this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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i was diagnosed recently (i'm middle aged) and i've since learned that people on the spectrum get along better with other people also on the spectrum.
when i learned both of this; it reminded of me of my childhood and how other children who existed on the non-communicative portions of the spectrum gravitated towards me despite me never trying to form a relationship with them. in all of these cases the parents of the child pushed school guardians and took action themselves to keep their children away from me and the only reason i ever heard was that they were afraid that their child was going to be hurt because i could never understand what it was like to live on the spectrum.
if you want your child to have friends and you can see that he gravitates towards another child who seems neuro-typical: encourage it through that child's parents. also: if they're anything like my parents; they would have been insulted at the suggestion that i was on the spectrum and banned me from ever associating with your child, so don't mention that that's the reason why you're doing it.
I think he wants friends but doesn't know how to make that initial engagement. Some children thankfully gravitate towards him so he is getting some social interaction, school holidays are rhe worst for us as parents tend to avoid us.
I once heard a recommendation that there's nothing better for neurodivergent people then to spend time with their own. Have a look and see if any places near you do sensory/neurodivergent events. I am thinking of things like cinema screenings and soft play. As awareness seems to be growing in some countries demand is emerging for e.g. low volume cinema screenings, lights turned down, low numbers of attendees etc. Whilst your child might not need all these accommodations there will be other children there who are neurodivergent for them to meet and (hopefully) a higher level of acceptance and understanding amongst all the parents.
If your child has special interests then events focussed on those subjects may attract similar types of children. It's a bit of a cliche/stereotype but communities like boardgames, pokemon, videogames, train enthusiasts etc often have events/rules/customs that provide clear ways to engage with others even non-verbally. For example there are people running Minecraft servers purely for neurodivergent children.
If you're really lucky there may even be parent meet ups or workshops in your area that bring neurodivergent kids together and help them to value their difference. Creating a social life independent of school for your child could be really valuable in their years ahead and for you too, helping them keep a core group of friends even when they transition between schools.