this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2023
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Autism

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BackOnMyBS
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Looking for advice/sympathy about anxiety (pawb.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/autism
9 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hey autistic peeps. I'm not really in a great space mentally right now, and figured I'd ask if anyone knows of any good coping mechanisms or tricks or whatever.

Anyway, some background. I'm one of those perpetually online types with no real irl hobbies. As you probably are aware (because Lemmy), there's been a lot of disruption in the online space recently. There's also been a fair amount of disruption in my personal life which I shan't go into. Kinda tempted to make a post here or /c/mentalhealth detailing my woefull history, but I'm not sure if there's interest.

Anyway, the main thing is that since May, I've been struggling with anxiety, and been kind of letting it rot, get worse and pull in other things. It's at the point now where it feels a bit overwhelming and it's actively getting in the way of my thought patterns, which is as scary as it sounds.

Through talking to people (including friends who I really appreciate taking the time to put up with me) about it, I've been able to drill it down to two main "fears":

  • I'm scared of trying new things or enjoying familiar things in case they get taken away from me in the future.
  • I'm vey uncomfortable with the idea of being restricted from things because of who I am or what I believe in.

They struck me as being, for want of a better term, "autismy" thoughts, and get the feeling my nt friends dont "get" it. Just wondering if either of these statements resonate with anyone, or if anyone has advice on combatting them.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. Sorry it took me a bit to reply myself.

I think honestly it's the fear of change. I like to fall back and rely on familiar things as a comfort mechanic. If those things aren't there, I feel anxiety and stress. It's 2023 and every social media website has either been destroyed or looks to me like it's going downhill.

Losing things hurts. A lot. I feel an intense almost "hurting" sensation. If I want to go to something familiar, and it's no longer there then that really messes me up. And that's been happening too much recently with the whole social media situation.

This reaction and fear is almost certainly a response to that. I'm so afraid of the "hurt" that comes from losing access to things that my brain puts up a big warning sign saying "don't enjoy this because it'll hurt when it goes away".

As an analogy, it feels almost like a person who falls hopelessly in love with someone, then goes through a rough breakup and feels that they don't want to fall in love because they don't to go through that pain again. Only instead of love it's like, interests and stuff.

Thanks for the invite, but I don't think I'm in the best state to try to push myself socially now.

[–] BackOnMyBS 1 points 11 months ago

Sorry it took me a bit to reply myself.

No need to apologize! I take a while to engage in topics that require heavy mental processing, especially if they are emotionally loaded as well. Take all the time you need. Also, we're helping you anyway. Your pace isn't affecting me at all.

I think honestly it’s the fear of change. I like to fall back and rely on familiar things as a comfort mechanic. If those things aren’t there, I feel anxiety and stress. It’s 2023 and every social media website has either been destroyed or looks to me like it’s going downhill.

Same! There's something comforting at a fundamental level about it. It's like if someone asks why loud noises are uncomfortable. It's because loud noises are uncomfortable. It doesn't go beyond that. Routine and familiar things are comfortable. There's nothing beyond that. I could try to make rational sense of it, but that would just be me trying to develop a theory. For me, it just is.

I’m so afraid of the “hurt” that comes from losing access to things that my brain puts up a big warning sign saying “don’t enjoy this because it’ll hurt when it goes away”.

That sounds terrible! It's like your a prisoner of depression where the punishment is that you cannot enjoy anything, even if you have access to it.

As an analogy, it feels almost like a person who falls hopelessly in love with someone, then goes through a rough breakup and feels that they don’t want to fall in love because they don’t to go through that pain again. Only instead of love it’s like, interests and stuff.

That makes sense. Going off of that analogy, what do the people that go through this rough break-ups and subsequent avoidance of love do to overcome it?

Thanks for the invite, but I don’t think I’m in the best state to try to push myself socially now.

You're welcome! And I'm happy you're not pushing yourself beyond your limits. We'll probably be there if you ever recognize that you are in a position to socialize more 🙂