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If I hadn't met my wife 30+ years ago, I can see how I might have become a sort of paleo-proto-incel...maybe just more of a bitter old maid of a man that no woman would want to be around. I do feel for the incels. They certainly aren't happy. There's something unhealthy about a society that produces so damn many of them.
Yeah, I don't know. I feel much more sorry for the girls and women who get hit by that hatred. And they definitely do. Online and sometimes offline as well. I see it in school (in Germany) how some boys as young as 12 already bought into the incel narratives and treat the girls accordingly. This has to be stomped out.
I pity the girls who get treated horribly and I pity the incels who do it because they're deeply unhappy people. My pity doesn't justify what they do about their unhappiness, but it is a sad state of affairs all around.
That's part of why they feel like they don't belong and hate the world. No one is saying you should excuse their actions or that you should not prosecute them. I agree that this has to be stomped out, but treating symptoms instead of the causes only goes so far.