagon “psychological operation” to get President Joe Biden reelected, and somehow rig the Super Bowl to benefit Kansas City Chiefs tight end (and Swift’s boyfriend) Travis Kelce, has been met with forehead slaps in the national security world.

“The absurdity of it all boggles the mind,” said one senior administration official, granted anonymity because they were not authorized to comment publicly on the matter. “It feels like one of those ‘tell me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist, without telling me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist’ memes.”

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[–] [email protected] 189 points 10 months ago (3 children)

MAGA crowd, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[–] PopcornPrincess 48 points 10 months ago (2 children)

That Billy Madison quote applies well here.

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[–] Kase 34 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

One might even say,

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[–] [email protected] 103 points 10 months ago (6 children)

These people just can’t handle anything, just anything, not being exactly as they like it, and if it isn’t, it has to be some sort of conspiracy.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 10 months ago (11 children)

That’s my dad. Trump is a god to him, and anything negative said about him is a liberal plot to stop him from his patriotic duty. The cognitive dissonance that man shows is baffling!

[–] TurboDiesel 46 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My stepfather is like that. I even tried to use his own logic to help him see most of these conspiracies are dumb; "you said yourself that the gov't is incompetent. So how can they pull off a conspiracy at this scale if they can't run the country?" - stuff like that.

It doesn't matter, he's fully drank the Kool-Aid, so I just keep him at arm's distance now.

[–] SlopppyEngineer 28 points 10 months ago

Rules of fascism

#3: “Action being beautiful in itself, it must be taken before, or without, any previous reflection. Thinking is a form of emasculation.”

#4: Disagreement is treason.

#8: The enemy is both strong and weak.

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[–] nolannice 31 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Guys the best quarterback in the league made it to the superbowl again, it's a conspiracy against us. No other way to explain this.

[–] aesthelete 16 points 10 months ago

Also some of them say, "the 49ers need to win to save the country"...but like the big conspiracy is that Taylor is supposed to make a half-time endorsement of Joe Biden.... So like, how would either team eventually winning the game have any impact on the half-time show?

[–] tburkhol 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And now that there's a denial, from a "senior administration official," it's proof-positive of a vast conspiracy. "Why would they deny something that's not real?"

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

At this point it almost seems like more than that. It's like they need to manufacture some outrage to keep everyone angry about something.

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[–] [email protected] 89 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Remember, a lot of young conservative men were convinced Taylor Swift was a white nationalist who posted with them on 4chan.

When she started telling people to go vote (she didnt even say for a specific party, but just telling people to vote is enough to convince them you're a democrat) they took that as Taylor Swift betraying them.

So much of what conservatives engage with is completely made up and exists only inside their own heads.

[–] CharlesDarwin 49 points 10 months ago

These are some of the same rocket surgeons that believe(d) that Hillary was using a pizza parlor with no basement to run an international pedo ring out of the basement of the pizza parlor.

Not really known for their application of reason and logic.

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[–] Nurse_Robot 85 points 10 months ago (6 children)

This feels like one of those things /b/ started as a joke, and a few echo chambers took it seriously, and the media assumed or "assumed" it was far more widespread than it was. At least, I hope so

[–] NegativeInf 30 points 10 months ago (4 children)

At work I have a regular that comes into the office and she spouts conspiracies like these and started talking about Taylor Swift vaccines and the deep state in the last week or so, so there are definitely a few true believers.

[–] TheLowestStone 24 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Taylot Swift vaccines

These will never work. She's just too infectious.

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[–] DogWater 23 points 10 months ago (6 children)

The entire alt right movement was exactly that. It was a joke on b that did this.

Like I used to think that enders game was stupid when it came to the weird internet forum starting a movement and influencing politics but that has literally happened in real life lol

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[–] TurtleJoe 17 points 10 months ago (6 children)

There have always been sports fans who think that when their team loses, it's because the ref is on the take. Now you have legalized sports gambling everywhere, with non-stop ads, and official NFL partnerships. Combine that with dozens of hyper slo-mo cameras covering every angle when a ref misses a call, and the conspiracy that the NFL is rigged has become more common the last two years.

Without getting into how absolutely stupid that is, it's only a few more leaps in logic to get to where they seem to be: they keep showing Swift during games, because her fans tune in to see her, ergo, they'll want her to be on screen during the biggest have of the year! The NFL wants the Chiefs to go to the super bowl. (I bartend, and I've had non-maga people saying this to me.) Add in the paranoia that comes with facism, and boom, a new MAGA grand conspiracy is born.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

You took the words right out of my neurolink embedded keyboard...

