this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
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This is a bad post. Polyamory is NOT about sex and it's NOT a fetish.
It can work extremely well and be extremely loving if done correctly. The problem is, it's not as easy as people often think it is when trying to idealize it.
Communication is extremely important in every relationship and that only multiplies when you have more than one partner.
If you have a feeling of jealousy... Talk about it...
If you don't think your partner is spending enough time with you... Talk about it...
If you aren't enjoying sex with your partner... TALK ABOUT IT!
I've been with my fiancé for almost 4 years, my bf and I are celebrating our 1 year next month, and I have a new first date next Wednesday. My fiancé has even been with their nesting partner (who is monogamous) for 8 years now.
This all happened because we have clear ground rules and boundaries as well as active communication.
I've never felt more loved than when my fiancé helped me pick out my outfit for my first date with my bf.
I love them both so tremendously and it pisses me off when people tell me that isn't possible or that all I care about is sex.
I think there are an unfortunate number of monogamous people who decide to try polyamory to fix or hold on to a dying relationship. It's not a surprise that that often goes extremely poorly. It's not for everyone and it's not gonna fix any problems.
I've dated a couple of people who are poly, and while I'd always been in monogamous relationships, I was open to the idea. I don't think love is a finite resource, and I'm not a jealous person at all, and it turns out, it doesn't bother me at all. I also stay well away from anyone who thrives on drama, so all involved were very honest and adult about the whole thing. I wasn't in a good headspace for any relationship at the time, so it didn't work, but I'd absolutely be willing to try it again.
It's really awesome that you noticed your own needs and put those first. That's really awesome and I'm proud of you for doing so.