this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2024
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ADHD
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A casual community for people with ADHD
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Why assume I haven't done so already?
I used to exercise 3 to 5 times a week depending on how much an old injury allowed me. I did boxing. I love it. It does nothing for my exc. Functioning, nor does it calm my mind after. It took me 3 months of forcing myself before I started to enjoy it. After that, it became easy to go fitness/do boxing. I struggle to keep up as my health detoriates amd energy levels fluctuate.
Chonic stress has taken its toll. I started to suffer from hallucinations and misinterpretations. Which have gotten serious in the past half year. Weed, and psylocibin can worsen this. Makeshift meds are a no go for me. I once bought 1 blunt (hasj), thinking I was stable enouhh to try it. It remains waiting in a drawer for god knows how long. I already have an addiction to gaming which is hard to beat. I don't need a second one.
I sleep a lot more than the average person. If I can fit a nap during break, I savour every minute. I keep to 6-22 day rythmn. If I need more sleep, I go to bed earlier and stay in longer. The perks of being an early bird. I rarely stay up past 22.00.
I beat depression once. Properly so. Trying everything and accepting every bad and good change during remission. After two years, developed a "will" of my own after not having experienced it in 13-14 years or so.
Then I hit that ADHD wall again and lost my future. Having to give up on my aspirations once more. Because I am too retarded for society. For the work I wished to do. This is the 3rd time I have to face the facts.
My parents both considered abortion. But my mother, whom I got ADHD from, thought girls couldn't get it. So she kept me. She didn't want a child, she wanted a solution to her loneliness. Both my parents were neglectful and my mother was abusive and controlling.
I've been spending years not just fixing my own problems, but now of my infantile parents too. My sister and I raised ourselves.
So tell me. How is life a gift when you're disabled? When your family is an assembly of autists? How does the path of healing look like, when whatever brain part needs to heal never properly developed to begin with? Have you tried navigating that yet?