this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2025
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As someone who was in a supportive relationship with a transgender person for 3 years and who personally struggles associating with my own gender (masculinity was never my thing lol), I never really got into the stating my gender pronouns.
I get why it's done for the times it matters and can do so in a sensitive space, but I get the sense it's usually done as public compliance (like a cis neolib as an email sig), which can lead to shallow support or worse, resentment. What we ultimately need is more genuine contact with people different from ourselves because that helps reduce "othering" a group.
Oh, but I do tend to default to "they" out of old internet habits. Always disliked the assumption all gamers are men.
Ima be honest. I just don’t fuck with pronouns. I’ll typically use they even if I know what their preferred ones are. That or whatever feels better for what I’m talking about.
You are describing intentional misgendering. That's against our instance rules, so make sure you use preferred pronouns for folks who display them.
Can using neutral pronouns be misgendering? I was always under the impression that they’re universally applicable regardless of the other person’s gender
Consider the scenario where you meet a man. You know his name is Bradley (either through mutual friends or whatever), but he introduces himself as Alex. You can call him Bradley, and it would be technically correct, but it would be slightly rude when he has explicitly given his preferred name as Alex.
I don't think that's quite right. It's more like referring to him by another title such as "a friend of mine" or "a guy I met at the mall yesterday" etc.
That's a false equivalence. A name is a unique identifier while pronouns serve only a mechanical linguistic purpose.
Yes, if you are aware of someone's preferred pronouns and choose to ignore them.
It's arguably ignoring their preferences, but how is it misgendering? they/them is gender neutral-- it implies nothing about their gender at all.
It does when you only do it for trans people. This is a common thing that a lot if trans people have experienced so it kinda comes across as being "PC" while not acknowledging their identity.
I suppose that's fair. Most people I know who do this do it for cis people as well though.