This really is one of the most amusing panics they've had in recent years.

[–] Jimmyeatsausage 15 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Until someone shoots up a concert again

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[–] jordanlund 67 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"They add that she's not, in fact, part of a psychological operation to sway voters to Joe Biden."

MAGA - "Yeah, but that's just what they WOULD SAY! THIS PROVES IT!!!"

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[–] CharlesDarwin 62 points 10 months ago (7 children)

The Qtards should be treated like Al Qaeda or ISIL operating in the United States. All their communications should be monitored. They should be infiltrated and any time one of them make threats or start making plans to do anything illegal, as many as possible are arrested, locked up and embroiled in the justice system as much as possible - prison time, time in court, etc.

[–] GladiusB 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

There are more incidents of them killing innocents over dumb conspiracies. Like that son and his dad being beheaded.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Some of them very likely are foreign intelligence operatives attempting to influence locally.

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[–] kromem 50 points 10 months ago (6 children)

I love that the Pentagon is referring to dank memes.

Reality really is stranger than fiction.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 10 months ago (21 children)
[–] EdibleFriend 59 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Fuck if I know dude. I thought we had hit a low with bush. Then we went and elected a black man and holy ever living fuck did that break right-wing people. Just absolutely broke their fragile little minds and here we are.

[–] Leviathan 28 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You guys need to elect a black man with a heavy inner-city accent who enacts serious change so you can break them all the way once and for all.

[–] SkippingRelax 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Leviathan 21 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Fuck, if only! Or a gay black man who does drag as a hobby.

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[–] EdibleFriend 21 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I was about to make a joke about President Camacho but then, I remembered, that fucker, that HORRIBLE PARODY OF A PRESIDENT, is so much better then what we got with Trump. Camacho saw some serious shit was going on and said 'holy fuck lets let the smart guy fix this.'

He recognized and openly admitted to his own shortcomings.

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[–] foggy 43 points 10 months ago (9 children)

When we look back on this era what are we going to say drove them to this? Like, we explain the Salem witch trials by saying that there was ergot in the water which likely had them hallucinating.

What is it now? Is TikTok this much of a problem? Is there ergot in the water? What the hell is happening...

[–] Xbeam 36 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Maybe lead and micro-plastics? But that's just a guess.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago

Lead in the water, micro plastics in the food, Reagan in the air.

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[–] HonoraryMancunian 32 points 10 months ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I am surrounded by dipshits in this country...

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[–] carl_dungeon 28 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I’ve always known maga people are dumber than shit, but now they’re just running the world’s worst D&D session online and on Fox.

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[–] betterdeadthanreddit 26 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm gripped by a strong urge to start anonymously sending some Taylor Swift / KC Chiefs merchandise to family members and acquaintances who have been guzzling the red-hat Flavor Aid for the last decade. It's probably not the most productive use of time and money but this whole thing is just goddamn ridiculous.

[–] Sterile_Technique 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

There's probably a Taylor Swift email notification service for upcoming concerts and such that you could sign them up for.

Free, and guaranteed to stir up the Trumpanzees in your life without putting a target on your own back.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Dark Brandon gives their supersolders the hardest battles.

Agencies has so many stories and gossips of coups, secret weapons and psychological experiments like MK-ULTRA, and they used Taylor telling people to vote as their psy-op?

Big scary government that can hear every your word and can even say them for you, can track and kill you at any time - uses a pop-star to make a point?

Who buys that bullshit? Is it, again, the weak but strong enemy? That's a story even Onion wouldn't publish.

[–] betterdeadthanreddit 23 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Wait for it. Win or lose, once they realize how embarrassing this episode should be, it'll become something that none of them actually believed and besides, it was all started by some lefty trying to make fun of them. The real conspiracy turns out to be (in hindsight with the benefit of selective memory and heavy retconning) a push to drive up merchandise sales. They'll make a reference to globalists, lizard people and something about "controlling the media" without a specific J-word for plausible deniability.

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[–] Veneroso 22 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm waiting for one of them to call for a protest of the 2024 election because it's rigged, convincing thousands of MAGA to not vote. We're nearly there....

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[–] cabron_offsets 17 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Nah fuck em. Let them freak out. Fucking moron shitcunts.

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