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Maybe the confusion is in things called empathy. One of them autistic people lack, another of them psychopaths and (true, as opposed to pseudo-narcissism one can find among autistic people) narcissists lack.
What you describe seems to be psychopaths. Or you mean some kind of people able to fully feel what psychopaths can't, but turn it off as needed? I dunno.
Autistic people don’t lack empathy. I learned that as a kid too and it was a real barrier to getting diagnosed, because there are few qualities I more obviously possess than empathy.
Autistic people and allistic people use different signals to show their emotional state, so it’s easier for autistic people to interpret the emotions of fellow autistic people (and vice versa).
The other guy answered you.
There's empathy like "theory of mind" to understand others, and there's empathy like "compassion". It's not hard to see that these are completely different things.
I also replied to them that that’s not the current understanding. Autistic people are able to demonstrate both types of empathy with other autistic people, and neither autistic nor allistic people can do it as well with each other. There are just way more allistic people, so we used to think the empathy disconnect was one-sided.
OK, that was often true in my experience, but not always.